Written in Collaboration with Dr. Dani Rosenkrantz, Licensed Psychologist and Expert in Jewish LGBTQ+ Mental Health
Judaism and Jewish culture are steeped in tradition. Traditions help us feel connected to our past, our community and ourselves. The midrash teaches us that Abraham and Sarah’s tent was open on all four sides, so they could greet anyone passing by and welcome them into their home (Bereshit Rabbat 48:9).
(ט) אָמַר עַד שֶׁלֹא מַלְתִּי הָיוּ הָעוֹבְרִים וְהַשָּׁבִים בָּאִים אֶצְלִי, אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עַד שֶׁלֹא מַלְתָּה הָיוּ בְּנֵי אָדָם עֲרֵלִים בָּאִים, עַכְשָׁו אֲנִי וּבְנֵי פַּמַּלְיָא שֶׁלִּי נִגְלִים עָלֶיךָ, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (בראשית יח, ב): וַיִּשָּׂא עֵינָיו וַיַּרְא וְהִנֵּה שְׁלשָׁה אֲנָשִׁים נִצָּבִים עָלָיו, וַיַּרְא בַּשְּׁכִינָה, וַיַּרְא בַּמַּלְאָכִים. אָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא שְׁמוֹת חֳדָשִׁים עָלוּ מִבָּבֶל. רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ אָמַר אַף שְׁמוֹת מַלְאָכִים מִיכָאֵל רְפָאֵל וְגַבְרִיאֵל. אָמַר רַבִּי לֵוִי אֶחָד נִדְמָה לוֹ בִּדְמוּת סָדָקִי, וְאֶחָד נִדְמָה לוֹ בִּדְמוּת נָוָטִי, וְאֶחָד בִּדְמוּת עֲרָבִי, אָמַר אִם רוֹאֶה אֲנִי שֶׁשְּׁכִינָה מַמְתֶּנֶת עֲלֵיהֶם אֲנִי יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁהֵן בְּנֵי אָדָם גְּדוֹלִים, וְאִם אֲנִי רוֹאֶה אוֹתָן חוֹלְקִים כָּבוֹד אֵלּוּ לְאֵלּוּ, אֲנִי יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁהֵן בְּנֵי אָדָם מְהוּגָנִין, וְכֵיוָן שֶׁרָאָה אוֹתָן חוֹלְקִין כָּבוֹד אֵלּוּ לְאֵלּוּ, יָדַע שֶׁהֵן בְּנֵי אָדָם מְהוּגָנִין. אָמַר רַבִּי אַבָּהוּ אֹהֶל פְּלָן שֶׁל אָבִינוּ אַבְרָהָם מְפֻלָּשׁ הָיָה, רַבִּי יוּדָן אָמַר כְּהָדֵין דְּרוֹמִילוֹס, אָמַר אִם אֲנִי רוֹאֶה אוֹתָן שֶׁהִפְלִיגוּ אֶת דַּרְכָּם לְהִתְקָרֵב דֶּרֶךְ כָּאן, אֲנִי יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁהֵן בָּאִים אֶצְלִי, כֵּיוָן שֶׁרָאָה אוֹתָן שֶׁהִפְלִיגוּ, מִיָּד וַיָּרָץ לִקְרָאתָם מִפֶּתַח הָאֹהֶל וַיִּשְׁתַּחוּ אָרְצָה.
(9) “He lifted his eyes and he saw, and, behold, three men were standing over him; he saw and ran toward them from the entrance of the tent, and prostrated himself to the ground” (Genesis 18:2). He [Abraham] said: ‘Before I was circumcised, passersby would come in to me.’ The Holy One blessed be He said to him: ‘Before you were circumcised, uncircumcised people would come to you. Now, I and the members of my entourage are revealing ourselves to you.’ That is what is written: “He lifted his eyes and saw, and, behold, three men were standing near him; [he saw…].” “He saw” – the Divine Presence; “he saw” –the angels. Rabbi Ḥanina said: The names of the months ascended from Babylon. Reish Lakish said: The names of the angels, Mikhael, Refael, and Gavriel, as well. Rabbi Levi said: One appeared to him in the image of a Saracen, one in the image of a Nabatean, and one in the image of an Arab. He [Abraham] said: ‘If I see that the Divine Presence waits for them, I will know that they are prominent people. If I see that they act respectfully towards to one another, I will know that they are reputable people.’ When he saw them acting respectfully towards one another, he knew that they were reputable people. Rabbi Abahu said: The main tent of our patriarch Abraham was open on both sides, like a large plaza. He said: ‘If I see them, that they turn off from their way to approach this way, I will know that they are coming to me.’ When he saw that they had turned off the road, he immediately “ran toward them from the entrance of the tent, and prostrated himself to the ground.”
Jewish tradition encourages us to be an “open tent” the community can walk into, which invites the question: How do we open up so LGBTQ+ people feel welcome? How can we explore the practice of rituals in new and exciting ways and learn about inspiring ways members of our community have enriched our tradition with inclusive additions? A creative reimagining invites us to explore tradition for connection opportunities that focus on belonging for all.
Question: What rituals most speak to you in your experience of Jewish connection? Are there rituals you struggle with that we could reimagine? If you are part of an organization or community, which things could you consider reimagining? How could you adapt or integrate traditions to be inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community?
Drawing inspiration to transform Jewish rituals and traditions
We have many ways to connect to LGBTQ+ affirmation in Jewish tradition. We’re very lucky to have so many Jewish partners sharing resources to bring inclusion into our practices. For starters, Keshet, RitualWell and One Table offer an array of resources for adapting prayers and rituals. Try one or two — or all! — of the ideas below. If one in particular speaks to you, you can learn more about it on its website and discuss how integrating it might look and feel in your community.
Queering Daily Prayers: RitualWell provides a tool for considering how to make daily prayers more inclusive for all genders.
Begin with this blessing for all:
ברוך אתה יהוה אלהינו מלך העולם שאשני בצלמו
Barukh atah Ad-nai Eloheynu melekh ha’olam sheh’asani b’tzalmo
I give thanks that I am created in in Image of God
Choose the appropriate continuation/s.
For a non-binary person:
ברוך אתה יהוה אלהינו מלך העולם שעשני כרצונו
Barukh atah Ad-nai Eloheynu melekh ha’olam sheh’asani kirtzono
I give thanks to God for making me according to the divine will
Orange on the Seder plate for LGBTQ+ inclusion: Keshet offers education about the addition of an orange to your Seder to symbolize LGBTQ+ inclusion.
Hosting a Pride Shabbat: Keshet offers a planning guide for making Shabbat dinners more inclusive. OneTable also provides a tool to help you create a Pride Shabbat in your home.
Creating inclusive LGBTQ+ life-cycle rituals
Jewish life cycle events afford ample opportunities for inclusion. Take the following inspiring examples:
Creating inclusive LGBTQ+ life-cycle rituals
Jewish life cycle events afford ample opportunities for inclusion. Take the following inspiring examples:
- B-mitzvah: Keshet provides a look at how to create gender-inclusive coming-of-age experiences.
- Mikvah: Mayyim Hayyim offers diverse options for ways to use a mikvah in important moments, including for gender transition, coming out and b’mitzvah.
- Weddings: Keshet and RitualWell provide resources for ways to bring inclusion into wedding rituals.
- Name-changing ceremonies: RitualWell shares a positive and celebratory look at name-change ceremonies as a tool for affirmation:
- My Name Change Ritual – Ritualwell
- Ceremony of Affirmation and Renaming – Ritualwell
- Transition Ritual for Rabbah Rona Matlow
Take some time to think about what reimaginings most speak to you.