Though we may know what conversion to Judaism looks like now, what did the first conversion look like? Let's look at the moment where Ruth begins her conversion.
(טז) וַתֹּ֤אמֶר רוּת֙ אַל־תִּפְגְּעִי־בִ֔י לְעׇזְבֵ֖ךְ לָשׁ֣וּב מֵאַחֲרָ֑יִךְ כִּ֠י אֶל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר תֵּלְכִ֜י אֵלֵ֗ךְ וּבַאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּלִ֙ינִי֙ אָלִ֔ין עַמֵּ֣ךְ עַמִּ֔י וֵאלֹקַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹקָֽי׃ (יז) בַּאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּמ֙וּתִי֙ אָמ֔וּת וְשָׁ֖ם אֶקָּבֵ֑ר כֹּה֩ יַעֲשֶׂ֨ה ה' לִי֙ וְכֹ֣ה יוֹסִ֔יף כִּ֣י הַמָּ֔וֶת יַפְרִ֖יד בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵינֵֽךְ׃ (יח) וַתֵּ֕רֶא כִּֽי־מִתְאַמֶּ֥צֶת הִ֖יא לָלֶ֣כֶת אִתָּ֑הּ וַתֶּחְדַּ֖ל לְדַבֵּ֥ר אֵלֶֽיהָ׃
(16) But Ruth replied, “Do not urge me to leave you, to turn back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. (17) Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. bA formula of imprecation.Thus and more may the LORD do to me-b if anything but death parts me from you.” (18) When [Naomi] saw how determined she was to go with her, she ceased to argue with her;
Ruth isn't turned away three times. Naomi tells her and her sister-in-laws that they are free to leave, and then Ruth passionately declares that she will not leave Naomi or Naomi's G-d and religion.
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: גֵּר שֶׁבָּא לְהִתְגַּיֵּיר בִּזְמַן הַזֶּה, אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: מָה רָאִיתָ שֶׁבָּאתָ לְהִתְגַּיֵּיר? אִי אַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁיִּשְׂרָאֵל בִּזְמַן הַזֶּה דְּווּיִים, דְּחוּפִים, סְחוּפִים וּמְטוֹרָפִין, וְיִסּוּרִין בָּאִין עֲלֵיהֶם? אִם אוֹמֵר: יוֹדֵעַ אֲנִי, וְאֵינִי כְּדַאי — מְקַבְּלִין אוֹתוֹ מִיָּד.
§ The Sages taught in a baraita: With regard to a potential convert who comes to a court in order to convert, at the present time, when the Jews are in exile, the judges of the court say to him: What did you see that motivated you to come to convert? Don’t you know that the Jewish people at the present time are anguished, suppressed, despised, and harassed, and hardships are frequently visited upon them? If he says: I know, and although I am unworthy of joining the Jewish people and sharing in their sorrow, I nevertheless desire to do so, then the court accepts him immediately to begin the conversion process.
In this section of the Talmud, the Sages say that, if a person is aware of how hard it is to be Jewish and yet they still want to be a part of our people, we should accept them immediately to start the conversion process. Today, too, it is difficult to be a Jew--certainly no one is converting for the perks! So if someone, knowing it will lessen the ease and safety by which they traverse the modern world, still wants to be Jewish, then we must believe that they truly want it for the right reasons.
טָבַל וְעָלָה הֲרֵי הוּא כְּיִשְׂרָאֵל לְכׇל דְּבָרָיו. לְמַאי הִלְכְתָא? דְּאִי הָדַר בֵּיהּ וּמְקַדֵּשׁ בַּת יִשְׂרָאֵל, יִשְׂרָאֵל מְשׁוּמָּד קָרֵינָא בֵּיהּ, וְקִידּוּשָׁיו קִידּוּשִׁין.
The baraita continues: Once he has immersed and emerged he is a Jew in every sense. The Gemara asks: With regard to what halakha is this said? It is that if he reverts back to behaving as a gentile, he nevertheless remains Jewish, and so if he betroths a Jewish woman, although he is considered to be an apostate Jew, his betrothal is a valid betrothal.
The Talmud continues by saying that, once a convert is immersed in the waters of the mikvah/ocean/river, they emerge a Jew in every right. Even if they revert back to another religion, they will retain their Jewish status and be considered as an apostate (meaning that their children could still inherit Jewish status from them).
מאי שנא מאנה דכתיבי שלשה לאוין (שמות כב, כ) וגר לא תונה (ויקרא יט, לג) וכי יגור אתך גר בארצכם לא תונו אותו (ויקרא כה, יז) ולא תונו איש את עמיתו וגר בכלל עמיתו הוא לוחצו נמי שלשה כתיבי (שמות כב, כ) ולא תלחצנו (שמות כג, ט) וגר לא תלחץ (שמות כב, כד) ולא תהיה לו כנושה וגר בכלל הוא אלא אחד זה ואחד זה בשלשה
The Gemara asks: What is different with regard to verbal mistreatment, that three prohibitions are written concerning it: “And you shall neither mistreat a convert” (Exodus 22:20); “And when a convert lives in your land, you shall not mistreat him” (Leviticus 19:33); “And you shall not mistreat, each man his colleague” (Leviticus 25:17), and a convert is included in the category of colleague? With regard to one who also oppresses a convert as well, three prohibitions are written: “And you shall neither mistreat a convert, nor oppress him” (Exodus 22:20); “And you shall not oppress a convert (Exodus 23:9); “And you shall not be to him like a creditor” (Exodus 22:24). This last prohibition is a general prohibition, in which converts are included. Consequently, it is not correct that one who oppresses a convert violates only two prohibitions. Rather, both this one, who verbally mistreats a convert, and that one, who oppresses him, violate three prohibitions.
It is, by the Talmud, against three separate Torah prohibitions to mistreat a convert. You must not be hateful, verbally oppressive, or "like a creditor" to a convert. But what does it mean to "verbally oppress"?
(א) שֶׁלֹּא לְהוֹנוֹת הַגֵּר בִּדְבָרִים – שֶׁנִּמְנַעְנוּ מִלְּהוֹנוֹת הַגֵּר אֲפִלּוּ בִּדְבָרִים, וְהוּא אֶחָד מִן הָאֻמּוֹת שֶׁנִּתְגַּיֵּר וְנִכְנַס בְּדָתֵנוּ, שֶׁאָסוּר לָנוּ לְבַזּוֹתוֹ אֲפִלּוּ בִּדְבָרִים, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות כא ב) וְגֵר לֹא תּוֹנֶה. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאָנוּ מֻזְהָרִים בָּזֶה בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל וְזֶה כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּכְנַס בְּדָתֵינוּ הֲרֵי הוּא כְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, הוֹסִיף הַכָּתוּב לָנוּ אַזְהָרָה בּוֹ, וְגַם נִכְפְּלָה הָאַזְהָרָה עָלָיו דִּכְתִיב (ויקרא יט לג) "לֹא תוֹנוּ" פַּעַם אַחֶרֶת, לְפִי שֶׁעִנְיַן הַהוֹנָאָה אֵלָיו קְרוֹבָה יוֹתֵר מִבְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, כִּי הַיִּשְׂרָאֵל יֵשׁ לוֹ גּוֹאֲלִים שֶׁתּוֹבְעִים עֶלְבּוֹנוֹ. וְעוֹד טַעַם אַחֵר בּוֹ, שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ חֲשָׁשׁ שֶׁלֹּא יַחְזֹר לְסוֹרוֹ מִכַּעַס הַבִּזְיוֹנוֹת. וְאָמְרוּ בְּסִפְרָא (קדושים ח) שֶׁלֹּא תֹּאמַר לוֹ אֶמֶשׁ הָיִיתָ עוֹבֵד עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה וְעַכְשָׁו נִכְנַסְתָּ תַּחַת כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה.
(1) To not oppress the convert with words: That we have been prevented from oppressing converts, even [only] with words — and that is one from the [other] nations who converted and entered our religion — such that it is forbidden for [one] to disgrace him even with words, as it is stated (Exodus 22:20), “and you shall not oppress a convert.” And even though we are warned about this with [Jews] and since this one entered our religion, behold he is like [any other Jew], Scripture added a warning to us and also redoubled the prohibition for him, as it is written (Leviticus 19:33), “do not oppress” another time; because the issue of oppression is more relevant to a convert than it is to [another Jew], as [another Jew] has redeemers who will redress his insult. And there is another reason, [and that is] because there is a concern that [the convert] might return to his deviance out of anger over the disgraces. And they said in the Sifra (Sifra, Kedoshim, Chapter 8:2) that one shouldn’t say, “Yesterday you were an idolater and now you entered under the wings of the Divine Presence.”
The Sefer HaChinukh, a Spanish text from 13th century Spain, explains the term "verbal oppression": you shall not disgrace or mistreat a convert verbally. This prohibition is repeated three times, the text explains, because it is worse to verbally oppress and mistreat a convert than a Jew-by-birth, who has family and community to defend them, and because enough harassment might cause a convert to revert back to their former idolatry. The last line adds that you should not remind a convert that they were not always Jewish... But why?
מתני׳ כשם שאונאה במקח וממכר כך אונאה בדברים לא יאמר לו בכמה חפץ זה והוא אינו רוצה ליקח אם היה בעל תשובה לא יאמר לו זכור מעשיך הראשונים אם הוא בן גרים לא יאמר לו זכור מעשה אבותיך שנאמר (שמות כב, כ) וגר לא תונה ולא תלחצנו: גמ׳ ת"ר (ויקרא כה, יז) לא תונו איש את עמיתו באונאת דברים הכתוב מדבר אתה אומר באונאת דברים או אינו אלא באונאת ממון כשהוא אומר (ויקרא כה, יד) וכי תמכרו ממכר לעמיתך או קנה מיד עמיתך הרי אונאת ממון אמור הא מה אני מקיים (ויקרא כה, יז) לא תונו איש את עמיתו באונאת דברים הא כיצד אם היה בעל תשובה אל יאמר לו זכור מעשיך הראשונים אם היה בן גרים אל יאמר לו זכור מעשה אבותיך אם היה גר ובא ללמוד תורה אל יאמר לו פה שאכל נבילות וטריפות שקצים ורמשים בא ללמוד תורה שנאמרה מפי הגבורה אם היו יסורין באין עליו אם היו חלאים באין עליו או שהיה מקבר את בניו אל יאמר לו כדרך שאמרו לו חביריו לאיוב (איוב ד, ו) הלא יראתך כסלתך תקותך ותום דרכיך זכר נא מי הוא נקי אבד
MISHNA: Just as there is a prohibition against exploitation [ona’a] in buying and selling, so is there ona’a in statements, i.e., verbal mistreatment. The mishna proceeds to cite examples of verbal mistreatment. One may not say to a seller: For how much are you selling this item, if he does not wish to purchase it. He thereby upsets the seller when the deal fails to materialize. The mishna lists other examples: If one is a penitent, another may not say to him: Remember your earlier deeds. If one is the child of converts, another may not say to him: Remember the deeds of your ancestors, as it is stated: “And a convert shall you neither mistreat, nor shall you oppress him” (Exodus 22:20). GEMARA: The Sages taught: It is written: “And you shall not mistreat [tonu] one man his colleague; and you shall fear your God, for I am the Lord your God” (Leviticus 25:17). The tanna explains: The verse is speaking with regard to verbal mistreatment. The baraita proceeds: Do you say that it is speaking of verbal mistreatment [be’ona’at devarim], or perhaps it is speaking only with regard to monetary exploitation [be’ona’at mammon]? When it says in a previous verse: “And if you sell to your colleague an item that is sold, or acquire from your colleague’s hand, you shall not exploit [tonu] his brother” (Leviticus 25:14), monetary exploitation is explicitly stated. How then do I realize the meaning of the verse: “And you shall not mistreat one man his colleague”? It is with regard to verbal mistreatment. How so? If one is a penitent, another may not say to him: Remember your earlier deeds. If one is the child of converts, another may not say to him: Remember the deed of your ancestors. If one is a convert and he came to study Torah, one may not say to him: Does the mouth that ate unslaughtered carcasses and animals that had wounds that would have caused them to die within twelve months [tereifot], and repugnant creatures, and creeping animals, comes to study Torah that was stated from the mouth of the Almighty? If torments are afflicting a person, if illnesses are afflicting him, or if he is burying his children, one may not speak to him in the manner that the friends of Job spoke to him: “Is not your fear of God your confidence, and your hope the integrity of your ways? Remember, I beseech you, whoever perished, being innocent?” (Job 4:6–7). Certainly you sinned, as otherwise you would not have suffered misfortune.
This Talmud excerpt explains why you must not remind a convert of their previous ways: if a person apologizes and makes up for a past misdeed, we forgive them and do not continue to hold their misdeed against them indefinitely--because we also have done misdeeds! And, similarly, none of us are perfect in our Jewish practice. We must lift each other up, out of the bondage of Egypt, because we remember when we too were strangers in a foreign land.
Conversion is a difficult process that requires one to completely overturn their way of life, their way of thinking, and even their friends and families. It is a vulnerable and emotionally challenging position, akin--according to this excerpt--to being ill or mourning the death of one's own child. If we torment converts or make them feel alone in their vulnerability, how shall they treat us when it is our turn to need support?
