Sheva Brachos Torah

An Actual Sanctuary

Now, let’s not get lost in meshalim, in forms of speech and metaphors. It’s actually the binyan Beis Hamikdash. Here’s a woman with ten children, all frum. She gave her life to raise those children. She was cooking all her life. She nursed them. She washed diapers for them. She cleaned the house for them. She saw to it that her husband went to learn and didn’t sit in the house in the evening wasting his time. She encouraged her sons to go to learn. The little boys had to know the Chumash. When they came home, she said, “Take out the Gemara and learn.” Her daughters dressed with tznius. She made sure they helped in the house.

The father too. He’s out in the office working long hours so he could pay the schar limud but he’s watching over the children too. They keep every kutzo shel yud of the halachos. No muktzeh, no lashon hara. Everything is done with kashrus, with tznius.

And so our Sages want us to know that people who are raising such sons and daughters are not just building the Mikdash al pi mashal. They’re actually, factually, building the heichal. It’s considered as if the Beis Hamikdash, the heichal, was rebuilt in their days. אֵלּוּ וָאֵלּוּ – With these sons and daughters together, מַעֲלֶה עֲלֵיהֶן הַכָּתוּב כְּאִלּוּ נִבְנָה הֵיכָל בִּימֵיהֶן – it’s considered as if the Beis Hamikdash, was rebuilt in their days. And so when people get married with the intention of raising big families, big frum families, they are the ones most entitled to weep for the Churban because they’re the ones who mean business.

Holy Jewish Homes

That’s why the Gemara (Brachos 6b) says, כָּל הַמְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה כְּאִלּוּ בָּנָה אַחַת מֵחֻרְבוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם. If you come to a wedding, a kosher Jewish wedding—men here, women there—and you add joy to the groom and bride so it’s as if you are rebuilding one of the ruined houses of Yerushalayim. A chasunah? What’s that have to do with it?

Because it’s not only the Beis Hamikdash itself and being chased from our land that we are mourning; besides for the Churban Beis Hamikdash, there was also a churban of the Jewish dwellings, the Jewish homes. וְהָשֵׁב יִשְׂרָאֵל לִנְוֵיהֶם – That’s what we daven for; we want to see once again the return to the niveihem, the authentic Jewish home.

What the Jewish home was in the ancient times, we have no idea how holy they were. I’m always repeating what was said about seventy years ago or more by Rav Yerucham z”l, the mashgiach of Mir Yeshivah in Poland. “Mir kennen nisht farshtein,” he said, we’re not able to understand the greatness of our great-grandmothers.

Now Rav Yeruchem lived in a time where there were many frum Jews yet. Not everybody, but there were many frum Jews and there’s no question there were still many beautiful holy homes of tzaddikim. But the homes of the great-grandmothers were something different altogether. Not we don’t equal the greatness of their grandmothers; he said, “We don’t even understand them.”

And surely the further you go back; once upon a time the Jewish home was kodesh kodashim. It was the pride of our people. They lived on such a different degree; Hakadosh Baruch Hu and His Torah were the foundation, the pivot of everything that took place in the home. Ah! And so, when we mourn the loss of the churvos Yerushalayim it doesn’t mean only the Churban Beis Hamikdash; we mourn the loss of all those holy dwellings of our ancestors.

Rebuilding with Pomp

And one of the purposes of our mourning is so that we can understand what we lost and try to rebuild as much as possible. We mourn but then we get up on Motzei Tisha B’av and we keep building.

And so, let’s say you’re going to a chasuna next week, right after Tisha B’Av. You have to know what you’re doing there. When you come to a chasunah, what’s the function of being mesameach chosson v’kallah? What’s the purpose? The function is to let them know how important this occasion is.

Suppose they were getting married and nobody came to the wedding. The mesader kiddushin came and he brought with him two eidim. A few more Jews were there to make a minyan. It’s a good chasunah; it’s kosher v’yashar. But it’s a lost opportunity. The chosson and kallah have to see it’s a major event. We have to see that it’s a major event. The truth is if we had the ability we should do it in a stadium and all the seats should be full. Hundreds of thousands of people should be present. Only that we can’t do that. People are busy. And the little children can’t be left in the house alone and the father has to go out to the beis medrash. But we pack in as many as you can to impress on ourselves that there’s a very important occasion taking place now.

Because when you’re mesameach chosson v’kallah you’re telling them. “Listen you young people. You know what you’re doing now? You’re going to do something of the utmost importance in the Eyes of Hashem. You’re building a little Beis Hamikdash where the Shechinah is going to dwell.”

Rebuilding with Happiness

And therefore when you come and you make a big noise – the band of course is important; the orchestra is playing and you’re dancing and everyone is coming over to the chosson, “Mazel tov! Mazel tov!” And the chosson is thinking, “Oh look, my old friend from mesivta came by. And my second cousin from Detroit is also here dancing. It must be an important occasion if he comes such a big distance for my wedding.”

Yes, my friend, this is a very important occasion and that’s why we’re here being mesameach chosson v’kallah; that’s why we’re dancing so much. If you write out a nice check and give it to them, it’s also a simchah. The bigger the check the bigger the happiness. But even if you have no money to give them, you have to act wild, excited; you dance up a storm and show how important that occasion is. We’re building now one of the ancient Jewish homes of Yerushalayim. You’re rebuilding now! You’re participating, encouraging, supporting the rebuilding of Yerushalayim.

Your Mikdash at Home

How tremendous is the accomplishment of a home where a chosson and a kallah live together and begin to build a Torah home. They’ll live loyally together, a frum Jewish home with idealism, avodas Hashem, gemilus chassadim, good manners, shemiras halashon, middos tovos, tzedakah, every form of avodas Hashem, and together they’re raising up fine children, sons and daughters and many of them.

Now, nobody is an angel, nobody is perfect, but whatever you can do is worth doing. Every attempt to build a house with frum boys and girls where you’ll serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu together will be rewarded as if you rebuilt the Beis Hamikdash.

And it’s not merely a form of speech; don’t say, “But it’s not the real thing”, because what good is a Beis Hamikdash with korbanos and kohanim and everything else if the Jew is sitting in his house and he’s mechallel the Torah in his house? The purpose of the Mikdash is so that the holiness, the inspiration, the Torah attitudes, should flow from the Beis Hamikdash to the homes. And so whether or not there’s a Mikdash in Yerushalayim, your home is where it matters most.

It’s All Coming Back

And even though you’re married a long time already, an old chosson and kallah who got married fifty years ago, try from now to start climbing the ladder upwards; try to build your house with the glory that once dwelled in the Jewish homes. It’s never too late. Even old people, if they decide from now on they’re going to try to live with the utmost derech eretz, utmost politeness – of course you have to add the l’sheim Shamayim; you want to build a house of kedushah where the Shechinah will dwell among you – they can start rebuilding their homes in the spirit of the churvos Yerushalayim, the kedushah of the Jewish family.

And the time will come that עֲתִיד הקב״ה לְהַחֲזִירוֹ לָנוּ – Hakadosh Baruch Hu will bring back His Shechinah to Tzion and we’ll see again all of the original glory that went lost. And we look forward to the day when it’ll be rebuilt in the most literal sense. And on that great day everything that went lost at the Churban – the Beis Hamikdash and all of the holy institutions that came along with it, the awareness of Hashem’s Presence among us, the pride we had, and the holy Jewish homes – all of that will be returned to us forever and ever.

Have A Wonderful Shabbos

The First Beis Hamikdash

When we talk about the churban Beis Hamikdash, we’re accustomed to thinking about the Beis Hamikdash of Shlomo HaMelech and the second Beis Hamikdash that was built by the returnees from Bavel. Those more familiar with our history might also look back in longing to the Mishkan Hashem that the Am Yisroel had with them in the midbar for forty years, as well as its replacement, the Mishkan Shilo that stood for three hundred sixty nine years before it’s destruction by the Plishtim.

But the truth is that there was another churban beis hamikdash that took place way back in the beginning of our history: וַתָּמָת שָׂרָה – And Sarah passed away (Chayei Sarah 23:2). The day that Sarah took her last breath in her tent was actually the first churban bayis. The greatest home in our history was no more.

A Glorious Period In History

Now, to many people that seems like an exaggeration, we think that the most important part of our history came later, when we became shishim ribo and left Mitzrayim to accept the Torah on Har Sinai – that’s when we became a nation; that’s when our history began.

But that’s all wrong – that was already the tail end of the glorious period of our history. We must look back at the lives of our Avos as a fundamental part of our history – when the Avos passed away a most important part of our history came to an end. The Ramban says that. He says that when the Avos passed away, the Shechina that was present in their tents went into galus.

So we understand that the first Beis Hamikdash was the tent that Sarah built. Afterwards, when Yitzchak wed Rivka, he tried to restore some of that glory. וַיְבִאֶהָ יִצְחָק הָאֹהֱלָה שָׂרָה אִמּוֹ – And Yitzchok brought her into the tent of his mother, Sarah (ibid. 24:67). It says that for a reason – he “brought her into the tent of Sarah” because he wanted to try and recapture some of that old greatness of his mother, Sarah, who had just passed away (Rashi, ibid.). And Rivka tried her best, absolutely. But it wasn’t the same.

A House Built Around Hashem

The central theme, the pivot on which everything revolved was the Creator of the world. All their thoughts and all their deeds were devoted to the ideal that Hashem is in our house. That’s what made it a beis hamikdash — the kedusha, the Awareness of Hashem, was so dense that it constantly impinged on their awareness in everything they did.

Now don’t think that a Jewish home is lacking cheer and fun. Avraham and Sarah lived very happy lives. They had more fun in their home than we have – much more. But their ideal was to build a beis hamikdash and that requires constant Awareness of Hashem. When they ate, they were eating like people who were eating offerings from the mizbeach. When they slaughtered an animal and prepared food to feed themselves and their guests it was no less than when the kohanim slaughtered and prepared an offering in the beis hamikdash.

You have to know that whatever Sarah did in gashmiyus was ruchniyus. Everything she did in her home was saturated with Hashem. When Sarah was baking, she wasn’t just baking; she was making menachos. She was serving Hashem! The gemara says that the par of Yom Kippur was just an echo of the par that Avraham slaughtered for every visitor. And you can be sure that the challos that Sarah made were a prototype for all the challos that were served in the Beis Hamikdash, the lachmei todah and the lechem hapanim and shtei halechem. Everything Sarah did in the home, was like a kohen serving Hakodosh Boruch Hu in the Beis Hamikdash.

Creating A Holy Space

About Sarah the passuk (Mishlei 31:27) describing the eishes chayil is quoted: צוֹפִיָּה הֲלִיכוֹת בֵּיתָהּ – She oversees, she supervises what goes on in her house. Tzofiyah means she was a mashgiach, looking constantly if everybody is behaving properly in her house. Because Sarah understood that she was building a mikdash, something holy and eternal, so she kept a sharp eye out for anything that would impinge on the kedusha of the home.

Now, to say that she wouldn’t bear the sight of the Ladies Home Journal or a television in her tent, that we don’t have to mention; a home that has in it gentile magazines and television is not a beis hamikdash – it’s not even a decent gentile home. You cannot be decent if you have a television around – you just can’t.

But Sarah Imeinu set her sights on much more than a decent home – she was on the lookout for even the slightest thing that didn’t belong in a beis hamikdash. And so, when וַתֵּרֶא שָׂרָה, when Sarah saw, אֶת בֶּן הָגָר מְצַחֵק – that Yishmael was laughing, she didn’t let it pass so easily. She saw him joking around. Now, the meforshim say all kinds of things about metzachek; that it was avodah zarah, gilui arayos and shfichas damim. But we’ll follow pshuto shel mikra and we’ll understand that this is what the chachamim meant: In the house of Sarah, if somebody is jesting, making leitzanus, saying foolish things – that’s like avodah zarah and gilui arayos and shfichas damim!

A Place For The Shechinah

When Yishmael laughed in that house, Sarah was scandalized; she was stunned by what she saw. Now, I’m sure Sarah smiled in that house all the time; she was a woman of good cheer; always smiling and friendly. But a joker?! A jester?! Such a person, who knows what can happen to him?! To laugh out loud in the house of Sarah was like a kohen gadol who entered the kodesh hakodoshim on Yom Kippur and someone peeked in and saw the kohen gadol give off a big laugh, a guffaw. On Yom Kippur! Such a holy day! It would be a scandal of scandals! And therefore Sarah reacted and said: גָּרֵשׁ – He has to be sent away; he doesn’t belong in this beis hamikdash anymore.

They had spent so many years building up yiras Hashem in that house and so, when she saw that, she told Avraham, “He can’t be here.” And Hakodosh Boruch Hu approved of her words (21:12). כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ. He agreed with her. I understand it sounds uncomfortable to American ears but Sarah was an idealist; that’s the house she wanted. In her house everybody had hadras kodesh and that’s how it became a mikdash. It was due to Sarah, you have to know. עָנָן הָיָה קָשׁוּר עַל אֲהָלָהּ – There was a cloud, a cloud of the Shechina, that remained over her tent as long as she was alive (Bereishis Rabbah 60:16). It was there because of Sarah. She’s the one who built that Beis Hamikdash mamash — more than a Beis Hamikdash.

So to sum up – I would say the following, only that immediately it would minimize everything; it would spoil everything. But I have to say it. Whatever Avraham and Sarah did was with kavanah l’sheim shamayim. Today already, that might not mean much because that phrase is overused, it’s bandied about and cheapened. But it’s the truth – it was with the awareness of shamayim that they did everything. And therefore nothing was done unless it was motivated by this awareness.

Now, as I said before, I must repeat the exhortation that you shouldn’t consider this exaggerated. Don’t think it’s being overdone – actually whatever you hear now is only part of the truth. Because I never saw such a home and therefore I’m not able to do justice to it. Everything they did was saturated with Hashem. All their days whatever move they made, it was built on the thought that Hakodosh Boruch Hu is right here – the Shechina is resting on our home and we’re doing our best to live up to such a glorious environment.

It Becomes Part Of Your Personality

So in order to fulfill the Shulchan Aruch, when you sit down to eat you should allow this thought to enter your mind and gradually as you continue to practice it, it begins to take part in all of your actions. It has a share in your thoughts. And after a while you’ll find that part of your intention is l’sheim shamayim. You start speaking about l’sheim shamayim and it’s only external. But after a while it becomes a true intention which participates in your motivations.

That’s number one! The foundation of a home is the Awareness of Hakodosh Boruch Hu. We are marrying, we are moving into a home, לַעֲבֹד אֶת הַשֵּׁם. And whatever we are doing, even gashmiyus sh’bigashmiyus, even the joy, the physical fun in the home is intended to enhance the status of that home as a place of the service of Hashem. And as the years pass by, the ideal grows upon you and it becomes a stronger and stronger part of your personality and your thoughts until finally, before you realize it, it occupies a very big part in all your motivations.