Dr. Brene Brown:
I was like, "Okay." So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.
And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood sh&*."
I was like, "Okay." So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.
And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood sh&*."
חָנָן הַנֶּחְבָּא בַּר בְּרַתֵּיה דְּחוֹנִי הַמְעַגֵּל הֲוָה כִּי מִצְטְרִיךְ עָלְמָא לְמִיטְרָא הֲווֹ מְשַׁדְּרִי רַבָּנַן יָנוֹקֵי דְּבֵי רַב לְגַבֵּיהּ וְנָקְטִי לֵיהּ בְּשִׁיפּוּלֵי גְלִימֵיהּ וַאֲמַרוּ לֵיהּ אַבָּא אַבָּא הַב לַן מִיטְרָא אָמַר לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם עֲשֵׂה בִּשְׁבִיל אֵלּוּ שֶׁאֵין מַכִּירִין בֵּין אַבָּא דְּיָהֵיב מִיטְרָא לְאַבָּא דְּלָא יָהֵיב מִיטְרָא וְאַמַּאי קָרֵי לֵיהּ חָנָן הַנֶּחְבָּא מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהָיָה מַחְבִּיא עַצְמוֹ בְּבֵית הַכִּסֵּא
§ The Gemara relates another story about a descendant of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel. Ḥanan HaNeḥba was the son of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel’s daughter. When the world was in need of rain, the Sages would send schoolchildren to him, and they would grab him by the hem of his cloak and say to him: Father, Father, give us rain. He said before the Holy Blessed One: Master of the Universe, act on behalf of these children, who cannot distinguish between their Parent in Heaven, Who can provide rain, and the father who cannot provide rain. The Gemara asks: And why was he called Ḥanan HaNeḥba? Because he would hide [maḥbi] himself in the lavatory so that people would not bestow honor upon him.
Dr. Brene Brown:
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
אֲמַר לֵיהּ רַבִּי זְרִיקָא לְרַב סָפְרָא תָּא חֲזִי מָה בֵּין תַּקִּיפֵי דְּאַרְעָא דְיִשְׂרָאֵל לַחֲסִידֵי דְבָבֶל חֲסִידֵי דְבָבֶל רַב הוּנָא וְרַב חִסְדָּא כִּי הֲוָה מִצְטְרִיךְ עָלְמָא לְמִיטְרָא אָמְרִי נִיכַּנֵּיף הֲדָדֵי וְנִיבְעֵי רַחֲמֵי אֶפְשָׁר דְּמִירַצֵּי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא דְּיֵיתֵי מִיטְרָא
The Gemara relates another story about righteous individuals praying for rain. Rabbi Zerika said to Rav Safra: Come and see what the difference is between the powerful men of Eretz Yisrael and the pious men of Babylonia. This comparison serves to highlight the righteousness of the great men of Eretz Yisrael. By the pious men of Babylonia, I mean Rav Huna and Rav Ḥisda. When the world is in need of rain, these Sages say: Let us assemble together and pray for mercy, and perhaps the Holy One, Blessed be He, will be appeased and bring rain. In this manner, the pious men of Babylonia publicized their prayers for rain.
Dr. Brene Brown:
- Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them
- The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.
- Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.
תַּקִּיפֵי דְּאַרְעָא דְיִשְׂרָאֵל כְּגוֹן רַבִּי יוֹנָה אֲבוּהּ דְּרַבִּי מָנִי כִּי הֲוָה מִצְטְרִיךְ עָלְמָא לְמִיטְרָא הֲוָה עָיֵיל לְבֵיתֵיהּ וַאֲמַר לְהוּ הַבוּ לִי גּוּאַלְקִי וְאֵיזִיל וְאַיְיתֵי לִי בְּזוּזָא עִיבוּרָא כִּי הֲוָה נָפֵיק לְבָרָא אָזֵיל וְקָאֵי בְּדוּכְתָּא עַמִּיקְתָּא דִּכְתִיב מִמַּעֲמַקִּים קְרָאתִיךָ ה׳ וְקָאֵי בְּדוּכְתָּא צְנִיעָא וּמִכַּסֵּי בְּשַׂקָּא וּבָעֵי רַחֲמֵי וְאָתֵי מִיטְרָא כִּי הֲוָה אָתֵי לְבֵיתֵיהּ אָמְרִי לֵיהּ אַיְיתִי מָר עִיבוּרָא אֲמַר לְהוּ אָמֵינָא הוֹאִיל וַאֲתָא מִיטְרָא הַשְׁתָּא רָוַוח עָלְמָא
By contrast, the powerful men of Eretz Yisrael, such as Rabbi Yona, the father of Rabbi Mani, acted differently. When the world was in need of rain, he enters his house and say to his household: Give me my sack [gevalki] and I will go and buy myself a dinar of grain. When he went outside, he went and stood in a low place, as it is written: “Out of the depths I have called You, O Lord” (Psalms 130:1). And he would stand in a secluded place, and cover himself with sackcloth, and pray for mercy, and rain would come. When he would come home, they would say to him: Did the Master bring grain? He said to them: I said to myself, since rain has now come, there will be relief in the world and prices will soon go down. In this manner, he hid his greatness even from his own household.
Dr. Brene Brown:
- The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button.
- Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging
- Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.