Parshat Lekh Lekha - Conflict Resolution

Starting conflict is like opening a sluice; Before a quarrel [Hebrew: riv] flares up, drop it.

(5) Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents, (6) so that the land could not support them staying together; for their possessions were so great that they could not remain together. (7) And there was quarreling [Hebrew: riv]between the herders of Abram’s cattle and those of Lot’s cattle...

(8) Abram said to Lot, “Let there be no strife [Hebrew: m'rivah] between you and me, between my herders and yours, for we are brotherly people. (9) Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. If you go north, I will go south; and if you go south, I will go north.”

(10) Lot looked about him and saw how well watered was the whole plain of the Jordan, all of it—this was before God had destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah—all the way to Zoar, like the garden of God, like the land of Egypt. (11) So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan, and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus they parted from each other...

One must make great efforts to avoid conflict. If, God forbid, some kind of quarrel is beginning, one must immediately strive to remove the "fire" of the quarrel, as our sages [Sanhedrin 7a] when commenting on Proverbs 17:14: "Starting confclit is like opening a sluice."

This is was Abraham did when he said to Lot: "Let there not develop strife, m'rivah, between us." (Genesis 13:8) I hear a special meaning in the word "strife, i.e. m'rivah," which is in the feminine form, and he did not say "quarrel, riv." Although the Torah had already reported a "quarrel, riv," between the shepherds, Abraham said, for God's sake, that they should cease argumentative words, so that it will not "have children" like a conflict, which always bears "fruit" and get bigger. Instead, Abraham said "Let there not be strife, m'rivah," which is in the feminine form, which draws from [the metaphor of a] woman who produces offspring. It's enough that the "quarrel, riv," started - which is like something masculine, unable to give birth.

Written by Rabbi Isaiah HaLevi Horovitz, this commentary is a 17th-century compilation of ethics, mysticism, and law that was influential.

“Starting confclit is like opening a sluice.” Based on this verse, Rav Huna says: This quarrel between people is comparable to a split in a hose caused by a burst of water, emptying into a field; once the split in the hose widens, it widens even more and can no longer be repaired. To save the field, the hose must be repaired as soon as it splits. The same is true with regard to a quarrel; it must be stopped as soon as it begins.