הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר...וּבְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין אֲנָשִׁים, הִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִהְיוֹת אִישׁ
(5) He used to say: A brute is not sin-fearing, nor is an ignorant person pious; nor can a timid person learn, nor can an impatient person teach; nor will someone who engages too much in business become wise. In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man.
השתדל להיות איש
וי"א לעניין צניעות קאמר, דהצנע לכת עם אלקיך [כברכות כ"ח ב]:
ושמעתי מחכם זקן שאמר ובמקום שאין אנשים כלומר שאין שם שום איש רק אתה בחדרי חדרים ואין רואך ויודעך ולכן לא תאמר אחטא כי מי רואני ומי יודעני רק אפי' במקום שאין אנשים ואין איש אתך בבית שם צריך שתשתדל להיות איש צדיק ישר ונאמן:
פירוש אחר ובמקום שאין אנשים. אם ראית דור שהתורה מתרשלת על ידו עמוד והשתדל בה שנא' (תהלים קי"ט קכ"ו) עת לעשות לה׳ הפרו תורתך. מה טעם עת לעשות לה׳, משום דהפרו תורתך
In a place where there is no man, strive to be a man: The early scholars (rishonim) explained, "In a place where there is no man" to help you in the commandments and to chastise you, "strive to be a man" and straighten yourself, so as to only 'do that which is good and straight in the eyes of the Lord.' Another explanation: "In a place where there is no man" - if you see a generation wherein the Torah is slacking, stand up and strive with it, as it is stated (Psalms 119:126), "It is a time to do for the Lord, they have abrogated your Torah." What is the reason that "it is a time to do for the Lord?" Because "they have abrogated your Torah" - as its beginning is learned from its end - as it is found at the end of Tractate Berakhot 63a. And we can also explain, "In a place where there is no man" greater than you in wisdom, "strive to be a man." And do not refrain from becoming wiser, even if you cannot find a sage greater than you in your city. Even if there is no one like you in that [whole] generation, see yourself as [if you were] in the generation of the sages of the Talmud and you are with them in one place. Even if you acquire their level, think as if you are standing with the prophets, up until Moshe, our teacher - peace be upon him. And when will you reach their level and their wisdom? And in this [way], you will never slack from learning Torah and you will improve your traits each and every day - as you will add to your wisdom and you will be like a flowing spring.
תַּנִּי רִבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחָי אוֹמֵר "אם ראית דור שמתרפים מדברי תורה, עמוד והחזק בה ואתה נוטל שכר כולם. מַה טַעֲמָא הֵפֵרוּ תוֹרָתֶךָ עֵת לַעֲשׂוֹת לה׳.
(Ps. 119:126) “It is time to work for the Eternal, they violated Your Torah.” Rebbi Nathan inverts the verse: “They violated Your Torah, it is time to work for the Eternal.” Rebbi Ḥilqiah in the name of Rebbi Simon: He who restricts his Torah to fixed times breaches the covenant. What is the reason? “They violated Your Torah, it is time to work for the Eternal.” It was stated: Rebbi Simeon ben Yoḥai says: If you see that people have given up on Torah, get up and strengthen yourself in it and you will receive the reward of all of them. What is the reason? “They violated Your Torah, it is time to work for the Eternal!”
ומסביר הרב קוטלר זצ''ל, דהרי כל קיום הבריאה הוא על-ידי התורה, שנאמר "אם לא בריתי יומם ולילה חוקות שמים וארץ לא שמתי" ואם אתה לומד תורה הרי שעל ידך מתקיים העולם, ואלו שמתרפים חיים בזכותך, ולכן אתה נוטל שכר כולם.
בָּרָא צַדִּיקִים בָּרָא רְשָׁעִים, בָּרָא גַּן עֵדֶן בָּרָא גֵּיהִנָּם. כׇּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד יֵשׁ לוֹ שְׁנֵי חֲלָקִים, אֶחָד בְּגַן עֵדֶן וְאֶחָד בְּגֵיהִנָּם. זָכָה צַדִּיק — נָטַל חֶלְקוֹ וְחֵלֶק חֲבֵרוֹ בְּגַן עֵדֶן, נִתְחַיֵּיב רָשָׁע — נָטַל חֶלְקוֹ וְחֵלֶק חֲבֵרוֹ בְּגֵיהִנָּם.
Aḥer said to him: Rabbi Akiva, your teacher, did not say so, but explained the verse as follows: Everything has its opposite: He created the righteous, He created the wicked; He created the Garden of Eden, He created Gehenna. Each and every person has two portions, one in the Garden of Eden and one in Gehenna. If he merits it, by becoming righteous, he takes his portion and the portion of his wicked colleague in the Garden of Eden; if he is found culpable by becoming wicked, he takes his portion and the portion of his colleague in Gehenna.
בספר משנת רבי אהרן: שהבלתי זוכה מכביד את עבודת השם על חבירו, וכמו במרגלים, שאחרי שהיו מרגלים שהוציאו דיבה והלינו את כל העדה, היה צורך בהתאמצות יתירה לילך נגדם, ולכן הוצרך משה להתפלל על יהושע, וכלב הלך ונשתטח על קברי אבות, וממילא גם נטל שכר המוכן לחבירו, שהרי 'לפום צערא אגרא' ומגיע לו שכר יותר גדול.
ועוד נוכל לפרש במקום שאין אנשים גדולים ממך בחכמה השתדל להיות איש. ואל תמנע מלהחכים אע"פ שלא תמצא חכם בעירך גדול ממך. אף אם אין בדור ההוא כמותך תראה עצמך כאלו בדור חכמי התלמוד ואתה עמהם במקום אחד. גם כי תשיג למעלתם תחשוב כי אם אתה עומד עם הנביאים עד משה רבינו ע"ה ומתי תשיג למעלתם ולחכמתם. ובזה לא תתרשל לעולם מללמוד ובכל יום ויום התקן במדותיך כי תוסיף על חכמתך ותהיה כמעין הנובע:
(1) He was accustomed to say: A boor (bur) cannot fear sin. An ignorant person (literally, a man of the land - am haarets) cannot be pious: The boor is empty - he does not have in him Torah or commandments or the way of the world in terms of good traits. And in the Targum (Onkelos Genesis 47:19), "do not place," is "do not tabur. And he did not need [to say], a boor cannot be pious, since he is not even one who fears sin - as from his emptiness, he does not [even] know to guard himself from sins. But an ignoramus is involved with the creatures through important traits and has a few straight dispositions: He knows how to protect himself and [so] he guards himself from transgressions. And he is [even] able to be righteous and to do and to fulfill what he is [told] that he is commanded. But only one who is great in Torah [knowledge] can reach the level of piety, since it is a trait that requires purity of heart and cleanness of soul. And [the ignoramus] does not have the wisdom in his hand to veer from the middle marker to the far end, to fulfill [going] beyond the [letter] of the law. And because of this he is called an am haarets - since he is with them in derekh erets (good manners), and because most of the world (land - haarets) is like him.
(2) A person prone to being ashamed cannot learn: The trait of shame is good in every matter except for study, as the matter is stated (Psalms 119:46), "I will speak of Your testimonies, and not be ashamed in the presence of kings." As when David, peace be upon him, was running away from Shaul and he stood in front of kings of the nations of the world, he was not ashamed of speaking words of Torah and of the commandments - even if they mocked him and ridiculed his words. As shame is not good in study. And also the student should not say, "How can someone as foolish as I ask something of a great Torah sage, who is [so] sharp in wisdom, [whereas] I have neither intelligence nor understanding." If this will be his doctrine all of the day, from where will wisdom come to him? And this is what the sages [masters] of wisdom, may their memory be blessed, said in the book, Choice Pearls, "Ask the question of fools, and guard the guardings of the generous." This means to say, just like the generous do not squander their money and do not hoard it, but give it readily and willingly to the places that are fitting - as we have explained above; so [too] with wisdom, speak about it with fit people at fit times, but not with every person and [not] at a time when he knows that his words will not be heard. It comes out that you say that it is for them to ask every question and not to be ashamed, so that he will learn the things.
(3) An impatient person cannot teach: It is not needed that a teacher be angry nor that he be short of [patience]; but rather [he should] be magnanimous and answer everything (that he has) that they ask. Even if they have difficulty in understanding his answer, he should review it for them until they come to the depth of the matter.
(4) Not all who engage in a lot of business become wise: Since he is involved in his business all of the day and makes it fixed and his Torah flexible, he will never become wise.
(5) In a place where there is no man, strive to be a man: The early scholars (rishonim) explained, "In a place where there is no man" to help you in the commandments and to chastise you, "strive to be a man" and straighten yourself, so as to only 'do that which is good and straight in the eyes of the Lord.' Another explanation: "In a place where there is no man" - if you see a generation wherein the Torah is slacking, stand up and strive with it, as it is stated (Psalms 119:126), "It is a time to do for the Lord, they have abrogated your Torah." What is the reason that "it is a time to do for the Lord?" Because "they have abrogated your Torah" - as its beginning is learned from its end - as it is found at the end of Tractate Berakhot 63a. And we can also explain, "In a place where there is no man" greater than you in wisdom, "strive to be a man." And do not refrain from becoming wiser, even if you cannot find a sage greater than you in your city. Even if there is no one like you in that [whole] generation, see yourself as [if you were] in the generation of the sages of the Talmud and you are with them in one place. Even if you acquire their level, think as if you are standing with the prophets, up until Moshe, our teacher - peace be upon him. And when will you reach their level and their wisdom? And in this [way], you will never slack from learning Torah and you will improve your traits each and every day - as you will add to your wisdom and you will be like a flowing spring.
אָמַר רַבִּי: הַאי דִּמְחַדַּדְנָא מֵחַבְרַאי דַּחֲזִיתֵיהּ לְרַבִּי מֵאִיר מֵאֲחוֹרֵיהּ, וְאִילּוּ חֲזִיתֵיהּ מִקַּמֵּיהּ הֲוָה מְחַדַּדְנָא טְפֵי — דִּכְתִיב: ״וְהָיוּ עֵינֶיךָ רוֹאוֹת אֶת מוֹרֶיךָ״.
The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said: The fact that I am more incisive than my colleagues is due to the fact that I saw Rabbi Meir from behind, i.e., I sat behind him when I was his student. Had I seen him from the front, I would be even more incisive, as it is written: “And your eyes shall see your teacher” (Isaiah 30:20). Seeing the face of one’s teacher increases one’s understanding and sharpens one’s mind.
בִּשְׁעַת פְּטִירָתוֹ שֶׁל רַבִּי זָקַף עֶשֶׂר אֶצְבְּעוֹתָיו כְּלַפֵּי מַעְלָה, אֲמַר: רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם! גָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לְפָנֶיךָ שֶׁיָּגַעְתִּי בְּעֶשֶׂר אֶצְבְּעוֹתַי בַּתּוֹרָה, וְלֹא נֶהֱנֵיתִי אֲפִילּוּ בְּאֶצְבַּע קְטַנָּה.
It is further related: At the time of the death of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, he raised his ten fingers toward Heaven and said in prayer: Master of the Universe, it is revealed and known before You that I toiled with my ten fingers in the Torah, and I have not derived any benefit from the world even with my small finger. May it be Your will that there be peace in my repose. A Divine Voice emerged and said: “He enters in peace, they rest in their beds” (Isaiah 57:2).
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: עָנִי וְעָשִׁיר וְרָשָׁע בָּאִין לַדִּין, לֶעָנִי אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה לֹא עָסַקְתָּ בַּתּוֹרָה?
אִם אוֹמֵר: עָנִי הָיִיתִי, וְטָרוּד בִּמְזוֹנוֹתַי,
אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: כְּלוּם עָנִי הָיִיתָ יוֹתֵר מֵהִלֵּל?
אָמְרוּ עָלָיו עַל הִלֵּל הַזָּקֵן שֶׁבְּכׇל יוֹם וָיוֹם הָיָה עוֹשֶׂה וּמִשְׂתַּכֵּר בִּטְרַפָּעִיק, חֶצְיוֹ הָיָה נוֹתֵן לְשׁוֹמֵר בֵּית הַמִּדְרָשׁ, וְחֶצְיוֹ לְפַרְנָסָתוֹ וּלְפַרְנָסַת אַנְשֵׁי בֵיתוֹ. פַּעַם אַחַת לֹא מָצָא לְהִשְׂתַּכֵּר, וְלֹא הִנִּיחוֹ שׁוֹמֵר בֵּית הַמִּדְרָשׁ לְהִכָּנֵס....
עָשִׁיר, אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה לֹא עָסַקְתָּ בַּתּוֹרָה?
אִם אוֹמֵר: עָשִׁיר הָיִיתִי וְטָרוּד הָיִיתִי בִּנְכָסַי.
אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: כְּלוּם עָשִׁיר הָיִיתָ יוֹתֵר מֵרַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר? אָמְרוּ עָלָיו עַל רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן חַרְסוֹם שֶׁהִנִּיחַ לוֹ אָבִיו אֶלֶף עֲיָירוֹת בַּיַּבָּשָׁה, וּכְנֶגְדָּן אֶלֶף סְפִינוֹת בַּיָּם. וּבְכׇל יוֹם וָיוֹם נוֹטֵל נֹאד שֶׁל קֶמַח עַל כְּתֵיפוֹ וּמְהַלֵּךְ מֵעִיר לְעִיר וּמִמְּדִינָה לִמְדִינָה לִלְמוֹד תּוֹרָה...וּמִיָּמָיו לֹא הָלַךְ וְרָאָה אוֹתָן, אֶלָּא יוֹשֵׁב וְעוֹסֵק בַּתּוֹרָה כׇּל הַיּוֹם וְכׇל הַלַּיְלָה.
רָשָׁע, אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה לֹא עָסַקְתָּ בַּתּוֹרָה? אִם אָמַר: נָאֶה הָיִיתִי, וְטָרוּד בְּיִצְרִי, (הָיָה) אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: כְּלוּם נָאֶה הָיִיתָ מִיּוֹסֵף? אָמְרוּ עָלָיו עַל יוֹסֵף הַצַּדִּיק: בְּכׇל יוֹם וָיוֹם הָיְתָה אֵשֶׁת פּוֹטִיפַר מְשַׁדַּלְתּוֹ בִּדְבָרִים. בְּגָדִים שֶׁלָּבְשָׁה לוֹ שַׁחֲרִית לֹא לָבְשָׁה לוֹ עַרְבִית. בְּגָדִים שֶׁלָּבְשָׁה לוֹ עַרְבִית לֹא לָבְשָׁה לוֹ שַׁחֲרִית. אָמְרָה לוֹ: הִשָּׁמַע לִי! אָמַר לָהּ: לָאו....
נִמְצָא: הִלֵּל מְחַיֵּיב אֶת הָעֲנִיִּים, רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן חַרְסוֹם מְחַיֵּיב אֶת הָעֲשִׁירִים, יוֹסֵף מְחַיֵּיב אֶת הָרְשָׁעִים.
§ Apropos the great wealth of Rabbi Elazar ben Ḥarsum, the Gemara cites that which the Sages taught: A poor person, and a wealthy person, and a wicked person come to face judgment before the Heavenly court for their conduct in this world. To the poor person, the members of the court say: Why did you not engage in Torah? If he rationalizes his conduct and says: I was poor and preoccupied with earning enough to pay for my sustenance and that is why I did not engage in Torah study, they say to him: Were you any poorer than Hillel, who was wretchedly poor and nevertheless attempted to study Torah? They said about Hillel the Elder that each and every day he would work and earn a half-dinar, half of which he would give to the guard of the study hall and half of which he spent for his sustenance and the sustenance of the members of his family. One time he did not find employment to earn a wage, and the guard of the study hall did not allow him to enter. He ascended to the roof, suspended himself, and sat at the edge of the skylight in order to hear the words of the Torah of the living God from the mouths of Shemaya and Avtalyon, the spiritual leaders of that generation. The Sages continued and said: That day was Shabbat eve and it was the winter season of Tevet, and snow fell upon him from the sky. When it was dawn, Shemaya said to Avtalyon: Avtalyon, my brother, every day at this hour the study hall is already bright from the sunlight streaming through the skylight, and today it is dark; is it perhaps a cloudy day? They focused their eyes and saw the image of a man in the skylight. They ascended and found him covered with snow three cubits high. They extricated him from the snow, and they washed him and smeared oil on him, and they sat him opposite the bonfire to warm him. They said: This man is worthy for us to desecrate Shabbat for him. Saving a life overrides Shabbat in any case; however, this great man is especially deserving. Clearly, poverty is no excuse for the failure to attempt to study Torah. And if a wealthy man comes before the heavenly court, the members of the court say to him: Why did you not engage in Torah? If he says: I was wealthy and preoccupied with managing my possessions, they say to him: Were you any wealthier than Rabbi Elazar, who was exceedingly wealthy and nevertheless studied Torah? They said about Rabbi Elazar ben Ḥarsum that his father left him an inheritance of one thousand villages on land, and corresponding to them, one thousand ships at sea. And each and every day he takes a leather jug of flour on his shoulder and walks from city to city and from state to state to study Torah from the Torah scholars in each of those places. One time as he passed through the villages in his estate and his servants found him, did not recognize him, and, thinking he was a resident of the town, they pressed him into service [angarya] for the master of the estate. He said to them: I beseech you; let me be and I will go study Torah. They said: We swear by the life of Rabbi Elazar ben Ḥarsum that we will not let you be. The Gemara comments: And in all his days, he never went and saw all his possessions and his property; rather, he would sit and engage in the study of Torah all day and all night. And if a wicked man comes to judgment, the members of the court say to him: Why did you not engage in Torah? If he said: I was handsome and preoccupied with my evil inclination, as I had many temptations, they say to him: Were you any more handsome than Joseph, who did not neglect Torah despite his beauty? They said about Joseph the righteous: Each and every day, the wife of Potiphar seduced him with words. In addition, the clothes that she wore to entice him in the morning, she did not wear to entice him in the evening. The clothes that she wore to entice him in the evening, she did not wear to entice him in the morning of the next day. One day she said to him: Submit to me and have relations with me.He said to her: No. She said to him: I will incarcerate you in the prison. He said to her: I do not fear you, as it is stated: “God releases prisoners” (Psalms 146:7). She said to him: I will cause you to be bent over with suffering. He said: “God straightens those who are bent over” (Psalms 146:8). She said I will blind your eyes. He said to her “God opens the eyes of the blind” (Psalms 146:8). She gave him a thousand talents of silver to submit to her, “to lie with her and be with her” (Genesis 39:10), and he refused. The Gemara elaborates: Had he submitted to her to lie with her in this world, it would have been decreed in Heaven that he would be with her in the World-to-Come. Therefore, he refused. Consequently, Hillel obligates the poor to study Torah, Rabbi Elazar ben Ḥarsum obligates the wealthy, and Joseph obligates the wicked. For each category of people, there is a role model who overcame his preoccupations and temptations to study Torah.
(א) בו יבאר מה שאמרו חז"ל, שמצוה לשמח חתן וכלה, ובאיזה מקומות אין חיוב בזה והנה לשמח חתן וכלה גם זה ענין גדול...וגם זה נכלל בכלל גמילות חסדים
ומצינו באיזבל אשת אחאב המרשעת, שהסיתה אותו לעבודה זרה, וגם לשפך דם נבות היזרעאלי. וענש אותה הכתוב שיאכלוה -הכלבים, וכתיב בקרא, שהלכו לקברה, ולא מצאו בה כי אם הגלגלת והרגלים (מלכים ב' ט' ל"ה) וכפות הידים. ואמרו חז"ל (פרקי דרבי אליעזר פרק י"ז), שהיה זה עבור שהיתה מרקדת ברגליה ומקשקשת בראשה לפני הכלות, לכן נשארו אלו האיברים, ולא אכלום הכלבים. מכל זה יש להתבונן גדל המצוה שיש בזה.
(ב) ועקר מצוה של שמחת חתן וכלה מצוי יותר במקום שאין איש, דהינו בבני עניים, או בעלי בתים היורדים, ששם אין מצוי כל כך מי שילך לשמחם...
I heard Rabbi Avraham Chaim Fueur say a eulogy for his father-in-law. His father-in-law was the great Rav Mordechai Gifter, the Telzer Rosh Yeshiva. And at the eulogy Rabbi Feuer described what it was like in the dorm room of his father-in-law when his father-in-law was a young boy.
He said he grew up in America and the dorm was a dorm room like most other fellows’ dorm rooms. And yet if you walked into young Mordechai Gifter’s dorm room you would see one thing different. Over his bed was a mirror. Now, that wasn’t that unusual, other fellows had mirrors. But it was around the mirror. Around the mirror were all the great people that young Mordechai Gifter wanted to be like: Rav Shimon Shkop, Rav Baruch Ber — all the men that he aspired to be like.
But that also was not the unusual part. It was the words over the mirror. Over the mirror were written the words “Why not you?” And apparently every day young Mordechai Gifter would go over to that mirror, look at the people that he aspired to be like, look at the very two eyes staring back at him. He would read the words why not you, and there was no reason, because he became Rav Mordechai Gifter, Telzer Rosh Yeshiva, one of the gedolei Yisrael
Rav Baruch Ber: only because I strove to be R Akiva Eiger...
Roger Bannister: First sub-four-minute mile
On the morning of 6 May 1954, Sir Roger Bannister did the impossible.
The Daily Telegraph, at the time had described the sub-four-minute mile as “sport’s greatest goal”, something “as elusive and seemingly unattainable as Everest” (another apparently impossible human achievement that had recently been chalked off by Sir Edmund Hilary and Tenzing Norgay).
Indeed, Bannister had been told by physiologists that not only was running the four-minute mile impossible for an athlete to do, but attempting to do so was dangerous to one's health.
The 4-Minute Mile Effect
by Parker Conley
Definition
In 1954, Roger Bannister ran the first officially sanctioned sub-4-minute mile: a pivotal record in modern middle-distance running. Before Bannister's record, such a time was considered impossible. Soon after Bannister's record, multiple runners also beat the 4-minute mile.
This essay outlines the potential psychological effect behind the above phenomenon — the 4-minute mile effect — and outlines implications for its existence. The 4-minute mile effect describes when someone breaking a perceived limit enables others to break the same limit. In short, social proof is very powerful.
What Changed? The Mental Model
The current world record time for the mile sits at 3:43.13, set in 1999. In their book, The Power of Impossible Thinking, Wharton School professors Yoram Wind and Colin Crook devote an entire chapter to Roger Bannister’s feat in which they pose the following questions: “Was there a sudden growth spurt in human evolution? Was there a genetic engineering experiment that created a new race of super runners? No.” The answer to what Bannister had achieved was not physical. “What changed was the mental model. The runners of the past had been held back by a mindset that said they could not surpass the four-minute mile. When the limit was broken, the others saw that they could do something they had previously thought impossible.”7 There are four-minute-mile barriers in all our lives. Where are they in yours? What seems impossible but isn’t? While you are misusing your energy believing it can’t be done, the Roger Bannisters of the world are busy getting it done. Who would you rather be? All your energy can be harnessed by the correct attitude of the mind.
To recap: Seeing the impossible done makes it possible. Proof enables belief, and belief unlocks ability. The first step past "impossible" invites many more. Go find people who did impossible things so that you can do them too.
I'd love to hear others' examples of the 4-minute mile effect or thoughts on the phenomenon in general.
ובמקום שאין אנשים השתדל להיות איש:
רמז יש כאן לכל אדם שנמצא בחדרי חדרים מבלי שאיש רואה אותו, ולכאורה יכול להתנהג ולחשוב ולפעול ללא דרך ארץ בצורה חופשית בחוסר צניעות, בא התנא לומר לנו אדרבה, בזאת תיבחן. דווקא במקום שאין אנשים צריך אתה להתנהג כמו בן תורה. כמו אדם מכובד ורציני ולא כמו בהמה שלוחת רסן. דווקא כאן מתגלה האדם האמיתי שבך. יראת השמיים שלך בסתר בחדרי חדרים כבגלוי. לפעמים אדם בחברת בני אדם אחרים מתנהג יפה בצורה מכובדת, אוכל בצורה מנומסת, מתאפק, מקשיב, מתנהג בגינוני כבוד, ואילו כשהוא לבד או בחברת אשתו וכו' הוא נותן פורקן ליצרו ולהתנהגותו החייתית.
כתב רבנו חיים פלאגי' זיע''א שיש פעמים שאדם מתנהג בענווה פסולה כגון שבביהכנ''ס אין דרשן ואין מי שיאמר דברי תורה ומכבדים אותו והוא מצטנע מה אני מה חיי, זו ענווה פסולה. משום שבמקום שאין אנשים יתגבר כארי ויאזור חלציו ויזכה את הרבים בדבר הלכה או אגדה, סיפורי צדיקים, פרשת השבוע, כל מה שחננו הקב''ה החונן לאדם דעת. ולא יאמר מי אני איזה חגב בעלמא. כאן יכול ללבוש עוז וגאווה מותרת, ויקיים את הפסוק ''ויגבה ליבו בדרכי ה׳'', והכל לעשות נחת רוח ליוצרנו ולעשות רצון בוראנו.
וכן כשהולך אדם לשמחה ידוע הדבר כי הנושא הראשון שידובר בו בזה יהיה מדובר כל הערב, אז במקום שידברו על פוליטיקה ועל קולנוע ועל חדשות היום וכו'. תהא אתה האיש, תאמר חידוש תורה, סיפור יפה מהגמרא, או מחז''ל. ואז ממילא תזכה שכל אחד יזכר ויעלה איזה חידוש או דבר תורה ששמע והכל נזקף לזכותך. ה׳'ה כשאדם נמצא בעבודה או בבסיס הצבאי, ואשריו של העושה לשם שמיים. וגם אם לא ישמעו לקולו מפני שאינו דרשן מלהיב ומרתק, אדרבה לא יבוש מפני המלעיגים עליו העיקר שיכוון לשם שמיים ולעשות נחת רוח ליוצרינו ולעשות רצון בוראינו.
מספרים על אברך אחד שבא לחפץ חיים זצוק''ל ואמר לו אני מלמד בבית הכנסת מסויים בכל שבת. 3 שעות: שעה הלכה, שעה גמרא, ושעה פרשת השבוע, ואף אחד לא מבין ולא זוכר מה דרשתי, אמר לו הרב כמה אנשים באים לשיעור? אמר לו בערך 300 אמר לו הח''ח אני ממש מקנא בך, 300 יהודים בזכותך לא מדברים לשון הרע במשך 3 שעות!! מחלקך יהיה חלקי. תמשיך ותלמד וסוף דבר הכל נשמע.