Uncertainty and Growing Up

On life transitions:

(כא) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, בֶּן חָמֵשׁ שָׁנִים לַמִּקְרָא, בֶּן עֶשֶׂר לַמִּשְׁנָה, בֶּן שְׁלשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַמִּצְוֹת, בֶּן חֲמֵשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַתַּלְמוּד, בֶּן שְׁמֹנֶה עֶשְׂרֵה לַחֻפָּה, בֶּן עֶשְׂרִים לִרְדֹּף, בֶּן שְׁלשִׁים לַכֹּחַ, בֶּן אַרְבָּעִים לַבִּינָה, בֶּן חֲמִשִּׁים לָעֵצָה, בֶּן שִׁשִּׁים לַזִּקְנָה, בֶּן שִׁבְעִים לַשֵּׂיבָה, בֶּן שְׁמֹנִים לַגְּבוּרָה, בֶּן תִּשְׁעִים לָשׁוּחַ, בֶּן מֵאָה כְּאִלּוּ מֵת וְעָבַר וּבָטֵל מִן הָעוֹלָם:

Pirkei Avot 5:21

(21) He used to say: At five years of age the study of Scripture; At ten the study of Mishnah; At thirteen subject to the commandments; At fifteen the study of Talmud; At eighteen the bridal canopy; At twenty for pursuit [of livelihood]; At thirty the peak of strength; At forty wisdom; At fifty able to give counsel; At sixty old age; At seventy fullness of years; At eighty the age of “strength”; At ninety a bent body; At one hundred, as good as dead and gone completely out of the world.

קהלת ג׳:א׳-ח׳

(א) לַכֹּ֖ל זְמָ֑ן וְעֵ֥ת לְכׇל־חֵ֖פֶץ תַּ֥חַת הַשָּׁמָֽיִם׃ {ס} (ב) עֵ֥ת לָלֶ֖דֶת וְעֵ֣ת לָמ֑וּת עֵ֣ת לָטַ֔עַת וְעֵ֖ת לַעֲק֥וֹר נָטֽוּעַ׃ (ג) עֵ֤ת לַהֲרוֹג֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִרְפּ֔וֹא עֵ֥ת לִפְר֖וֹץ וְעֵ֥ת לִבְנֽוֹת׃ (ד) עֵ֤ת לִבְכּוֹת֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִשְׂח֔וֹק עֵ֥ת סְפ֖וֹד וְעֵ֥ת רְקֽוֹד׃ (ה) עֵ֚ת לְהַשְׁלִ֣יךְ אֲבָנִ֔ים וְעֵ֖ת כְּנ֣וֹס אֲבָנִ֑ים עֵ֣ת לַחֲב֔וֹק וְעֵ֖ת לִרְחֹ֥ק מֵחַבֵּֽק׃ (ו) עֵ֤ת לְבַקֵּשׁ֙ וְעֵ֣ת לְאַבֵּ֔ד עֵ֥ת לִשְׁמ֖וֹר וְעֵ֥ת לְהַשְׁלִֽיךְ׃ (ז) עֵ֤ת לִקְר֙וֹעַ֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִתְפּ֔וֹר עֵ֥ת לַחֲשׁ֖וֹת וְעֵ֥ת לְדַבֵּֽר׃ (ח) עֵ֤ת לֶֽאֱהֹב֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִשְׂנֹ֔א עֵ֥ת מִלְחָמָ֖ה וְעֵ֥ת שָׁלֽוֹם׃ {ס}

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

(1) A season is set for everything, a time for every experience under heaven:

(2) A time for being born and a time for dying, A time for planting and a time for uprooting the planted;

(3) A time for wrecking and a time for repairing, A time for tearing down and a time for building up;

(4) A time for weeping and a time for laughing, A time for wailing and a time for dancing;

(5) A time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones, A time for embracing and a time for shunning embraces;

(6) A time for seeking and a time for losing, A time for keeping and a time for discarding; (7) A time for ripping and a time for sewing, A time for silence and a time for speaking; (8) A time for loving and a time for hating; A time for war and a time for peace.

On making difficult decisions:

דברים ל׳:י״ט

(יט) הַעִדֹ֨תִי בָכֶ֣ם הַיּוֹם֮ אֶת־הַשָּׁמַ֣יִם וְאֶת־הָאָ֒רֶץ֒ הַחַיִּ֤ים וְהַמָּ֙וֶת֙ נָתַ֣תִּי לְפָנֶ֔יךָ הַבְּרָכָ֖ה וְהַקְּלָלָ֑ה וּבָֽחַרְתָּ֙ בַּחַיִּ֔ים לְמַ֥עַן תִּֽחְיֶ֖ה אַתָּ֥ה וְזַרְעֶֽךָ׃

Deuteronomy 30:19

(19) I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life, that you and your offspring may live.

יומא פ״ג א:י״ב-י״ג

וְעוֹד אָמַר רַבִּי מַתְיָא בֶּן חָרָשׁ: הַחוֹשֵׁשׁ בִּגְרוֹנוֹ — מְטִילִין לוֹ סַם בְּתוֹךְ פִּיו בְּשַׁבָּת, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהוּא סְפֵק נְפָשׁוֹת, וְכׇל סְפֵק נְפָשׁוֹת דּוֹחֶה אֶת הַשַּׁבָּת. מִי שֶׁנָּפְלָה עָלָיו מַפּוֹלֶת, סָפֵק הוּא שָׁם סָפֵק אֵינוֹ שָׁם, סָפֵק חַי סָפֵק מֵת, סָפֵק גּוֹי סָפֵק יִשְׂרָאֵל, מְפַקְּחִין עָלָיו אֶת הַגַּל. מְצָאוּהוּ חַי — מְפַקְּחִין, וְאִם מֵת — יְנִיחוּהוּ.

Yoma 83a:12-13

And furthermore, Rabbi Matya ben Ḥarash said: With regard to one who suffers pain in his throat, one may place medicine inside his mouth on Shabbat, although administering a remedy is prohibited on Shabbat. This is because there is uncertainty whether or not it is a life-threatening situation for him, as it is difficult to ascertain the severity of internal pain. And a case of uncertainty concerning a life-threatening situation overrides Shabbat. Similarly, with regard to one upon whom a rockslide fell, and there is uncertainty whether he is there under the debris or whether he is not there; and there is uncertainty whether he is still alive or whether he is dead; and there is uncertainty whether the person under the debris is a gentile or whether he is a Jew, one clears the pile from atop him. One may perform any action necessary to rescue him from beneath the debris. If they found him alive after beginning to clear the debris, they continue to clear the pile until they can extricate him. And if they found him dead, they should leave him, since one may not desecrate Shabbat to preserve the dignity of the dead.

On worry:

משלי י״ב:כ״ה

(כה) דְּאָגָ֣ה בְלֶב־אִ֣ישׁ יַשְׁחֶ֑נָּה וְדָבָ֖ר ט֣וֹב יְשַׂמְּחֶֽנָּה׃

Proverbs 12:25

(25) If there is anxiety in a man’s mind let him quash it,
And turn it into joy with a good word.

יומא ע״ה א:ב׳

״דְּאָגָה בְלֶב אִישׁ יַשְׁחֶנָּה״, רַבִּי אַמֵּי וְרַבִּי אַסִּי, חַד אָמַר: יַשִּׂחֶנָּה מִדַּעְתּוֹ, וְחַד אָמַר: יְשִׂיחֶנָּה לַאֲחֵרִים.

Yoma 75a:2

§ The Gemara explains another verse in Proverbs: “If there is care in a man’s heart, let him quash it [yashḥena]” (Proverbs 12:25). Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Asi dispute the verse’s meaning. One said: He should forcefully push it [yasḥena] out of his mind. One who worries should banish his concerns from his thoughts. And one said: It means he should tell [yesiḥena] others his concerns, which will lower his anxiety.

On faith:

תהילים צ״ב:ח׳-ט״ו

(ח) בִּפְרֹ֤חַ רְשָׁעִ֨ים ׀ כְּמ֥וֹ־עֵ֗שֶׂב וַ֭יָּצִיצוּ כׇּל־פֹּ֣עֲלֵי אָ֑וֶן לְהִשָּׁמְדָ֥ם עֲדֵי־עַֽד׃ (ט) וְאַתָּ֥ה מָר֗וֹם לְעֹלָ֥ם ה'׃ (י) כִּ֤י הִנֵּ֪ה אֹיְבֶ֡יךָ ה' כִּֽי־הִנֵּ֣ה אֹיְבֶ֣יךָ יֹאבֵ֑דוּ יִ֝תְפָּרְד֗וּ כׇּל־פֹּ֥עֲלֵי אָֽוֶן׃ (יא) וַתָּ֣רֶם כִּרְאֵ֣ים קַרְנִ֑י בַּ֝לֹּתִ֗י בְּשֶׁ֣מֶן רַעֲנָֽן׃ (יב) וַתַּבֵּ֥ט עֵינִ֗י בְּשׁ֫וּרָ֥י בַּקָּמִ֖ים עָלַ֥י מְרֵעִ֗ים תִּשְׁמַ֥עְנָה אׇזְנָֽי׃ (יג) צַ֭דִּיק כַּתָּמָ֣ר יִפְרָ֑ח כְּאֶ֖רֶז בַּלְּבָנ֣וֹן יִשְׂגֶּֽה׃ (יד) שְׁ֭תוּלִים בְּבֵ֣ית ה' בְּחַצְר֖וֹת אֱלֹקֵ֣ינוּ יַפְרִֽיחוּ׃ (טו) ע֭וֹד יְנוּב֣וּן בְּשֵׂיבָ֑ה דְּשֵׁנִ֖ים וְֽרַעֲנַנִּ֣ים יִהְיֽוּ׃

Psalms 92:8-15

(8) Though the wicked sprout like grass, though all evildoers blossom, it is only that they may be destroyed forever.

(9) But You are exalted, O LORD, for all time.
(10) Surely, Your enemies, O LORD, surely, Your enemies perish; all evildoers are scattered.

(11) You raise my horn high like that of a wild ox; I am soaked in freshening oil.

(12) I shall see the defeat of my watchful foes, hear of the downfall of the wicked who beset me.

(13) The righteous bloom like a date-palm; they thrive like a cedar in Lebanon;

(14) planted in the house of the LORD, they flourish in the courts of our G-d.

(15) In old age they still produce fruit; they are full of sap and freshness,

תהילים כ״ג

(א) מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִ֑ד ה' רֹ֝עִ֗י לֹ֣א אֶחְסָֽר׃ (ב) בִּנְא֣וֹת דֶּ֭שֶׁא יַרְבִּיצֵ֑נִי עַל־מֵ֖י מְנֻח֣וֹת יְנַהֲלֵֽנִי׃ (ג) נַפְשִׁ֥י יְשׁוֹבֵ֑ב יַֽנְחֵ֥נִי בְמַעְגְּלֵי־צֶ֝֗דֶק לְמַ֣עַן שְׁמֽוֹ׃ (ד) גַּ֤ם כִּֽי־אֵלֵ֨ךְ בְּגֵ֪יא צַלְמָ֡וֶת לֹא־אִ֘ירָ֤א רָ֗ע כִּי־אַתָּ֥ה עִמָּדִ֑י שִׁבְטְךָ֥ וּ֝מִשְׁעַנְתֶּ֗ךָ הֵ֣מָּה יְנַֽחֲמֻֽנִי׃ (ה) תַּעֲרֹ֬ךְ לְפָנַ֨י ׀ שֻׁלְחָ֗ן נֶ֥גֶד צֹרְרָ֑י דִּשַּׁ֥נְתָּ בַשֶּׁ֥מֶן רֹ֝אשִׁ֗י כּוֹסִ֥י רְוָיָֽה׃ (ו) אַ֤ךְ ׀ ט֤וֹב וָחֶ֣סֶד יִ֭רְדְּפוּנִי כׇּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיָּ֑י וְשַׁבְתִּ֥י בְּבֵית־ה' לְאֹ֣רֶךְ יָמִֽים׃ {פ}

Psalms 23

(1) A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I lack nothing.

(2) He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me to still waters,

(3) He renews my life; He guides me in right paths as befits His name.

(4) Though I walk through a valley of deepest darkness [connoting death/distress/danger], I fear no harm, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me.
(5) You spread a table for me in full view of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my drink is abundant.

(6) Only goodness and steadfast love shall pursue me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for many long years.

סידור אשכנז, קדיש, קדיש יתום

(א) אבל: יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא. [קהל: אמן]

(ב) בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכון וּבְיומֵיכון וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשרָאֵל בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]

(ג) קהל ואבל: יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא:

(ד) אבל: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא. [קהל: בריך הוא:]

(ה) לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא בעשי”ת: לְעֵלָּא לְעֵלָּא מִכָּל וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]

(ו) יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]

(ז) עוֹשה שָׁלוֹם בעשי”ת: הַשָּׁלום בִּמְרומָיו הוּא יַעֲשה שָׁלום עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]

Siddur Ashkenaz, Kaddish, Mourner's Kaddish

Mourner: Glorified and sanctified is G-d’s great name. (Congregation says: amen).

Mourner: Throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon. And let us say: (Cong.: Amen. May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.)

Mourner: Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, (Cong.: blessed be G-d,) beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that
are ever spoken in the world; and let us say, (Cong.: Amen.)

Mourner: May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all the Jewish people; and let us say, (Cong.: Amen.)

Mourner: He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all the Jewish people; and let us say, (Cong.: Amen.)

This final source is from the liturgy, and is one version of the Kaddish text, which is read multiple times through a service. It originated as an off-the-cuff blessing at the funeral of a great scholar, but became so popular a text that it is now said at all funerals. Despite being the prayer said by mourners, it does not mention death or even sadness. Rather, it focuses on hopes for a peaceful and sanctified future and, in very repetitive Aramaic phrasing, lavishes praise to G-d.