Ki Tisa: The Wholeness of a Broken Heart

after the egel not only was there salvation, but hashem's schina was brought to them. Hashem lifted up my head says David Hamelech just as he lifted up the heads of Am Yisrael In Parshat KI TISA.

Midrash Tanchuma says not only did Hashem save us, but he gave us Himself, He gave us his Schina.

The Medresh Continues to tell us that every single year when we read Parshat Ki Tisa, about the giving of the shkalim in the Mishkan, this effect Haramat Harosh takes place again-- where God lifts up every head of Bnei Yisrael towards Him.

The Question is: What about this weeks parsha accomplishes that effect of lifting up our heads. What is it about Parshat Ki Tisa that lifts us close to God?

WE know that the Shkalim were used for two purposes: the Sockets that held up the entire foundation of the mishkan (the adamim) and to buy the Korbanot.

- Why these two things?

The way to figure out the meaning or message of an idea is to look at the bookends of it. If you look at the Torah and try to attempt to find its message we start with obviously the very beggining of the Torah- which is the story of Bereishit and then end of the torah which recalls the life of Moshe Rebbeinu.

The greatest thing that Moshe rebeinu ever did in his life- more than the makot, Kriyat Yam Suf, even Kabalas Hatorah-- was this act of breaking the luchot in front of the Jewish people. God agreed and said Yasher Koach to Moshe. The bookend of the entire torah and moshe's life -- the greatest pride moshe had in his life-- was him breaking the luchot in front of Am Yisrael.

Chazal say that Somehow, through what Moshe did that day, every Jew was able to see "Bereishit Bara Elokim", that through the breaking of the luchot we would always as Jews be able to come back to the beggining of the Torah and understand that God created the world. This says chazal, is the connection between the very first words of the chumash to the very last.

Moshe Rabbeinu did something to our eyes, changed our eyes in a way, that no matter what we would always be able to come back and see things correctly-- see that Bereishit Bara Elokim-- to see the truth and Godliness in this world.

shlomo Hamelech had us in mind when he said that there is nothing that can save my soul. where you go through something, or do something, and all you hear in the back of your head is that you are never going to recover from this. Theres no way to come back from what you just went through.

And so Moshe knew this, that the state in which the Jews were clearly in, where they felt no remorse, where they were at such a low point, he had to come up with something new, something different. Moshe decided to give the Jewish people a new heart.

This is a concept we know exists: Hashem tells the Jewish people in Yechezkel:

There is such a thing where a persons old heart gets totally shattered and broken like the luchot. that the heart that brought a person to the lowest of places gets broken. and in the split second that that heart breaks, all of the sudden that person is able to wake up from all the delusion and pain that they are in.

When Moshe threw the luchot off the mountain, just imagine what it was like: Everyone is dancing and partying, singing, and having the most amazing time around the Egel. And all the sudden Moshe slowly comes down from the mountain and in a split second heaves the luchot off the mountain-- and everything stops. Am Yisrael looks at the thousands of peices of theluchot on the floor and in a single moment all the desire and estrangement from God that lead them to build the Chet Haegel vanished.-- and all they were left with was a broken heart.

Because the second that the luchot were broken, every jewish heart was broken too. And the amazing thing about a broken Jewish Heart is what David Hamelech again tells us in Tehillim:

Because somehow, beautifully, the moment our hearts broke, God came near, and gave us a new one. He came to each and every Jew who felt broken and lost and granted them a new heart.

Am Yisrael felt absolutely disgusted with themselves, where there was nothing they felt they could do to be fixed. And so there was nothing greater that Moshe could have done than broke their hearts, allowed them to create a new opening to receive and build a new heart, and see themselves in an entirely new light again. An in one moment, that broken heart led them to be in a place with God where they literally could not be any closer.

We often ask God to litterally create- bara- a new heart and a new spirit. But the only way to create space for something new is for something to break in its place.

And so as the Kotker Rebbe Famously says, there is nothing more whole than a broken heart"

That is why this moment was the greatest moment in Moshe's life. Because now for the rest of history every Jew could not that no matter how low they ever felt about themselves, even in places where they felt that they just couldn't recover from-- there is always a Bereishit Bara Elokim on the other side--- an acknowledgment from the end of the torah back to the very beggining- that Hashem could create a new heart in the place of a broken one.

And now we are able to understand the reason why chazal tell us that in this week's Parsha "Ki Tisa", litterally translating to "when Hashem lifts up the heads of Bnei Yisrael"--- that we are told how every year when we read these psukim, Hashem is lifting our heads once again. Ki Tisa Et Roshei Bnei Yisraeal. Every year when we read this parsha, our heads are lifted by Hashem.

Because the idea of the Machazit Hashekel, is the idea of a broken heart as well. The idea of half a shekel, in the same way, is the idea that we don't feel whole. And so when we read this parsha, and read the pasuk of the Machazit hashekel, where we acknowledge that often we don't always feel completely put together- that Hashem starts out that very Parsha telling us that in that moment where we feel that, he is lifting up our heads.

And now we also understand why the Machazit Hashekel, which represent the broken heart, which represent the broken luchot, were used as the sockets to secure the literal foundation of the Mishkan. Because we know the idea of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh-- that each of our hearts is that Mishkan where Hashem's shchina is supposed to reside and live. And our hearts, and our mishkan, is held up with a foundation of the Macahazit Hashekel-- of a half coin, of a broken heart, because again, Karov hashem Lenishbrei Lev-- that Hashem comes near to a broken heart.

Lesson/Take Away: this idea does not only apply to the big sins or big pains that come in life although they happen often.

The idea also applies to those little things that we've maybe done over and over again, that have become such habits that we feel they've been ingrained into our luchot, or our hearts, and are simply unchangeable.

But this Parsha teaches us that mistakes big or small, or pains big or small, are absoutely fixable. That if we're able to acknowledge when we are not whole, when there is space to grow, where we maybe feel broken, that in that space and emptiness is where God comes close to us and provides us with a new heart and a new spirit to begin again.

May we read this week's parsha and let the words of chazal seep into us and understand that every year, because of Moshe Rabbeinu and the amazing act that he did of throwing the luchot, that this parsha is when "Ki Tisa et Rosh Bnei Yisrael" when Hashem litterally lifts each of the heads of Bnei Yisrael.

And so whatever we are going through, whatever emptiness or brokeness we feel, we should be able to understand that Hashem is close to us this Shabbos and ready to give us the opportunity to begin again and grow even when it feels like all hope is lost. Bracha to use this shabbos to learn where we feel broken, where we can improve, and the new heart and spirit come rushing in to make us better.