Love and Affection (and Obligation) Wise Family Education November 17, 2024/16 Cheshvan 5785

And so, as Bible professor Jeffrey Tigay suggests, the first paragraph of shema makes it clear that loving God is not an abstract emotion, but is grounded in the concrete observance of mitzvot. The commandment to take the mitzvot to heart — והיו הדברים האלה אשר אנכי מצווך היום על לבבך — can be read as a direct explication of what it means to love God. Building upon this idea, it is possible to read the entire first paragraph of shema as a user’s manual for how to love God. Let’s give it a try.

-Rabbanit Lisa Schlaff

דברים ו׳:ה׳-ט׳

(ה) וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ בְּכׇל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכׇל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכׇל־מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃ (ו) וְהָי֞וּ הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה אֲשֶׁ֨ר אָנֹכִ֧י מְצַוְּךָ֛ הַיּ֖וֹם עַל־לְבָבֶֽךָ׃ (ז) וְשִׁנַּנְתָּ֣ם לְבָנֶ֔יךָ וְדִבַּרְתָּ֖ בָּ֑ם בְּשִׁבְתְּךָ֤ בְּבֵיתֶ֙ךָ֙ וּבְלֶכְתְּךָ֣ בַדֶּ֔רֶךְ וּֽבְשׇׁכְבְּךָ֖ וּבְקוּמֶֽךָ׃ (ח) וּקְשַׁרְתָּ֥ם לְא֖וֹת עַל־יָדֶ֑ךָ וְהָי֥וּ לְטֹטָפֹ֖ת בֵּ֥ין עֵינֶֽיךָ׃ (ט) וּכְתַבְתָּ֛ם עַל־מְזֻז֥וֹת בֵּיתֶ֖ךָ וּבִשְׁעָרֶֽיךָ׃ {ס}

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

(5) You shall love your God יהוה with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (6) Take to heart these instructions with which I charge you this day. (7) Impress them upon your children. Recite them when you stay at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you get up. (8) Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them serve as a symbol*symbol Others “frontlet”; cf. Exod. 13.16. on your forehead;*on your forehead Lit. “between your eyes”; cf. Exod. 13.9. (9) inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

1. What does it mean to "love God with all your heart, soul, and might"?
2. What is a parent commanded to teach their children, according to this text?
3. A more literal translation of that verse would say, "teach through oral repetition to your children." Does that change the meaning for you?

Interestingly, this is the first time the notion of loving God appears in the Torah. To the desert Jew who knew of God through the splitting of the sea, the thunder and lightning of matan Torah, mass plague, and bread falling from the sky, this was a shocking statement. “You must fear God” — yes. “You must be in awe of God” — certainly. “You must love God” would have been an incomprehensible command.

Rabbanit Lisa Schlaff

משלי כ״ב:ו׳

(ו) חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה׃

Proverbs 22:6

(6) Train up a child in the way s/he should go, And even when s/he is old, s/he will not depart from it.

משנה תורה, הלכות תשובה י׳:ו׳

דָּבָר יָדוּעַ וּבָרוּר שֶׁאֵין אַהֲבַת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא נִקְשֶׁרֶת בְּלִבּוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם עַד שֶׁיִּשְׁגֶּה בָּהּ תָּמִיד כָּרָאוּי וְיַעֲזֹב כָּל מַה שֶּׁבָּעוֹלָם חוּץ מִמֶּנָּה. כְּמוֹ שֶׁצִּוָּה וְאָמַר בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ. אֵינוֹ אוֹהֵב הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶלָּא בְּדַעַת שֶׁיְּדָעֵהוּ. וְעַל פִּי הַדֵּעָה תִּהְיֶה הָאַהֲבָה אִם מְעַט מְעַט וְאִם הַרְבֵּה הַרְבֵּה. לְפִיכָךְ צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְיַחֵד עַצְמוֹ לְהָבִין וּלְהַשְׂכִּיל בְּחָכְמוֹת וּתְבוּנוֹת הַמּוֹדִיעִים לוֹ אֶת קוֹנוֹ כְּפִי כֹּחַ שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּאָדָם לְהָבִין וּלְהַשִּׂיג כְּמוֹ שֶׁבֵּאַרְנוּ בְּהִלְכוֹת יְסוֹדֵי הַתּוֹרָה:

Mishneh Torah, Repentance 10:6

It is a clearly known matter, that Love of the Holy Blessed One is not bound up in a person’s heart until one engages it constantly as is appropriate, and abandons everything else in the world but this, as God commanded and said: with all your heart and with all your soul (Deut. 6:5). Love will be according to understanding: if [understanding] is slight, [love] will be slight, and if [understanding] is great, [love] will be great. Therefore a person must set aside [time] for themselves to understand and grasp the wisdom and understanding that their Creator provides them according to each person’s ability to understand and grasp, as we have explained in Laws of the Foundations of Torah.

"We sometimes wonder if our toils really make a difference. Raising a child with soul requires enormous effort...Our words resonate within their hearts....what does it mean to place words upon your heart? The Kotzker Rebbe responds so beautifully and assures us that there will be times that you feel as if you are not getting through to your children. You may grow despondent and think that you are talking to a wall. You begin to doubt yourself. Understand that even words placed on the heart eventually enter through the slightest opening."
Rebbetzin Slovie Jungreis-Wolfe

דברים ו׳:כ״ד-כ״ה

(כד) וַיְצַוֵּ֣נוּ יְהֹוָ֗ה לַעֲשׂוֹת֙ אֶת־כׇּל־הַחֻקִּ֣ים הָאֵ֔לֶּה לְיִרְאָ֖ה אֶת־יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֵ֑ינוּ לְט֥וֹב לָ֙נוּ֙ כׇּל־הַיָּמִ֔ים לְחַיֹּתֵ֖נוּ כְּהַיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּֽה׃ (כה) וּצְדָקָ֖ה תִּֽהְיֶה־לָּ֑נוּ כִּֽי־נִשְׁמֹ֨ר לַעֲשׂ֜וֹת אֶת־כׇּל־הַמִּצְוָ֣ה הַזֹּ֗את לִפְנֵ֛י יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ כַּאֲשֶׁ֥ר צִוָּֽנוּ׃ {ס}

Deuteronomy 6:24-25

(24) Then יהוה commanded us to observe all these laws, to revere our God יהוה, for our lasting good and for our survival, as is now the case. (25) It will be therefore to our merit before our God יהוה to observe faithfully this whole Instruction, as [God] has commanded us.”

1. What does the V'ahavta teach us about the connection between love and obligation?

Returning to the Jews in the desert, the command to love God is no longer amorphous or jarring; it is grounded in very concrete action items. We express love to our children not only by saying “I love you” but by sitting on the floor and playing puzzles with them. We express love to our parents not only by saying “I love you” but by doing the food shopping when needed. And to God, we might not say “I love you” at all, but we fill our lives with daily ritual — everywhere and all the time — that is a powerful expression of love.

Rabbanit Lisa Schlaff

Think about the values you want to pass down to your children. How do you embody these values in the way you interact with them and others, manage challenges, and show love and kindness? Can your children see those values in your behavior?