That's Where the Light Gets In: Divorce as a Pastoral Question

כִּֽי־יִקַּ֥ח אִ֛ישׁ אִשָּׁ֖ה וּבְעָלָ֑הּ וְהָיָ֞ה אִם־לֹ֧א תִמְצָא־חֵ֣ן בְּעֵינָ֗יו כִּי־מָ֤צָא בָהּ֙ עֶרְוַ֣ת דָּבָ֔ר וְכָ֨תַב לָ֜הּ סֵ֤פֶר כְּרִיתֻת֙ וְנָתַ֣ן בְּיָדָ֔הּ וְשִׁלְּחָ֖הּ מִבֵּיתֽוֹ׃

Deuteronomy 24:1

A man takes a woman [into his household as his wife] and becomes her husband. She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her, and he writes her a bill of divorcement, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house;

THE WHYS

כתובות ע״ז א:י״ד-ט״ו

אמר רב האומר איני זן ואיני מפרנס יוציא ויתן כתובה אזל ר' אלעזר אמרה לשמעתא קמיה דשמואל אמר אכסוה שערי לאלעזר עד שכופין אותו להוציא יכפוהו לזון ורב אין אדם דר עם נחש בכפיפה

Ketubot 77a:14-15

Rav stated: If a husband says, 'I will neither maintain nor support [my wife]', he must divorce her and also give her the ketubah.

Rabbi Elazar went and mentioned this teaching in front of Samuel [who] exclaimed, 'Make Elazar eat barley; rather than compel him to divorce her let him be compelled to support her'.

And what was Rav's reasoning? — No one can live with [a husband who is like] a serpent in the same basket.

משנה גיטין ט׳:י׳

(י) בית שמאי אומרים: לא יגרש אדם את אשתו אלא אם כן מצא בה דבר ערוה, שנאמר (דברים כד) כי מצא בה ערות דבר. ובית הלל אומרים: אפלו הקדיחה תבשילו, שנאמר (שם) כי מצא בה ערות דבר. רבי עקיבא אומר: אפלו מצא אחרת נאה הימנה, שנאמר (שם) והיה אם לא תמצא חן בעיניו.

Mishnah Gittin 9:10

Edited around 200 CE, Israel

(10) Bet Shammai says: a man should not divorce his wife unless he finds out something unseemly [ערוה] about her, as it says, "because he finds something obnoxious [ערות] about her". Bet Hillel says [that he may divorce her] even if she has merely burnt his dish, since it says, "because he finds something obnoxious about her". Rabbi Akiva says, [he may divorce her] even if he finds another woman more beautiful than she is, as it says, "She fails to please him".

Translated by Joshua Kulp

THE HOW

משנה תורה, הלכות גירושין א׳:א׳

(א) אֵין הָאִשָּׁה מִתְגָּרֶשֶׁת אֶלָּא בִּכְתָב שֶׁיַּגִּיעַ לָהּ וּכְתָב זֶה הוּא הַנִּקְרָא גֵּט. וַעֲשָׂרָה דְּבָרִים הֵן עִקַּר הַגֵּרוּשִׁין מִן הַתּוֹרָה וְאֵלּוּ הֵן. א) שֶׁלֹּא יְגָרֵשׁ הָאִישׁ אֶלָּא בִּרְצוֹנוֹ. ב) וְשֶׁיְּגָרֵשׁ בִּכְתָב וְלֹא בְּדָבָר אַחֵר. ג) וְשֶׁיִּהְיֶה עִנְיַן הַכְּתָב שֶׁגֵּרְשָׁהּ וֶהֱסִירָהּ מִקִּנְיָנוֹ. ד) וְשֶׁיִּהְיֶה עִנְיָנוֹ דָּבָר הַכּוֹרֵת בֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ. ה) וְשֶׁיִּהְיֶה נִכְתָּב לִשְׁמָהּ. ו) וְשֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה מְחֻסַּר מַעֲשֶׂה אַחַר כְּתִיבָתוֹ אֶלָּא נְתִינָתוֹ לָהּ [בִּלְבַד]. ז) וְשֶׁיִּתְּנֵהוּ לָהּ. ח) וְשֶׁיִּתְּנֵהוּ לָהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים. ט) וְשֶׁיִּתְּנֵהוּ לָהּ בְּתוֹרַת גֵּרוּשִׁין. י) וְשֶׁיִּהְיֶה הַבַּעַל אוֹ שְׁלוּחוֹ הוּא שֶׁנּוֹתְנוֹ לָהּ. וּשְׁאָר הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁבַּגֵּט כְּגוֹן הַזְּמַן וַחֲתִימַת הָעֵדִים וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן הַכּל מִדִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים:

Mishneh Torah, Divorce 1:1

(1) The wife can be divorced only with a written document that comes into her possession; such a document is called get (letter of divorce). There are ten basic things prescribed by the Torah in the divorce proceedings, namely: 1) The get must come from the husband voluntarily. 2) He must prepare it in writing only. 3) The subject of the letter must unfold that he has divorced and removed her from his possession. 4) It must express the idea of separation between him and her. 5) It must be especially written for her. 6) It must not require any other act except delivery. 7) He must hand it to her. 8) He must hand it to her in the presence of witnesses. 9) He must give it to her as a letter of divorce. 10) Only the husband, or his agent, must be the one handing it to her. The rest of the features of a get, such as the date and the signature of the witnesses, and the like, are all rabbinic in origin.

NOW WHAT

שמות ל״ד:א׳

(א) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהוָה֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה פְּסָל־לְךָ֛ שְׁנֵֽי־לֻחֹ֥ת אֲבָנִ֖ים כָּרִאשֹׁנִ֑ים וְכָתַבְתִּי֙ עַל־הַלֻּחֹ֔ת אֶת־הַדְּבָרִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר הָי֛וּ עַל־הַלֻּחֹ֥ת הָרִאשֹׁנִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר שִׁבַּֽרְתָּ׃

Exodus 34:1

(1) God said to Moses: “Carve two tablets of stone like the first, and I will inscribe upon the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you shattered.

שבת פ״ז א:ה׳

שָׁבַר אֶת הַלּוּחוֹת, מַאי דְּרַשׁ? אָמַר: וּמָה פֶּסַח שֶׁהוּא אֶחָד מִתַּרְיָ״ג מִצְוֹת, אָמְרָה תּוֹרָה: ״וְכׇל בֶּן נֵכָר לֹא יֹאכַל בּוֹ״. הַתּוֹרָה כּוּלָּהּ [כָּאן] וְיִשְׂרָאֵל מְשׁוּמָּדִים — עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה. וּמְנָלַן דְּהִסְכִּים הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עַל יָדוֹ? — שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״אֲשֶׁר שִׁבַּרְתָּ״, וְאָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ: יִישַׁר כֹּחֲךָ שֶׁשִּׁבַּרְתָּ.

Shabbat 87a:5

And he broke the tablets following the sin of the Golden Calf. What source did he interpret that led him to do so? Moses said: With regard to the Paschal lamb, which is only one of six hundred and thirteen mitzvot, the Torah stated: “And the Lord said unto Moses and Aaron: This is the ordinance of the Paschal offering; no alien shall eat of it” (Exodus 12:43), referring not only to gentiles, but to apostate Jews as well. Regarding the tablets, which represented the entire Torah, and Israel at that moment were apostates, as they were worshipping the calf, all the more so are they not worthy of receiving the Torah. And from where do we derive that the Holy One, Blessed be He, agreed with his reasoning? As it is stated: “The first tablets which you broke [asher shibarta]” (Exodus 34:1), and Reish Lakish said: The word asher is an allusion to the phrase: May your strength be true [yishar koḥakha] due to the fact that you broke the tablets.

בבא בתרא י״ד ב:ו׳

ואידך נמי מיבעי ליה להכי אין הכי נמי אלא שברי לוחות דמונחין בארון מנא ליה נפקא ליה מדתני רב יוסף דתני רב יוסף (דברים י, ב) אשר שברת ושמתם מלמד שהלוחות ושברי לוחות מונחין בארון

Bava Batra 14b:6

From where does he (Rabbi Meir) derive that the broken pieces of the first set of tablets were placed in the Ark? The Gemara expounds: He derives this from that which Rav Yosef taught, as Rav Yosef taught a baraita*: The verses state: “At that time the Lord said to me: Hew for yourself two tablets of stone like the first…and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke, and you shall put them in the Ark” (Deuteronomy 10:1–2). This teaches that both the second set of tablets and the broken pieces of the first set of tablets were placed in the Ark.