בָּרוּךְ הַמָּקוֹם, בָּרוּךְ הוּא, בָּרוּךְ שֶׁנָּתַן תּוֹרָה לְעַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל, בָּרוּךְ הוּא. כְּנֶגֶד אַרְבָּעָה בָנִים דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה: אֶחָד חָכָם, וְאֶחָד רָשָׁע, וְאֶחָד תָּם, וְאֶחָד שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל.
חָכָם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֵדוֹת וְהַחֻקִּים וְהַמִּשְׁפָּטִים אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה ה' אֱלֹקֵינוּ אֶתְכֶם. וְאַף אַתָּה אֱמוֹר לוֹ כְּהִלְכוֹת הַפֶּסַח: אֵין מַפְטִירִין אַחַר הַפֶּסַח אֲפִיקוֹמָן:
רָשָׁע מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֲבוֹדָה הַזּאֹת לָכֶם. לָכֶם – וְלֹא לוֹ. וּלְפִי שֶׁהוֹצִיא אֶת עַצְמוֹ מִן הַכְּלָל כָּפַר בְּעִקָּר. וְאַף אַתָּה הַקְהֵה אֶת שִׁנָּיו וֶאֱמוֹר לוֹ: "בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם". לִי וְלֹא־לוֹ. אִלּוּ הָיָה שָׁם, לֹא הָיָה נִגְאָל:
תָּם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מַה זּאֹת? וְאָמַרְתָּ אֵלָיו "בְּחוֹזֶק יָד הוֹצִיאָנוּ ה' מִמִּצְרַיִם מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים".
וְשֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל – אַתְּ פְּתַח לוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, וְהִגַּדְתָּ לְבִנְךָ בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא לֵאמֹר, בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם.
Blessed be the Place [of all], Blessed be He; Blessed be the One who Gave the Torah to His people Israel, Blessed be He. Corresponding to four sons did the Torah speak; one [who is] wise, one [who is] evil, one who is innocent and one who doesn't know to ask.
What does the wise [son] say? "'What are these testimonies, statutes and judgments that the Lord our God commanded you?' (Deuteronomy 6:20)" And accordingly you will say to him, as per the laws of the Pesach sacrifice, "We may not eat an afikoman [a dessert or other foods eaten after the meal] after [we are finished eating] the Pesach sacrifice (Mishnah Pesachim 10:8)."
What does the evil [son] say? "'What is this worship to you?' (Exodus 12:26)" 'To you' and not 'to him.' And since he excluded himself from the collective, he denied a principle [of the Jewish faith]. And accordingly, you will blunt his teeth and say to him, "'For the sake of this, did the Lord do [this] for me in my going out of Egypt' (Exodus 13:8)." 'For me' and not 'for him.' If he had been there, he would not have been saved.
What does the innocent [son] say? "'What is this?' (Exodus 13:14)" And you will say to him, "'With the strength of [His] hand did the Lord take us out from Egypt, from the house of slaves' (Exodus 13:14).'"
And [regarding] the one who doesn't know to ask, you will open [the conversation] for him. As it is stated (Exodus 13:8), "And you will speak to your son on that day saying, for the sake of this, did the Lord do [this] for me in my going out of Egypt."
How do we make sense of the confusing response to how we are told to respond to the wicked child?
We’re supposed to question it. Even when we are told by those we respect that one of our people is separating themself from klal yisrael and would not have been redeemed, we’re supposed to ask “why is this the response we are having?”
We’re supposed to search the Torah and realize that the “wicked child”, like all the children, ask a question that is a direct quote from Torah, that the Torah says our children will ask.
We’re supposed to see the light of Torah in others questions. We’re supposed to give the benefit of the doubt, even when others tell us not to.
איבעית אימא ר' שמעון היא דתניא אמר רבי שמעון וכי מפני שאכל זה תרטימר בשר ושתה חצי לוג יין האיטלקי אביו ואמו מוציאין אותו לסקלו אלא לא היה ולא עתיד להיות ולמה נכתב דרוש וקבל שכר
If you wish, say instead that this baraita is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Shimon. As it is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Shimon says: And is it simply due to the fact that the boy ate a tarteimar of meat and drank a half-log of Italian wine that his father and his mother shall take him out to stone him? Rather, there has never been a stubborn and rebellious son and there will never be one in the future. And why, then, was the passage relating to a stubborn and rebellious son written in the Torah? So that you may expound upon new understandings of the Torah and receive reward for your learning.
The rabbis attempt to legislate the idea of the wayward and rebellious son out of existence, say there was no Ben sorer umoreh and never will be. They ask why the Torah wrote this?
Their answer: drosh v’kabel sachar. Interpret and receive reward. I believe the point of the wicked child is similar. We’re supposed to question. We’re supposed to imagine a better response.
When we are told to have a harsh response to those who we are told are cutting themselves off from the Jewish community, we’re supposed to examine and find a kinder way.
We’re not supposed to take anything for granted. When someone tells us someone is cutting themselves off from the Jewish community, especially then, we’re supposed to find Torah in their questioning.
The wicked child’s question is a great question by the way. It forces the answerer to examine their personal relationship with the rituals of the seder. It asks the answerer to reflect on what the ritual means for *them*
Aren’t we all supposed to imagine ourselves as personally having come out of Egypt on the seder night? The wicked child’s question, far from separating himself, asks us to imagine ourselves as personally coming out of Egypt.
And we in turn, are supposed to examine our potential discomfort with questions, turn inward, and repeat the question back to our children. What does this ritual mean to them?
We’re supposed to cultivate their own personal relationships with Yiddishkeit, with the Jewish community, with the Torah, and with Hashem.
When others tell us a quality in a person removes them from their Jewishness, we’re supposed to find ways to draw them closer, even when the people telling us this are great rabbis.
The reward is the unity of the Jewish people, and a Judaism that pulls people in rather than pushing them away. The wicked child is an invitation.
אמר ר' יונתן אני ראיתיו וישבתי על קברו
Rabbi Yonatan says: This is not so, as I saw one. I was once in a place where a stubborn and rebellious son was condemned to death, and I even sat on his grave after he was executed.
But Rabbi Yonatan delivers a punch to the discussion of the wayward and rebellious son: “I saw him, and sat on his grave.” We can never forget those we left behind, those we have done damage to.
Similarly, we cannot forget those we have assumed the worst of, those our communities have isolated, and those we have treated the way the Haggadah tells us to treat the wicked son. But we can imagine something kinder. I invite us to.