Save "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Communicators (Avot 5:7)"
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Communicators (Avot 5:7)
This sheet explores the seven communication habits attributed to the Wise Person (specifically, a teacher of Torah) as described in Mishnah Avot, Chapter Five, Paragraph Seven. Additionally, this sheet considers various communication habits and advice promoted by Hillel.
שִׁבְעָה דְבָרִים בַּגֹּלֶם וְשִׁבְעָה בֶחָכָם.
א) חָכָם אֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר בִּפְנֵי מִי שֶׁהוּא גָדוֹל מִמֶּנּוּ בְחָכְמָה וּבְמִנְיָן,
ב) וְאֵינוֹ נִכְנָס לְתוֹךְ דִּבְרֵי חֲבֵרוֹ,
ג) וְאֵינוֹ נִבְהָל לְהָשִׁיב,
ד) שׁוֹאֵל כָּעִנְיָן וּמֵשִׁיב כַּהֲלָכָה,
ה) וְאוֹמֵר עַל רִאשׁוֹן רִאשׁוֹן וְעַל אַחֲרוֹן אַחֲרוֹן,
ו) וְעַל מַה שֶּׁלֹּא שָׁמַע, אוֹמֵר לֹא שָׁמָעְתִּי,
ז) וּמוֹדֶה עַל הָאֱמֶת.
וְחִלּוּפֵיהֶן בַּגֹּלֶם:
There are seven characteristics found in the Foolish Person* that parallel seven characteristics found in the Wise Person:
1) The Wise Person does not speak before one who is greater than they are, and this applies to those who have more wisdom or are much older;*
2) The Wise Person does not interrupt their fellow’s speech;*
3) The Wise Person does not rush to provides answers;
4) The Wise Person asks based on the topic currently discussed, and offers answers that respond to practical concerns;
5) The Wise Person talks about their first point first, and of the last point last;
6) If the Wise Person knows that they've never heard or do not understand something, they say "I never heard" or "I do not understand";*
7) The Wise Person acknowledges the truth.*
And the exact opposite of these are found in the Foolish Person.

Notes

The Foolish Person - The term "Golem" can refer to someone who has some wisdom but their minds are very disorganised (Rambam). Alternatively, the term "Golem" can refer to a person who is very materialistic and self-absorbed (Nachalot Avot).
Habit #1 - This applies to answering a question, but when it comes to asking a question, the Mishnah (Avot 2:5, below) teaches "an easily embarrassed person cannot learn" (Tosafot Yom Tov). Those greater in number refers (not to age, but) to how many students they have (Rashi).
Habit #2 - Not only does the Wise Person not interrupt their fellow, but they wait to see if their fellow can provide the correct answer (Tosafot Yom Tov).
Habit #6 - The Wise Person does not brag that they know something that they don't (Rambam).
Habit #7 - The Wise Person is not ashamed to admit when they are wrong, even in this occurs in the middle of a debate (Rambam). A most famous example is when the Holy One admitted that the daughters of Tzelophechad were right and that the inheritance law was too unfair (Avot D'Rabbi Natan).

Hillel's Habits

How do these statements by Hillel relate to communication?
...הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר,
הֱוֵי מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן, אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת וּמְקָרְבָן לַתּוֹרָה:
נָגֵד שְׁמָא, אָבֵד שְׁמֵהּ.
וּדְלֹא מוֹסִיף, יָסֵף...
...Hillel used to say:
• Be like the students of Aaron: love peace, pursue peace, love all humans and bring them close to the Torah (i.e., respect and educate others...).
• One who tries to make their name great will causes their name to be destroyed (i.e., don't brag...).
• One who does not add to their knowledge causes it to decrease (i.e., be open to learning new things...).
אַל תִּפְרֹשׁ מִן הַצִּבּוּר,
וְאַל תַּאֲמִין בְּעַצְמְךָ עַד יוֹם מוֹתְךָ,
וְאַל תָּדִין אֶת חֲבֵרְךָ עַד שֶׁתַּגִּיעַ לִמְקוֹמוֹ,
וְאַל תֹּאמַר דָּבָר שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לִשְׁמֹעַ, שֶׁסּוֹפוֹ לְהִשָּׁמַע.
וְלֹא הַבַּיְשָׁן לָמֵד,
וְלֹא הַקַּפְּדָן מְלַמֵּד,
וְלֹא כָל הַמַּרְבֶּה בִסְחוֹרָה מַחְכִּים.
וּבְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין אֲנָשִׁים, הִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִהְיוֹת אִישׁ:
• Do not separate yourself from the community (i.e., don't try to argue against everyone else...).
• Do not trust in yourself until the day of your death (i.e., don't be too overconfident),
• Do not judge your fellow man until you have reached his place (i.e., give others the benefit of the doubt...).
• Do not say something that is impossible for others to hear, hoping that in the end it will be heard (i.e., speak to others in a way they can relate to...)
• An easily embarrassed person cannot learn (*see note above on Habit #1).
• An easily angered person cannot teach (i.e., teaching others requires patience...);
• Someone who engages too much in business cannot become wise (i.e., wisdom requires a degree of selflessness...).
• In a place where there are no leaders, try to be a leader (i.e., sometimes you need to step up and teach others, even if you are not the perfect teacher...).

Hillel's Aleph Bet Lesson

What can we learn from Hillel's communication practice in this story?
מַעֲשֶׂה בְּגוֹי אֶחָד שֶׁבָּא לִפְנֵי שַׁמַּאי. אָמַר לוֹ: כַּמָּה תּוֹרוֹת יֵשׁ לָכֶם?
אָמַר לוֹ: שְׁתַּיִם, תּוֹרָה שֶׁבִּכְתָב וְתוֹרָה שֶׁבְּעַל פֶּה.
אָמַר לוֹ: שֶׁבִּכְתָב אֲנִי מַאֲמִינְךָ, וְשֶׁבְּעַל פֶּה — אֵינִי מַאֲמִינְךָ.
גַּיְּירֵנִי עַל מְנָת שֶׁתְּלַמְּדֵנִי תּוֹרָה שֶׁבִּכְתָב.
גָּעַר בּוֹ וְהוֹצִיאוֹ בִּנְזִיפָה. בָּא לִפְנֵי הִלֵּל, גַּיְירֵיהּ.
יוֹמָא קַמָּא אֲמַר לֵיהּ: א״ב ג״ד.
לִמְחַר אֲפֵיךְ לֵיהּ.
אֲמַר לֵיהּ: וְהָא אֶתְמוֹל לָא אֲמַרְתְּ לִי הָכִי!
אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לָאו עֲלַי דִּידִי קָא סָמְכַתְּ? דְּעַל פֶּה נָמֵי סְמוֹךְ עֲלַי.
Once upon a time, there was a non-Jewish man who saw Shammai and asked "how many Torahs do you have?"
Shammai replied, "We have two Torahs, a Written Torah and an Oral Torah."
The non-Jewish man replied, "I can believe what you say about the the Written Torah, but I don't believe what you say about the Oral Torah."
The man continued, "I would like to convert to Judaism on condition that you will teach me the Written Torah and nothing else."
Shammai got angry and told him to leave. Instead, the man went to see Hillel. And very soon, Hillel converted him and began teaching him Torah.
On the first day of his lessons, Hillel showed the man the letters of the Hebrew alphabet and said to him: "Alef... Bet... Gimmel... Dalet..."
The next day, Hillel started teaching the letters in backward order, telling him that an alef is a tav, a bet is a shin, and so on.
The man said to him: This is not the way you taught it yesterday!
Hillel replied: Isn't it true that you have to rely on me to teach you the Aleph Bet? So you should also rely on me to teach you the Oral Torah.

Hillel Forgets His Learning

What mistake did Hillel make in this story?
...מִיָּד הוֹשִׁיבוּהוּ בָּרֹאשׁ, וּמִינּוּהוּ נָשִׂיא עֲלֵיהֶם, וְהָיָה דּוֹרֵשׁ כׇּל הַיּוֹם כּוּלּוֹ בְּהִלְכוֹת הַפֶּסַח.
הִתְחִיל מְקַנְטְרָן בִּדְבָרִים. אָמַר לָהֶן: מִי גָּרַם לָכֶם שֶׁאֶעְלֶה מִבָּבֶל וְאֶהְיֶה נָשִׂיא עֲלֵיכֶם — עַצְלוּת שֶׁהָיְתָה בָּכֶם, שֶׁלֹּא שִׁמַּשְׁתֶּם שְׁנֵי גְּדוֹלֵי הַדּוֹר, שְׁמַעְיָה וְאַבְטַלְיוֹן.
אָמְרוּ לוֹ: רַבִּי, שָׁכַח וְלֹא הֵבִיא סַכִּין מֵעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת, מַהוּ? אָמַר לָהֶן: הֲלָכָה זוֹ שָׁמַעְתִּי וְשָׁכַחְתִּי,
אֶלָּא הַנַּח לָהֶן לְיִשְׂרָאֵל, אִם אֵין נְבִיאִים הֵן — בְּנֵי נְבִיאִים הֵן. לְמָחָר, מִי שֶׁפִּסְחוֹ טָלֶה — תּוֹחֲבוֹ בְּצַמְרוֹ, מִי שֶׁפִּסְחוֹ גְּדִי — תּוֹחֲבוֹ בֵּין קַרְנָיו.
רָאָה מַעֲשֶׂה וְנִזְכַּר הֲלָכָה, וְאָמַר: כָּךְ מְקוּבְּלַנִי מִפִּי שְׁמַעְיָה וְאַבְטַלְיוֹן.
Once, Hillel was the only sage to answer a question that had been bothering the elders of Israel. To reward him, they immediately seated Hillel at the head of the court and appointed him as President. Hillel soon began teaching the laws of Passover for an entire day.
Later, Hillel began criticising the eldersa and said to them: What happened that you were unable to remember the laws? Why did you need someone like me to travel all the way from Babylonia to become President over you? Was it because you were too lazy to go and study from Shemaya and Avtalyon, the great scholars of the last generation...
Later, the elders asked Hillel a question regarding someone who went to bring a lamb or goat to sacrifice for Passover but forgot to bring a knife before Shabbat... Hillel replied: I once heard the law from my teachers but I seem to have forgotten what to do(!)
Hillel then said, "Leave the decision up to the custom of the people. Even if they are not prophets, they are the children of prophets, and will certainly do the right thing on their own. The next day, Hillel and the elders watched how the people figured out what to do. Some tucked the knife into the wool of the lamb. Others linked it to the horns of the goat.
Hillel saw what happened and remembered that the people's actions were exactly what his teachers, Shemaya and Avtalyon, had told him many years ago.
We use cookies to give you the best experience possible on our site. Click OK to continue using Sefaria. Learn More.OKאנחנו משתמשים ב"עוגיות" כדי לתת למשתמשים את חוויית השימוש הטובה ביותר.קראו עוד בנושאלחצו כאן לאישור