וּמִיּוֹם שֶׁגָּלָה יוֹסֵף אָחִי, יָרַד אָבִי מֵעַל הַמִּטָּה וְיָשַׁב עַל גַבֵּי קַרְקַע שׁוֹכֵב. וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָּא בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁאֲנִי רוֹאֶה אֶת אַחַי, כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד יוֹשֵׁב לוֹ אֵצֶל אָחִיו וַאֲנִי יוֹשֵׁב לְבַדִּי, זוֹלְגִין עֵינַי דְמָעוֹת. בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה נִתְגַּלְגְּלוּ רַחֲמֵי יוֹסֵף עָלָיו, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וַיְמַהֵר יוֹסֵף כִּי נִכְמְרוּ רַחֲמָיו. אָמַר רַב נַחְמָן בַּר יִצְחָק, בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה זִמְּנָם לִסְעוּדָה, הָיָה מְבַקֵּשׁ לְהָסֵב לְבִנְיָמִין אֶצְלוֹ וְלֹא הָיָה יוֹדֵעַ כֵּיצַד לַעֲשׂוֹת. נָטַל אֶת הַגָּבִיעַ וְהִקִּישׁ בּוֹ. אָמַר לָהֶם: הָיִיתִי סָבוּר שֶׁיְּהוּדָה הוּא הַבְּכוֹר שֶׁהוּא מְדַבֵּר תְּחִלָּה, אֲנִי רוֹאֶה שֶׁרְאוּבֵן הוּא הַבְּכוֹר וִיהוּדָה הוּא פַּטִּיט. הֵסֵב רְאוּבֵן בְּרֹאשׁ הַמְּסֻבִּין. שׁוּב נָטַל אֶת הַגָּבִיעַ וְהִקִּישׁ בּוֹ. אָמַר, שִׁמְעוֹן עֲלֵה וְהָסֵב אֶצְלוֹ שֶׁאַתָּה שֵׁנִי לוֹ. וְכֵן לְלֵוִי, וְכֵן לִיהוּדָה, וְכֵן כֻּלָּם דֶּרֶךְ לֵדָתָם. שׁוּב נָטַל אֶת הַגָּבִיעַ וְהִקִּישׁ בּוֹ. אָמַר לָהֶם: אֲנִי רוֹאֶה בַגָּבִיעַ שֶׁכֻּלְּכֶם אַתֶּם בְּנֵי אָב אֶחָד, אֲבָל אֲבִיכֶם נָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה הָיוּ לוֹ. הִתְחִיל קוֹרֵא לְדָן וּלְנַפְתָּלִי, וְאָמַר לָהֶם עֲלוּ הָסֵבּוּ, עַד שֶׁהֵסֵבּוּ כֻלָּם כְּסִדְרָן דֶּרֶךְ לֵדָתָן. נִשְׁתַּיֵּר בִּנְיָמִין. אָמַר רוֹאֶה אֲנִי לָזֶה שֶׁהָיָה לוֹ אָח וּפֵרַשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ וְאֵין לוֹ אֵם, וְאַף אֲנִי הָיָה לִי אָח וּפֵרַשׁ מִמֶּנִּי וְאֵין לִי אֵם, יָבֹא וְיֵשֵׁב אֶצְלִי. יָשַׁב אֶצְלוֹ. הָדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב, וַיֵּשְׁבוּ לְפָנָיו הַבְּכֹר כִּבְכֹרָתוֹ וְהַצָּעִיר כִּצְעִרָתוֹ.
“From the day my brother Joseph disappeared, my father forsook his bed, and sat and slept only on the ground. Furthermore, whenever I saw my brothers sitting side by side, while I was forced to sit alone, my eyes welled up with tears.” At that moment, Joseph’s compassion toward him was stirred, as it is said: And Joseph made haste; for his heart yearned for his brother (Gen. 43:30). R. Nahman the son of Isaac explained: He then arranged a banquet for them at which he decided to have Benjamin sit at his side, but he did not know, at first, how to accomplish it. Whereupon, he took the goblet, struck it, and said to them: “I was of the opinion that Judah was the firstborn, since he was the first to speak, but now I discover that Reuben is the firstborn, and that Judah is just a prattler.” And he sat Reuben at the head of the table. Then he took the goblet once again, struck it, and told Simeon: “Sit alongside of him, for you are the second son.” He likewise seated Levi, Judah, and all the rest according to their ages. Then he took the goblet once again, struck it, and declared: “I have discovered through this cup that you are all the sons of one father, but that your father had a number of wives.” He then told Dan and Naphtali to be seated according to their ages. At last, only Benjamin remained unseated. “I see that this one had a brother, from whom he is separated, and that he is an orphan. I too had a brother from whom I am separated. He is an orphan, and I too am an orphan. Let him come and sit beside me.” And he sat him at his side, as Scripture says: And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth (Gen. 43:33).
In this midrashic narrative, Joseph's compassion is stirred, not simply by nostalgia and love for his true brother Benjamin, but because his own existence is suddenly fleshed out in absence. Through all the years of einenu, out of the line of Benjamin's sight, he has continued to be an object of imagination and regret for his brother. The naming of Benjamin's sons responds to the enigma that had inspired the naming of his own sons; indeed, it is clearly he who takes the initiative in eliciting information from Benjamin about the meaning of his sons' names – as though he seeks precisely the mirroring consolation that Benjamin gives him. For – absent, forgotten, swallowed up – Joseph has lived on in Benjamin's mind, as a continuous presence, manifested in the names of his sons: an elder brother, pleasant, his father's prime student, marrying in some unknown place, captive, alienated.
It is this fusion of absence and presence, of alienation and empathy, this understanding of Joseph's "lostness" to himself that Benjamin has recorded, through the years of separation...
by Zoë Krupka
Part of the picture of sibling loss is that it is compounded. Children not only lose their sibling, but also the parents they knew disappear at least for a time into profound grief. This can lead to the loss of the child’s position as they try to cope with the higher expectations on their shoulders...
We develop our self in relationship to others, and our siblings are a kind of mirror. When they die, we lose a relationship that provided an essential reflection of who we are and who we might become. Children whose sibling has died need to have a place for their ongoing thoughts, feelings and connection to the dead throughout their lives.
For children who never knew their dead sibling, this affirmation of their connection to the lost one has a different quality but is no less important. While for these children the links are not made up of memories of a relationship, they are important symbolic representations of the self through the lens of the grief that came before.
For both groups of children, those who knew their dead sibling and those who did not, stories about the lost child help to make sense of who they are and of their place in the world.
By Mark Gottlieb
As chronicled in the biblical Book of Maccabees (which is canonical for Catholics but considered apocryphal for Jews and most Protestants), the battle of Judah Maccabee against the Hellenizers was more like a civil war within the borders of the Holy Land than a war between two nations or empires. This conflict was an internal one: it was Jew versus Jew, not Jew versus Pagan Gentile. A battle between brothers is often more tragic and painful than one in which the enemy is a clearly distinguishable foreigner.