It is traditionally believed that our souls are judged on Yom Kippur and our fates for the coming year - whether we are written in the book of life or the book of death - are decided and eventually sealed by the end of the High Holy Days. The Judge particularly looks at how we incorporate tefilah (prayer, also mitzvot), teshuvah (return to G-d, repentance), and tzedakah (righteousness, charity). If you fear you will be judged poorly, Jewish tradition teaches that you can change your fate in several ways.
וְאָמַר רַבִּי יִצְחָק: אַרְבָּעָה דְּבָרִים מְקָרְעִין גְּזַר דִּינוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם, אֵלּוּ הֵן: צְדָקָה, צְעָקָה, שִׁינּוּי הַשֵּׁם, וְשִׁינּוּי מַעֲשֶׂה.
And Rabbi Yitzḥak said: A person’s sentence is torn up on account of four types of actions. These are: Giving (1) charity, (2) crying out in prayer, (3) a change of one’s name, (4) and a change of one’s deeds for the better.
(1) Tzedakah/Charity: Creating a more just world and helping those in need. What can you do to make an immediate difference in our unjust world?
(2) Tze'akah/Crying Out: Clinging to G-d through prayer by asking for help and admitting you've done wrong. What do you need to admit to yourself or cry out in prayer for?
(3) Shinui Ha'shem/Changing the Name: Changing your identity, whether your literal name, your values, or your thoughts about yourself. How could a small adjustment in the way you see yourself allow you to become the best version of you?
(4) Shinui Ma'aseh/Changing Actions: Changing what you do and what you create. If you were to commit yourself to establishing a new pattern of behavior, what would it be and how could you increase the possibility that it becomes habit?
Adapted from CLAL's The Book of Jewish Sacred Practices
(2) Tze'akah/Crying Out: Clinging to G-d through prayer by asking for help and admitting you've done wrong. What do you need to admit to yourself or cry out in prayer for?
(3) Shinui Ha'shem/Changing the Name: Changing your identity, whether your literal name, your values, or your thoughts about yourself. How could a small adjustment in the way you see yourself allow you to become the best version of you?
(4) Shinui Ma'aseh/Changing Actions: Changing what you do and what you create. If you were to commit yourself to establishing a new pattern of behavior, what would it be and how could you increase the possibility that it becomes habit?
Adapted from CLAL's The Book of Jewish Sacred Practices
Women in the High Holy Days
Jewish Women's Archive, Holidays and Feasts
"According to halakhah, women are responsible for obeying all of Judaism’s negative commandments and for observing most of the positive ones, including the Sabbath and the Jewish year’s festivals and holy days. In some instances, however, male and female obligations on these days differ, and female exemption from certain positive precepts cannot be explained solely on the grounds of domestic duties. These exclusions must be seen as conforming to a larger agenda in rabbinic legislation to restrict female participation in public communal activities as much as possible."
"According to halakhah, women are responsible for obeying all of Judaism’s negative commandments and for observing most of the positive ones, including the Sabbath and the Jewish year’s festivals and holy days. In some instances, however, male and female obligations on these days differ, and female exemption from certain positive precepts cannot be explained solely on the grounds of domestic duties. These exclusions must be seen as conforming to a larger agenda in rabbinic legislation to restrict female participation in public communal activities as much as possible."
Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur
High holidays services were (and still are in the Orthodox world) split with a mechitza (partition) between men and women, and women were not allowed to lead or participate in services at the bimah. However, a woman named Ray Frank made history on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur in 1890 by becoming the first Jewish woman to preach formally in a Jewish religious context.
Excerpts from Ray Frank's Yom Kippur Sermon, 1890
Ray Frank (1861-1948), called the "Girl Rabbi of the Golden West," became the first Jewish woman to preach formally from a pulpit in 1890, when she delivered sermons for the High Holy Days in Spokane, WA.
"Ladies and Gentleman, and—considering this is Yom Kippur eve, I know you will permit me to say—friends, brothers and sisters; for surely to-night is one of the most solemn and sacred periods in the lives of Israelites, for to-night, at least, we must be brother and sister in letter and spirit. My position this evening is a novel one. From time immemorial the Jewish woman has remained in the background of history, quite content to let the fathers and brothers be the principals in a picture wherein she shone only by a reflected light. And it is well that it has been so; for while she has let the stronger ones do battle for her throughout centuries of darkness and opposition, she has gathered strength and courage to come forward in an age of progressive enlightenment and do battle for herself if necessary, or prove by being a noble helpmeet how truly she appreciates the love which shielded her past.
I can scarcely tell you how much I feel the honor you have this evening conferred upon me in asking me to address you. For a woman to be at any time asked to give counsel to my people would be a mark of esteem; but on this night of nights, on Yom Kippur eve, to be requested to talk to you, to advise you, to think that perhaps I am to-night the one Jewish woman in the world, mayhap the first since the time of the prophets to be called on to speak to such an audience as I now see before me, is indeed a great honor, an event in my life which I can never forget…
Whatever you do for religion, or whatever you give, must be voluntary and sincere. Coming here because your neighbor does is not religion; neither is it religion to give a certain amount because some one else has done the same. True religion is true repentance for our many sins and mistakes."
Ray Frank (1861-1948), called the "Girl Rabbi of the Golden West," became the first Jewish woman to preach formally from a pulpit in 1890, when she delivered sermons for the High Holy Days in Spokane, WA.
"Ladies and Gentleman, and—considering this is Yom Kippur eve, I know you will permit me to say—friends, brothers and sisters; for surely to-night is one of the most solemn and sacred periods in the lives of Israelites, for to-night, at least, we must be brother and sister in letter and spirit. My position this evening is a novel one. From time immemorial the Jewish woman has remained in the background of history, quite content to let the fathers and brothers be the principals in a picture wherein she shone only by a reflected light. And it is well that it has been so; for while she has let the stronger ones do battle for her throughout centuries of darkness and opposition, she has gathered strength and courage to come forward in an age of progressive enlightenment and do battle for herself if necessary, or prove by being a noble helpmeet how truly she appreciates the love which shielded her past.
I can scarcely tell you how much I feel the honor you have this evening conferred upon me in asking me to address you. For a woman to be at any time asked to give counsel to my people would be a mark of esteem; but on this night of nights, on Yom Kippur eve, to be requested to talk to you, to advise you, to think that perhaps I am to-night the one Jewish woman in the world, mayhap the first since the time of the prophets to be called on to speak to such an audience as I now see before me, is indeed a great honor, an event in my life which I can never forget…
Whatever you do for religion, or whatever you give, must be voluntary and sincere. Coming here because your neighbor does is not religion; neither is it religion to give a certain amount because some one else has done the same. True religion is true repentance for our many sins and mistakes."
After services on Rosh Hashanah, the family would come together for a beautiful feast. It became common practice, especially in Ashkenazi homes, for women to include symbolic foods in the meal:
- Head of a lamb (now more likely to be a fish) so that G-d may make us the head not the tail
- Fat meats symbolizing prosperity
- Apples in honey for a sweet new year
- Pomegranates - "that our merits be as numerous as their seeds"
- Fish representative of fruitfulness - fertility?
- Using new linens as a good omen for a new start
- Leeks, pumpkins, fennels, and dates, mostly based on their yiddish names being puns
During Yom Kippur in the times of the Temple in Jerusalem, women would wear white and dance in the fields to try to entice the single men of the town, in the same way they did on Tu B'Av. This practice was lost as the holiday of Yom Kippur became more focused on solemn religious practice.
(ח) אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים, שֶׁבָּהֶן בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת בִּכְלֵי לָבָן שְׁאוּלִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ. כָּל הַכֵּלִים טְעוּנִין טְבִילָה. וּבְנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת וְחוֹלוֹת בַּכְּרָמִים. וּמֶה הָיוּ אוֹמְרוֹת, בָּחוּר, שָׂא נָא עֵינֶיךָ וּרְאֵה, מָה אַתָּה בוֹרֵר לָךְ.
(8) Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as the fifteenth of Av and as Yom Kippur, as on them the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white clothes, which each woman borrowed from another. Why were they borrowed? They did this so as not to embarrass one who did not have her own white garments. And the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? Young man, please lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself for a wife.
The information from this section is from Annabel Gottfried Cohen's extensive research and translation of Ashkenazi women's roles. To learn more about all the different roles Ashkenazi women held in society, visit her amazing blog https//pullingatthreads18.wordpress.com.
However, in the Ashkenazi world, arguably the most important job for a woman during the time before the High Holidays was that of the feldmesterins (cemetery measurers) and kneytlekh-leygerins (wick layers).
Skilled women known as feldmesterins would station themselves in the cemetery in the days before Rosh Hashanah to provide the service of cemetery measuring. Community members, some who had sick family members who needed healing and some who just wanted to petition on their own behalf ahead of Yom Kippur, would lead the feldmester to a family member's grave. The woman would lay a thread around the gravesite, "measuring" it, while the customer or another woman would recite tkhines, prayers of supplication.
Kohenet Annabel Gottfried Cohen, Pulling At Threads
"During the eight days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the thread taken from these measurements was used to make huge soul candles or neshome likht... The candle making was usually led by a female head of household, in the presence of other female family members. Sometimes they were aided by a professional woman kneytlekh-leygerin (wick-layer) or likhtmakherin (candle-maker). The tkhines – Yiddish prayers – for making Yom Kippur candles call on God to remember the merits of Jewish ancestors, and have mercy on the living. After naming their biblical ancestors, women making soul candles would fold a piece of wick for each of their more recent ancestors, naming their merits in the same way... In some places, it was customary to make two separate candles – one for the living – the gezunte (healthy) or lebedike (living) likht – and one for the dead – the neshome likht. The wick for the living candle was taken either from a second cemetery measurement, or from a thread used to measure all living members of the family. On the eve of Yom Kippur, the candle for the living was lit in the home, and the soul candle in the shul."
"During the eight days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the thread taken from these measurements was used to make huge soul candles or neshome likht... The candle making was usually led by a female head of household, in the presence of other female family members. Sometimes they were aided by a professional woman kneytlekh-leygerin (wick-layer) or likhtmakherin (candle-maker). The tkhines – Yiddish prayers – for making Yom Kippur candles call on God to remember the merits of Jewish ancestors, and have mercy on the living. After naming their biblical ancestors, women making soul candles would fold a piece of wick for each of their more recent ancestors, naming their merits in the same way... In some places, it was customary to make two separate candles – one for the living – the gezunte (healthy) or lebedike (living) likht – and one for the dead – the neshome likht. The wick for the living candle was taken either from a second cemetery measurement, or from a thread used to measure all living members of the family. On the eve of Yom Kippur, the candle for the living was lit in the home, and the soul candle in the shul."
Three feldmesterins in South Russia using this method to measure the cemetery during the month of Elul. From S. Weissenberg, ‘Das Feld- und das Kejwermessen’ Mitteilungen zur jüdischen Volkskunde, Neue Folge, 2. Jahrg., H. 1 (17).1906. Courtesy HathiTrust.
Annabel Gottfried Cohen has made two amazing ritual guides for cemetery measuring and soul candle making if you want to learn more or create your own:
Cemetery Measuring and Soul Candle Making: https://ritualwell.org/blog/cemetery-grave-measuring-and-soul-candle-making-a-ritual-guide/
Yom Kippur Soul Candle Making: https://ritualwell.org/blog/yom-kippur-cemetery-grave-measuring-and-soul-candle-making-a-ritual-guide/
Cemetery Measuring and Soul Candle Making: https://ritualwell.org/blog/cemetery-grave-measuring-and-soul-candle-making-a-ritual-guide/
Yom Kippur Soul Candle Making: https://ritualwell.org/blog/yom-kippur-cemetery-grave-measuring-and-soul-candle-making-a-ritual-guide/
A prayer for cemetery measuring, by Gitele the gabete of Koriv, Poland, recorded by Rabbi Tuviah Gutman Rapoport and adapted for Elul measurements by Annabel Gottfried Cohen:
Raboyne shel oylem, azoy vi mir beyde hobn getsoygn dem fodem mit undzer gantsn koyekh, un der fodem iz nisht ibergerisn gevorn, azoy zoln botl vern ale beyze koykhes. Undzere lebns zoln kholile nisht ibergerisn vern.
Master of the universe, since we both pulled the thread with all our power, and the thread was not broken, shall all evil powers come to naught. Our lives shall not – God forbid – be cut short.
A song for cemetery measuring from Pruzhany, Poland, recorded by A. Fayvushinsky. Tune unknown.
Kh’hob a mame, Tseytele
Far ir neshome, a kneytele
Dreyt men dos fedeml shtark
Lang, lang
I have a mama, Tseytele,
For her soul – a kneytele (candle wick)
The thread is spun, strong
long, long.
Raboyne shel oylem, azoy vi mir beyde hobn getsoygn dem fodem mit undzer gantsn koyekh, un der fodem iz nisht ibergerisn gevorn, azoy zoln botl vern ale beyze koykhes. Undzere lebns zoln kholile nisht ibergerisn vern.
Master of the universe, since we both pulled the thread with all our power, and the thread was not broken, shall all evil powers come to naught. Our lives shall not – God forbid – be cut short.
A song for cemetery measuring from Pruzhany, Poland, recorded by A. Fayvushinsky. Tune unknown.
Kh’hob a mame, Tseytele
Far ir neshome, a kneytele
Dreyt men dos fedeml shtark
Lang, lang
I have a mama, Tseytele,
For her soul – a kneytele (candle wick)
The thread is spun, strong
long, long.
Sukkot & Simchat Torah
Women are obligated in the same mitzvot of Sukkot as men. In addition to building a sukkah and having meals and sleeping in it, it is also traditional to complete the rite of Ushpizin, the invitation of the ancestors into your sukkah for meals. Traditionally we are inviting in our Jewish patriarchs, though many new versions exist to invite in matriarchs as well. It should also be a time to consider inviting in your own ancestors who have passed more recently; those you know and those you don't. In this way, the sukkah becomes a womb that draws together Jewish souls, both living and dead.
After the end of the eight days of Sukkot, we celebrate restarting the Torah cycle on Simchat Torah.
Jewish Women's Archive, Holidays and Feasts
"Men have traditionally observed the conclusion and renewal of the annual synagogue cycle of Torah readings with festive celebration, particularly circular processions (hakafot) around the synagogue, and joyous dancing, with the Torah scrolls. In recent years many women have initiated separate women’s hakafot with the Torah scrolls on Simhat Torah. There is no halakhic objection to this practice since a woman, like a man, is permitted to touch and hold the Torah scroll at all times (Yoreh De’ah 282:9). Some contemporary Orthodox authorities, however, oppose this innovation because they link it with their perceptions of feminism as a threat to traditional Jewish life."
"Men have traditionally observed the conclusion and renewal of the annual synagogue cycle of Torah readings with festive celebration, particularly circular processions (hakafot) around the synagogue, and joyous dancing, with the Torah scrolls. In recent years many women have initiated separate women’s hakafot with the Torah scrolls on Simhat Torah. There is no halakhic objection to this practice since a woman, like a man, is permitted to touch and hold the Torah scroll at all times (Yoreh De’ah 282:9). Some contemporary Orthodox authorities, however, oppose this innovation because they link it with their perceptions of feminism as a threat to traditional Jewish life."