For each of the texts below, take turns reading through, and then ask the following questions:
- What is the basic meaning of this text? (Explain it to a 3rd grader.)
- In the relationship(s) being described, what value is the most important?
- Do you care? (Do people still interact in this way? Is this still an issue in the world?)
- Can you make the text relevant to your own relationships?
(ד) רַבִּי יְהוּדָה בַּר סִימוֹן פָּתַח (תהלים סח, ז): אֱלֹהִים מוֹשִׁיב יְחִידִים בַּיְתָה, מַטְרוֹנָה שָׁאֲלָה אֶת רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר חֲלַפְתָּא אָמְרָה לוֹ לְכַמָּה יָמִים בָּרָא הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶת עוֹלָמוֹ, אָמַר לָהּ לְשֵׁשֶׁת יָמִים, כְּדִכְתִיב (שמות כ, יא): כִּי שֵׁשֶׁת יָמִים עָשָׂה יהוה אֶת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֶת הָאָרֶץ. אָמְרָה לוֹ מַה הוּא עוֹשֶׂה מֵאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה וְעַד עַכְשָׁו, אָמַר לָהּ, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא יוֹשֵׁב וּמְזַוֵּג זִוּוּגִים, בִּתּוֹ שֶׁל פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי, אִשְׁתּוֹ שֶׁל פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי, מָמוֹנוֹ שֶׁל פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי. אָמְרָה לֵיהּ, וְדָא הוּא אֻמָּנוּתֵיהּ, אַף אֲנִי יְכוֹלָה לַעֲשׂוֹת כֵּן, כַּמָּה עֲבָדִים כַּמָּה שְׁפָחוֹת יֵשׁ לִי, לְשָׁעָה קַלָּה אֲנִי יְכוֹלָה לְזַוְּגָן. אָמַר לָהּ, אִם קַלָּה הִיא בְּעֵינַיִךְ, קָשָׁה הִיא לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא כִּקְרִיעַת יַם סוּף. הָלַךְ לוֹ רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר חֲלַפְתָּא, מֶה עָשְׂתָה נָטְלָה אֶלֶף עֲבָדִים וְאֶלֶף שְׁפָחוֹת וְהֶעֱמִידָה אוֹתָן שׁוּרוֹת שׁוּרוֹת, אָמְרָה פְּלַן יִסַּב לִפְלוֹנִית וּפְלוֹנִית תִּסַּב לִפְלוֹנִי, וְזִוְּגָה אוֹתָן בְּלַיְלָה אַחַת. לְמָחָר אֲתוֹן לְגַבָּהּ דֵּין מוֹחֵיהּ פְּצִיעָא, דֵּין עֵינוֹ שְׁמִיטָא, דֵּין רַגְלֵיהּ תְּבִירָא. אָמְרָה לְהוֹן מַה לְּכוֹן, דָּא אֲמָרָה לֵית אֲנָא בָּעֵי לְדֵין, וְדֵין אֲמַר לֵית אֲנָא בָּעֵי לְדָא. מִיָּד שָׁלְחָה וְהֵבִיאָה אֶת רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר חֲלַפְתָּא, אָמְרָה לוֹ לֵית אֱלוֹהַּ כֶּאֱלָהֲכוֹן, אֱמֶת הִיא תּוֹרַתְכוֹן נָאָה וּמְשֻׁבַּחַת יָפֶה אָמַרְתָּ.
(4) [The following dialogue, one of many, is reported in the name of Rabbi Yossi ben Chalafta, one of the Mishnah’s most prominent sages, and an unnamed Roman woman of rank.] Rabbi Yehudah bar Simon began: "God returns the solitary ones homeward" (Psalms 58:7). A Roman Matron asked Rabbi Yosi ben Halafta, "In how many days did God create the world?" He said, "In six, as it is said, 'Since six days God made...' (Exodus 20:11) "And since then," she asked, "what has God been doing?" "God sits [on the Heavenly Throne] and makes matches: the daughter of this one to that one, the wife [i.e. widow] of this one to that one, the money of this one to that one," responded Rabbi Yossi. "And for merely this you believe in Him!" she said. "Even I can do that. I have many slaves, both male and female. In no time at all, I can match them for marriage." Rabbi Yossi, "Though this may be an easy thing for you to do, for God it is as difficult as splitting the Sea of Reeds." Whereupon, Rabbi Yossi took his leave. What did she do? The Matron lined up a thousand male and a thousand female slaves and paired them off before nightfall. The morning after, her estate resembled a battlefield. One slave had his head bashed in, another had lost an eye, while a third hobbled because of a broken leg. She said to them: "What do we have here?" and they each said to her: "I don't want this one" [with whom you matched me." Immediately, she summoned Rabbi Yossi and she brought him to her and said: "Your God is not like our god, and your Torah is true, pleasing and praiseworthy. You spoke wisely." ...
(טז) כָּל אַהֲבָה שֶׁהִיא תְלוּיָה בְדָבָר, בָּטֵל דָּבָר, בְּטֵלָה אַהֲבָה. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ תְּלוּיָה בְדָבָר, אֵינָהּ בְּטֵלָה לְעוֹלָם. אֵיזוֹ הִיא אַהֲבָה הַתְּלוּיָה בְדָבָר, זוֹ אַהֲבַת אַמְנוֹן וְתָמָר. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ תְּלוּיָה בְדָבָר, זוֹ אַהֲבַת דָּוִד וִיהוֹנָתָן:
(16) Any love that is dependent on something, when that thing perishes, the love perishes. But [a love] that is not dependent on something, does not ever perish. What's [an example of] a love that is dependent on something? That's the love of Amnon and Tamar. And [a love] that is not dependent on something? That's the love of David and Jonathan.
ר' לוי אמר: שחצים היו. הרבה נשים היו יושבות עגונות ממתינות להם. מה היו אומרים? אחי אבינו מלך, אחי אמנו נשיא, אבינו כהן גדול, ואנו שני סגני כהונה, אי זו אשה הוגנת לנו!
Rabbi Levi said: There were pompous men. Many women are sitting and bound up from waiting for them. What were the men saying? My dad's brother is a king, my mom's brother is a prince, my father is the High Priest, and we are two vice priests, which woman could possibly be fitting for us?!
איכא דאמרי בהא איסורא נמי אית בה כדרב יהודה אמר רב דאמר רב יהודה אמר רב אסור לאדם שיקדש את האשה עד שיראנה שמא יראה בה דבר מגונה ותתגנה עליו ורחמנא אמר (ויקרא יט, יח) ואהבת לרעך כמוך
It is forbidden for a man to betroth a woman until he sees her, lest he see something repulsive in her after the betrothal, and she will become repugnant to him, which will cause him to hate her. And to prevent this violation of what the Merciful One states in the Torah: “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18), the Sages ruled that a man must betroth a woman in person, to ensure that he approves of her.
כי הא דרב רחומי הוה שכיח קמיה דרבא במחוזא הוה רגיל דהוה אתי לביתיה כל מעלי יומא דכיפורי יומא חד משכתיה שמעתא הוה מסכיא דביתהו השתא אתי השתא אתי לא אתא חלש דעתה אחית דמעתא מעינה הוה יתיב באיגרא אפחית איגרא מתותיה ונח נפשיה
This is as it is related about Rav Reḥumi, who would commonly study before Rava in Meḥoza: He was accustomed to come back to his home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. One day he was particularly engrossed in the halakha he was studying, and so he remained in the study hall and did not go home. His wife was expecting him that day and continually said to herself: Now he is coming, now he is coming. But in the end, he did not come. She was distressed by this and a tear fell from her eye. At that exact moment, Rav Reḥumi was sitting on the roof. The roof collapsed under him and he died. This teaches how much one must be careful, as he was punished severely for causing anguish to his wife, even inadvertently.
ר"ע רעיא דבן כלבא שבוע הוה חזיתיה ברתיה דהוה צניע ומעלי אמרה ליה אי מקדשנא לך אזלת לבי רב אמר לה אין איקדשא ליה בצינעה ושדרתיה שמע אבוה אפקה מביתיה אדרה הנאה מנכסיה אזיל יתיב תרי סרי שנין בבי רב כי אתא אייתי בהדיה תרי סרי אלפי תלמידי שמעיה לההוא סבא דקאמר לה עד כמה
The Gemara further relates: Rabbi Akiva was the shepherd of ben Kalba Savua, one of the wealthy residents of Jerusalem. The daughter of Ben Kalba Savua saw that he was humble and refined. She said to him: If I betroth myself to you, will you go to the study hall to learn Torah? He said to her: Yes. She became betrothed to him privately and sent him off to study. Her father heard this and became angry. He removed her from his house and took a vow prohibiting her from benefiting from his property. Rabbi Akiva went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back to his house he brought twelve thousand students with him, and as he approached he heard an old man saying to his wife: For how long
קא מדברת אלמנות חיים אמרה ליה אי לדידי ציית יתיב תרי סרי שני אחריני אמר ברשות קא עבידנא הדר אזיל ויתיב תרי סרי שני אחריני בבי רב כי אתא אייתי בהדיה עשרין וארבעה אלפי תלמידי שמעה דביתהו הות קא נפקא לאפיה אמרו לה שיבבתא שאילי מאני לבוש ואיכסאי אמרה להו (משלי יב, י) יודע צדיק נפש בהמתו כי מטיא לגביה נפלה על אפה קא מנשקא ליה לכרעיה הוו קא מדחפי לה שמעיה אמר להו שבקוה שלי ושלכם שלה הוא שמע אבוה דאתא גברא רבה למתא אמר איזיל לגביה אפשר דמפר נדראי אתא לגביה א"ל אדעתא דגברא רבה מי נדרת א"ל אפילו פרק אחד ואפי' הלכה אחת אמר ליה אנא הוא נפל על אפיה ונשקיה על כרעיה ויהיב ליה פלגא ממוניה ברתיה דר"ע עבדא ליה לבן עזאי הכי והיינו דאמרי אינשי רחילא בתר רחילא אזלא כעובדי אמה כך עובדי ברתא
will you lead the life of a widow of a living man, living alone while your husband is in another place? She said to him: If he would listen to me, he would sit and study for another twelve years. When Rabbi Akiva heard this he said: I have permission to do this. He went back and sat for another twelve years in the study hall. When he came back he brought twenty-four thousand students with him. His wife heard and went out toward him to greet him. Her neighbors said: Borrow some clothes and wear them, as your current apparel is not appropriate to meet an important person. She said to them: “A righteous man understands the life of his beast” (Proverbs 12:10). When she came to him she fell on her face and kissed his feet. His attendants pushed her away as they did not know who she was, and he said to them: Leave her alone, as my Torah knowledge and yours is actually hers. In the meantime her father heard that a great man came to the town. He said: I will go to him. Maybe he will nullify my vow and I will be able to support my daughter. He came to him to ask about nullifying his vow, and Rabbi Akiva said to him: Did you vow thinking that this Akiva would become a great man? He said to him: If I had believed he would know even one chapter or even one halakha I would not have been so harsh. He said to him: I am he. Ben Kalba Savua fell on his face and kissed his feet and gave him half of his money. The Gemara relates: Rabbi Akiva’s daughter did the same thing for ben Azzai, who was also a simple person, and she caused him to learn Torah in a similar way, by betrothing herself to him and sending him off to study. This explains the folk saying that people say: The ewe follows the ewe; the daughter’s actions are the same as her mother’s.
ואמר רמי בר חמא אמר רב אסי אסור לאדם שיכוף אשתו לדבר מצוה שנאמר ואץ ברגלים חוטא
The Gemara cites another halakha derived from the verse mentioned in the previous discussion. Rami bar Ḥama said that Rav Asi said: It is prohibited for a man to force his wife in the conjugal mitzva, i.e., sexual relations, as it is stated: “And he who hastens with his feet sins” (Proverbs 19:2). The term his feet is understood here as a euphemism for intercourse.
והא לית ליה לר"מ מכלל לאו אתה שומע הן אמר רבי תנחום (במדבר ה, יט) הנקי כתיב דריש ר"ע איש ואשה זכו שכינה ביניהן לא זכו אש אוכלתן
Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. But if they do not merit reward, fire consumes them. Rava said:
... תנו רבנן יפיפיות שבהן מה היו אומרות תנו עיניכם ליופי שאין האשה אלא ליופי מיוחסות שבהן מה היו אומרות תנו עיניכם למשפחה לפי שאין האשה אלא לבנים מכוערות שבהם מה היו אומרות קחו מקחכם לשום שמים ובלבד שתעטרונו בזהובים אמר עולא ביראה אמר רבי אלעזר עתיד הקדוש ברוך הוא לעשות מחול לצדיקים והוא יושב ביניהם בגן עדן וכל אחד ואחד מראה באצבעו שנאמ' (ישעיהו כה, ט) ואמר ביום ההוא הנה אלהינו זה קוינו לו ויושיענו זה ה' קוינו לו נגילה ונשמחה בישועתו:
Rabbi Shimon ben Gamaliel said: There were no days of joy in Israel greater than the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur. Section two: On these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white garments... The daughters of Jerusalem come out and dance in the vineyards ... What would the beautiful women among them say? Set your eyes toward beauty, as a wife is only for her beauty. What would those of distinguished lineage among them say? Set your eyes toward family, as a wife is only for children, and the children of a wife from a distinguished family will inherit her lineage. What would the ugly ones among them say? Acquire your purchase for the sake of Heaven, provided that you adorn us with golden jewelry after our marriage to beautify us.
מתוך "מבחר הפנינים" המיוחס לרבי שלמה אבן גבירול, "שער האהבה"
שאל החכם: מה היא האהבה?
ואמר: נטות הלבבות והתחברם.
אין נקב המחט צר לשני אוהבים,
ואין רוחב העולם מכיל שני שונאים.
כשתאהב את חברך - אל תחניף לו, ואל תשאל עליו,
שמא תמצא אויב שיספר לך מה שאין בו, ויפריד בינך לבינו.
הזהר ממי שאהבתו כפי צורכו,
כי בשלמת הצורך תשלם אהבתו.
מי שיאמין אל הרכילים -
לא יישאר לו אוהב, אפילו אם יהיה חביב וקרוב.
אל תעזוב האוהב בעבור רכילות הרכיל.
כשתראה שני בני אדם מתחברים שלא לשם שמיים -
סופם להיפרד שלא לשם שמיים.
“Mivchar HaPninim” by Rabbi Shlomo Ibn Gavriel, “The Gate of Love”
The wise man asked: What is love?
Answer: The spreading out of the heart and bringing it back together.
The eye of a needle is not narrow for two in love, and the width of the world is not wide enough for two who hate.
When you love your friend- don’t flatter them, and don’t interrogate them for you might find an enemy that will say what is not there, and will make a separation between you.
Be careful around the one you love as much as is needed, because the price of what is needed will pay for their love.
One who believes the gossip- love will not last, even if they were dear and close.
Do not leave love for gossip.
When you see two joining not for the sake of heaven- they will separate also not for the sake of heaven.
קֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה הָיָה אָדָם פּוֹגֵעַ אִשָּׁה בַּשּׁוּק אִם רָצָה הוּא וְהִיא לִשָּׂא אוֹתָהּ מַכְנִיסָהּ לְתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ וּבוֹעֲלָהּ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין עַצְמוֹ וְתִהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה. כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּתְּנָה תּוֹרָה נִצְטַוּוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁאִם יִרְצֶה הָאִישׁ לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה יִקְנֶה אוֹתָהּ תְּחִלָּה בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים וְאַחַר כָּךְ תִּהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כב יג) "כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה וּבָא אֵלֶיהָ":
Before the Torah was given, when a man would meet a woman in the marketplace and he and she decided to marry, he would bring her home, conduct relations in private and thus make her his wife. Once the Torah was given, the Jews were commanded that when a man desires to marry a woman, he must acquire her as a wife in the presence of witnesses. [Only] after this, does she become his wife. This is [alluded to in Deuteronomy 22:13]: "When a man takes a wife and has relations with her...."
(יב) וְכֵן אָסְרוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁלֹּא יְשַׁמֵּשׁ אָדָם מִטָּתוֹ וְלִבּוֹ מְחַשֵּׁב בְּאִשָּׁה אַחֶרֶת. וְלֹא יִבְעל מִתּוֹךְ שִׁכְרוּת וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ מְרִיבָה וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ שִׂנְאָה וְלֹא יָבוֹא עָלֶיהָ עַל כָּרְחָהּ וְהִיא יְרֵאָה מִמֶּנּוּ. וְלֹא כְּשֶׁיִּהְיֶה אֶחָד מֵהֶן מְנֻדֶּה. וְלֹא יָבוֹא עָלֶיהָ אַחַר שֶׁגָּמַר בְּלִבּוֹ לְגָרְשָׁהּ. וְאִם עָשָׂה כֵּן הַבָּנִים אֵינָן הֲגוּנִים אֶלָּא מֵהֶן עַזֵּי פָּנִים וּמֵהֶן מוֹרְדִים וּפוֹשְׁעִים:
(12) Similarly, the sages forbade a man to have marital relations while thinking of another woman. Nor may he initiate sex while drunk, nor out of spite or hatred, nor may he rape her or initiate sex while she is afraid. Nor may they have sex while either of them are excommunicated nor after he has decided to divorce her. If [the husband] does any of those things, the children will not be proper [citizens] but brazen, rebellious [people] and criminals.
…כאן שאלה יפה עומד לפנינו: הן האהבה והנתינה באות באחת. האם הנתינה היא תולדת האהבה, או להפך, האהבה באה מן הנתינה? הורגלנו לחשוב את הנתינה לתולדת האהבה, כי לאשר יאהב האדם, ייטיב לו. אבל הסברה השנייה היא, כי יאהב האדם את פרי מעשיו, בהרגישו אשר חלק מן עצמיותו בהם הוא – אם בן יהיה, אשר ילד או אימן, או חיה אשר גידל, ואם צמח אשר נטע, או אם גם מן הדומם, כמו בית אשר בנה – הנהו דבוק למעשי ידיו באהבה, כי את עצמו ימצא בהם.
Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, Michtav MeEliyahu, ch. 4, The Basis of Love
…Here an important question stands before us: Both love and giving come as one. Is giving a result of love or the opposite, does love come from giving? We are accustomed to think that giving is a result of love, because a person is good to the person that they love. However, the other reasoning is that a person loves the fruits of their labors; when they feel that part of themselves is in them – if it’s a child that they gave birth to or raised, or an animal that they raised, or a plant that they planted. Or even in the non-living world, like a house that they built – they are attached to their labors with love. Because they find themselves in them.
Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”
Ben Rohr, I Have Zero Interest in Your Shidduch Resume, I Want to See THIS Instead, 10/18/15
I Have Zero Interest In Your Shidduch Resume, I Want To See THIS InsteadI don’t know the history of the resume or how it got to its current socially acceptable version but I would comfortably guess it was not conceived of by one person. Somehow as a community we have decided that a human being is the sum total of the schools they attended +their jobs+their shul affiliation+ their parents jobs,+ the number of siblings they have and their current social role. The funny thing is that nothing in that equation is about who you are as a unique, individual human being.Instead I would be deeply fascinated to learn the following 4 things.1. What Are Your Unique Values?Whats drives/inspires you? Which ideas/aspirations/values have you been influenced by? What ideas/values are you attempting to embody in your life?2. What Goals are you working on?What are you deeply passionate about? How are you pursuing that? What are you working hard on in spite of your fear of failure?3. What’s your personality like?What makes you…well you?Are you more extroverted or introverted?Are you open to new things and experiences or prefer routine?Do you tend to go with the flow of what others are doing or prefer to do things your way?Do you tend to worry about things or do you tend to remain calm in most situations?
Do you prefer to have your life organized in all aspects or are you comfortable with uncertainty and messiness in general?4. How did you get to where you are?Whats your story? Where are you from beyond your geographic origins? How did you become who you are? What twists and turns have you gone through? What key events have you experienced that played a key role in making you you?That’s it.I know many of us in our community feel that certain things are impossible to change specifically in the area of Shidduchim but I believe in the combined power of every individual…
(סג) וַיֵּצֵ֥א יִצְחָ֛ק לָשׂ֥וּחַ בַּשָּׂדֶ֖ה לִפְנ֣וֹת עָ֑רֶב וַיִּשָּׂ֤א עֵינָיו֙ וַיַּ֔רְא וְהִנֵּ֥ה גְמַלִּ֖ים בָּאִֽים׃ (סד) וַתִּשָּׂ֤א רִבְקָה֙ אֶת־עֵינֶ֔יהָ וַתֵּ֖רֶא אֶת־יִצְחָ֑ק וַתִּפֹּ֖ל מֵעַ֥ל הַגָּמָֽל׃ (סה) וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אֶל־הָעֶ֗בֶד מִֽי־הָאִ֤ישׁ הַלָּזֶה֙ הַהֹלֵ֤ךְ בַּשָּׂדֶה֙ לִקְרָאתֵ֔נוּ וַיֹּ֥אמֶר הָעֶ֖בֶד ה֣וּא אֲדֹנִ֑י וַתִּקַּ֥ח הַצָּעִ֖יף וַתִּתְכָּֽס׃ (סו) וַיְסַפֵּ֥ר הָעֶ֖בֶד לְיִצְחָ֑ק אֵ֥ת כָּל־הַדְּבָרִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשָֽׂה׃ (סז) וַיְבִאֶ֣הָ יִצְחָ֗ק הָאֹ֙הֱלָה֙ שָׂרָ֣ה אִמּ֔וֹ וַיִּקַּ֧ח אֶת־רִבְקָ֛ה וַתְּהִי־ל֥וֹ לְאִשָּׁ֖ה וַיֶּאֱהָבֶ֑הָ וַיִּנָּחֵ֥ם יִצְחָ֖ק אַחֲרֵ֥י אִמּֽוֹ׃ (פ)
(63) And Isaac went out walking in the field toward evening and, looking up, he saw camels approaching. (64) Raising her eyes, Rebekah saw Isaac. She alighted from the camel (65) and said to the servant, “Who is that man walking in the field toward us?” And the servant said, “That is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself. (66) The servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. (67) Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother’s death.
(ל) ויביאה יצחק ותהי לו לאשה ויאהבה (בראשית כד, סז). ויש לדקדק מאי בא להשמיענו שיצחק אהב את רבקה. ונראה, כי יש שני אהבות מאיש לאשה, יש אדם שאוהב אשתו תאות גופניות שלו שעל ידי זה ממלא תאותו ונמצא זה אינו אוהב אשתו כלל רק אוהב את עצמו. ויש אדם שאוהב אשתו ואינו מחמת תאות גוף שימלא תאותו, רק מחמת שהיא כלי לקיים על ידה מצות הבורא יתברך שמו כמו שאדם אוהב שאר מצות וזה נקרא אוהב את אשתו. וזהו ויאהבה יצחק, שלא חשב כלל מחמת תאות הגוף שלו, רק כדי לקיים מצות הבורא יתברך שמו ויתעלה זכרו:
(30) Genesis 24,67. “Yitzchok brought Rivkah into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he wed her and she became his wife and he loved her.” We need to examine what the Torah meant by Yitzchok loving Rivkah that is so extraordinary that it has to be spelled out here.A person can love their spouse on two different levels. One may love their spouse, i.e. be physically attracted to them as they enable one to satisfy one's biological urges. If this is their “love,” it is not love at all, but is merely love of one's self. There are those who do not love their spouses because they are instruments of fulfilling their physical desires, but because their spouses enable them to perform their Creator’s will better and more profoundly. This is the true meaning of “someone loving their spouse.” The Torah testifies that Yitzchok’s love for Rivkah was of the latter category.