If you saw the Pixar© movie, Inside Out, you may have realized you were watching a tutorial of sorts about one of the fastest-growing, evidence-based models of therapy today: Internal Family Systems (IFS). For those who missed the movie, it explores the inner world of a girl named Riley whose life is disrupted by a cross-country move. Each of Riley’s emotions, her anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and joy—personified by characters with the same names—competes to push its own agenda. Decades before Inside Out, psychologist, Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, noticed that his clients tended to talk about themselves in terms of “parts” (as in, “A part of me feels angry, but another part of me is so sad I could stay in bed all weekend”).
Lights of Penitence 15:10 - Rav Kook
When one forgets the essence of one's own soul, when one distracts his mind from attending to the substantive content of his own inner life, everything becomes confused and uncertain. The primary role of penitence, which at once sheds light on the darkened zone, is for the person to return to himself, to the root of his soul. Then he will at once return to God, to the Soul of all souls. Then he will progress continually, higher and higher, in holiness and purity. This is true whether we consider the individual, a whole people, or the whole of humanity, or whether we consider the mending of all existence, which always becomes damaged when it forgets itself...
(11) “Come out,” G!d called, “and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And lo, the LORD passed by. There was a great and mighty wind, splitting mountains and shattering rocks by the power of the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind—an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake. (12) After the earthquake—fire; but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire—a soft murmuring sound [a still, small voice].
Rebbe Nachman, Lekkutei Moharan:
"At our core we are a soul, a part of ourselves which is unchanging."
Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, fills the entire world, so too the soul fills the entire body.
Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, sees but is not seen, so too does the soul see, but is not seen.
Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, sustains the entire world, so too the soul sustains the entire body.
Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, is pure, so too is the soul pure.
Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, resides in a chamber within a chamber, in His inner sanctum, so too the soul resides in a chamber within a chamber, in the innermost recesses of the body.
Therefore, that which has these five characteristics, the soul, should come and praise He Who has these five characteristics.
3 main Attributes of the Self/The Soul:
- Compassion: The Self is compassionate both to its parts and with others.
- Calm: The self has the ability to perceive situations accurately without distortion from extreme beliefs and emotions
- Connection: The self naturally wants to connect to others as well as a higher purpose.
וַיַּעֲבֹ֨ר ה' ׀ עַל־פָּנָיו֮ וַיִּקְרָא֒ ה' ׀ ה' אֵ֥ל רַח֖וּם וְחַנּ֑וּן אֶ֥רֶךְ אַפַּ֖יִם וְרַב־חֶ֥סֶד וֶאֱמֶֽת
The LORD passed before him and proclaimed: “The LORD! the LORD! a God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness.
We are solely responsible for the powerful inner forces that can lead us astray, and so these are our first priority. The guidance we are being given here is to cultivate an inner attitude that creates some distance between the stimulus that comes at us (whether from within or outside) and our reactions to it.
--Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness
COMPASSION:
יש לעיין בדרכי בני אדם כשרוצים להוכיח איזה איש להסירו מדרכו, אולי זה הדרך לפי ענינו טובה היא אע״פ שיש בה חסרונות, אבל בחסרונותיה מגינות עליו בעד חסרונות יותר עצומות. והשי״ת ידריכנו במעגלי צדק. שלפעמים פיתוי היצר הוא להשתקע בתוכחות לכ״א, ואין זה כי - אם רוע לב. והמרחם רחום יכפר.
Rav Kook, Midot Harayah, p. 92
Take a second look when you want to improve someone and remove him from his habitual path. Perhaps that path is actually good. Although it has its failings, they may be protecting that person from even greater failings. May God guide us to be fair. Sometimes our inner drive entices us to enter a mode of improving everyone. This is actually a negative impulse. We can be compassionate. And when we are, God, Who is the most compassionate, will remove all flaws.
CALM:
Jewish sources use several terms to name the soul-trait of undisturbed equanimity, the most descriptive of which is menuchat hanafesh, calmness of the soul. In the Jewish view, the goal of spiritual life is not to reach an enlightened state in which all the questions and conundrums of life are unknotted and fine, but rather to become much more skilled at the processes of living. This view applies fully to the soul-trait of equanimity, which does not spell the end of our struggles, rather is an inner quality we can cultivate to equip ourselves to handle the inevitable ups and downs of life.
--Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness
“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”
- DR. STEPHEN R. COVEY, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
ויש דעות שאסור לו לאדם לנהוג בהן בבינונית, אלא יתרחק עד הקצה האחר--והוא גובה הלב, שאין הדרך הטובה שיהיה האדם עניו בלבד, אלא שיהיה שפל רוח, ותהיה רוחו נמוכה למאוד. ולפיכך ציוו חכמים, מאוד מאוד הוי שפל רוח. ועוד אמרו שכל המגביה ליבו--כפר בעיקר, שנאמר "ורם, לבבך; ושכחת את ה' אלוקיך" (דברים ח,יד). ועוד אמרו בשמתא דאית ביה גסות הרוח, ואפילו מקצתה.
One should teach himself not to get angry, even over a matter which befits anger. If one desires to engender awe in his children and his household, or in the public, if he be at the head of a community, even if he desire to get angry at them so as to bring them back to the good way, he should only act angry in their presence so as to reprove them, but his disposition must remain calm within himself, even as a man imitates, who is angry when the time calls forth anger but in reality he is not angry. The conduct of the just is to take insults but not give insults, hear themselves flouted but make no reply, do their duty as a work of love, and bear affliction cheerfully.
Rise above events that are inconsequential - both bad and good for they are not worth disturbing your equanimity.
-Rabbi Menachem Mendel Lefin, Cheshbon HaNefesh
CONNECTION:
“These are the dry facts, and they may well be the reason why reporters of American newspapers and particularly of American TV stations more often than not start their interviews, after listing these facts, by exclaiming: ‘Dr. Frankl, your book has become a true bestseller—how do you feel about such a success?’ Whereupon I react by reporting that in the first place I do not at all see in the bestseller status of my book an achievement and accomplishment on my part but rather an expression of the misery of our time: if hundreds of thousands of people reach out for a book whose very title promises to deal with the question of a meaning to life, it must be a question that burns under their fingernails.”
“I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system. I have termed this constitutive characteristic "the self-transcendence of human existence." It denotes the fact that being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself--be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself--by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love--the more human he is and the more he finds meaning himself.
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning