Illustration Credit: Elad Lifshitz, Dov Abramson Studio
Halakhah הֲלָכָה
Our rabbis highlight the way in which Esav—perhaps more than anyone else in the Torah—performed the mitzvah of כִּיבּוּד אָב וָאֵם (kibbud av va-em, honoring your parents).
אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל כָּל יָמַי הָיִיתִי מְשַׁמֵּשׁ אֶת אַבָּא וְלֹא שִׁמַּשְׁתִּי אוֹתוֹ אֶחָד מִמֵּאָה שֶׁשִּׁמֵּשׁ עֵשָׂו אֶת אָבִיו.
Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: My entire life I have served my father, and I have not even served one-hundredth of how Esav served his father.
The mitzvah of honoring our parents is one of the עֲשֶׂרֶת הַדִּבְּרוֹת (Aseret Hadibrot, Ten Commandments) given at הַר סִינַי (Har Sinai, Mount Sinai). It’s also one of the few mitzvot whose reward (living a long life) is written in the Torah (see Shemot 20:12).
In addition to the mitzvah of honoring our parents, the Torah includes a parallel mitzvah to fear our parents (from Vayikra 19:3).
What is the difference between these two mitzvot of honoring and fearing?
Kibbud, honoring כִּיבּוּד
Standing up when our parents enter the room, as we would for a teacher or an elder.
Serving our parents food and drink.
Providing financial support if needed.
Mora, fearing מוֹרָא
We may not call our parents by their names. Instead, we call them, “my mother,” or, “my father.”
We should not stand or sit in our parents’ designated places, so sitting in their chairs is not allowed.
We should not contradict our parents to their faces.
What about grandparents?
The Rema (Shulhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah 240:20) writes that the mitzvot of kibbud av va-em apply even to grandparents, but we have a greater obligation to our own parents.
The Sefer Ha-Hinukh (33) explains that honoring our parents is a mitzvah in all places and at all times. It’s not just for kids, and perhaps it’s even more important for grown-ups.
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