Jewish Masculinity

Gender Role Socialization in Jewish Men
By John Lesser & Michael C. Gottlieb
Presented at the 102nd annual APA convention, 1994
Early Socialization
Although Jews constitute neither a race nor a nationality, they do maintain strong cultural characteristics which are taught to children. Jewish boys are encouraged by parents to be gentle, kind, and emotional. Contrary to the dominant culture's stereotype of masculinity, Jews' construction of boyhood is one of respect for mother and father, emotional sensitivity, and kindness toward others (Kimmel, 1987). Parents may also be overprotective and restraining. Marshall Sklare's (1971) ethnography of American Jews describes a contractual relationship between parent and child in which protection, love, and support are provided by the parents in exchange for nachas, or pleasure and gratification, which can only be given by the child. Jewish boys who fail to meet their parent's expectations (academic excellence, for example) are unable to provide the nachas that is expected of them, and this sense of failure may be a source of low self-esteem and/or insecurity. By contrast, mainstream boys provide their parents with pride by meeting a different set of expectations. Athletic ability, independence, and emotional restraint arc taught to mainstream boys, and those who fulfill these expectations arc rewarded.
Adolescence
Development of scholarship has long been valued in the Jewish tradition, with origins most likely found in the study of Torah and Talmud. A great deal of pressure is placed on the Jewish adolescent to achieve academically. Socialized to study rather than play football, the Jewish adolescent stands outside of the mainstream masculine image. The clearest example of the Jewish emphasis on intellectual rather than physical skill is the BarMitzvah, which represents the Jewish boy's rite of passage into manhood. In the eyes of the Jewish community, boys are elevated into manhood after they have demonstrated Knowledge of the Torah and have publicly chanted special verses in Hebrew. Whereas other racial/ethnic groups may use athletic ability as a demarcation of adult masculinity, Jews rely upon intellectual skills. In an effort to gain acceptance by peers, the Jewish adolescent male may rebel against his cultural norms and try to fulfill the masculine image of the dominant culture. In doing so, he may deny or rebel against his own culture's conception of ideal masculinity, possibly developing a sense of self-hatred and/or an attempt to 'pass' as a non-Jew (Lewin, 1941). Self-hatred among Jewish adolescents functions in the same way that homophobia does for gay and lesbian teens. The dominant culture's message is that the minority (Jewish, homosexual) is inferior, and the message is internalized. In an attempt to meet the dominant culture's expectations, Jewish teens may overcompensate by hating themselves.
Mid-Life
At mid-life, Jewish men like all others are likely to grow reflective and introspective, examining themselves as they have never done. Characteristics that had previously been suppressed are now explored. Emotional sensitivity is more likely to be seen as an asset in interpersonal relationships, especially with lovers and children. Intelligence and wisdom may now be valued as previously unexplored resources. Intellectual achievement that was previously devalued in younger years is likely to become a source of pride and accomplishment (Kimmel, 1988). At mid-life, the need to demonstrate stereotypic masculinity may diminish, and the conceptualization of masculinity may change from a mainstream definition to a more specifically Jewish one. If this occurs, the Jewish father is likely to continue the socialization process by passing on Jewish culture and values to his own children, demonstrating an affinity for his Jewish socialization which he once rejected. The desire to emulate majority men and/or negatively stereotype other racial/ethnic minority men may diminish with an appreciation of Jewish values. Majority masculine stereotypes may in turn be devalued when seen as less sensitive and lacking intellect.