The Honor of Men and Violence Toward Women (a study of violence and its relationship to honour and masculine identity

(4) They had not yet lain down, when the townspeople, the men of Sodom, young and old—all the people to the last man—gathered about the house. (5) And they shouted to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may be intimate with them.” (6) So Lot went out to them to the entrance, shut the door behind him, (7) and said, “I beg you, my friends, do not commit such a wrong. (8) Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you please; but do not do anything to these men, since they have come under the shelter of my roof.” (9) But they said, “Stand back! The fellow,” they said, “came here as an alien, and already he acts the ruler! Now we will deal worse with you than with them.” And they pressed hard against the person of Lot, and moved forward to break the door. (10) But the men stretched out their hands and pulled Lot into the house with them, and shut the door.

(1) Now Dinah, the daughter whom Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the daughters of the land. (2) Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, chief of the country, saw her, and took her and lay with her by force. (3) Being strongly drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and in love with the maiden, he spoke to the maiden tenderly. (4) So Shechem said to his father Hamor, “Get me this girl as a wife.” (5) Jacob heard that he had defiled his daughter Dinah; but since his sons were in the field with his cattle, Jacob kept silent until they came home. (6) Then Shechem’s father Hamor came out to Jacob to speak to him. (7) Meanwhile Jacob’s sons, having heard the news, came in from the field. The men were distressed and very angry, because he had committed an outrage in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter—a thing not to be done. (8) And Hamor spoke with them, saying, “My son Shechem longs for your daughter. Please give her to him in marriage. (9) Intermarry with us: give your daughters to us, and take our daughters for yourselves:

(24) All who went out of the gate of his town heeded Hamor and his son Shechem, and all males, all those who went out of the gate of his town, were circumcised. (25) On the third day, when they were in pain, Simeon and Levi, two of Jacob’s sons, brothers of Dinah, took each his sword, came upon the city unmolested, and slew all the males. (26) They put Hamor and his son Shechem to the sword, took Dinah out of Shechem’s house, and went away. (27) The other sons of Jacob came upon the slain and plundered the town, because their sister had been defiled. (28) They seized their flocks and herds and asses, all that was inside the town and outside; (29) all their wealth, all their children, and their wives, all that was in the houses, they took as captives and booty. (30) Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious among the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites and the Perizzites; my men are few in number, so that if they unite against me and attack me, I and my house will be destroyed.”

(22) Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence.

(11) Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him their commander and chief. And Jephthah repeated all these terms before the LORD at Mizpah. (12) Jephthah then sent messengers to the king of the Ammonites, saying, “What have you against me that you have come to make war on my country?” (13) The king of the Ammonites replied to Jephthah’s messengers, “When Israel came from Egypt, they seized the land which is mine, from the Arnon to the Jabbok as far as the Jordan. Now, then, restore it peaceably.”

(30) And Jephthah made the following vow to the LORD: “If you deliver the Ammonites into my hands, (31) then whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me on my safe return from the Ammonites shall be the LORD’s and shall be offered by me as a burnt offering.” (32) Jephthah crossed over to the Ammonites and attacked them, and the LORD delivered them into his hands. (33) He utterly routed them—from Aroer as far as Minnith, twenty towns—all the way to Abel-cheramim. So the Ammonites submitted to the Israelites. (34) When Jephthah arrived at his home in Mizpah, there was his daughter coming out to meet him, with timbrel and dance! She was an only child; he had no other son or daughter. (35) On seeing her, he rent his clothes and said, “Alas, daughter! You have brought me low; you have become my troubler! For I have uttered a vow to the LORD and I cannot retract.” (36) “Father,” she said, “you have uttered a vow to the LORD; do to me as you have vowed, seeing that the LORD has vindicated you against your enemies, the Ammonites.”

(10) Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food inside and feed me.” Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them to her brother inside. (11) But when she served them to him, he caught hold of her and said to her, “Come lie with me, sister.” (12) But she said to him, “Don’t, brother. Don’t force me. Such things are not done in Israel! Don’t do such a vile thing! (13) Where will I carry my shame? And you, you will be like any of the scoundrels in Israel! Please, speak to the king; he will not refuse me to you.” (14) But he would not listen to her; he overpowered her and lay with her by force. (15) Then Amnon felt a very great loathing for her; indeed, his loathing for her was greater than the passion he had felt for her. And Amnon said to her, “Get out!” (16) She pleaded with him, “Please don’t commit this wrong; to send me away would be even worse than the first wrong you committed against me.” But he would not listen to her. (17) He summoned his young attendant and said, “Get that woman out of my presence, and bar the door behind her.”— (18) She was wearing an ornamented tunic, for maiden princesses were customarily dressed in such garments.—His attendant took her outside and barred the door after her. (19) Tamar put dust on her head and rent the ornamented tunic she was wearing; she put her hands on her head, and walked away, screaming loudly as she went. (20) Her brother Absalom said to her, “Was it your brother Amnon who did this to you? For the present, sister, keep quiet about it; he is your brother. Don’t brood over the matter.” And Tamar remained in her brother Absalom’s house, forlorn. (21) When King David heard about all this, he was greatly upset. (22) Absalom didn’t utter a word to Amnon, good or bad; but Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

(30) They were still on the road when a rumor reached David that Absalom had killed all the princes, and that not one of them had survived. (31) At this, David rent his garment and lay down on the ground, and all his courtiers stood by with their clothes rent. (32) But Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimah, said, “My lord must not think that all the young princes have been killed. Only Amnon is dead; for this has been decided by Absalom ever since his sister Tamar was violated. (33) So my lord the king must not think for a moment that all the princes are dead; Amnon alone is dead.”

And Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: David’s daughter Tamar was the daughter of a beautiful woman taken captive in war and was born before her mother converted. Therefore, Tamar was not considered the daughter of David according to halakha. The proof of this is in what she said to Amnon, son of David, as it is stated: “Now, therefore, speak, please, to the king, for he will not withhold me from you” (II Samuel 13:13). And if it enters your mind to say that she was the daughter of a woman David married, would David have permitted Amnon’s sister to him as a wife? Rather, learn from this verse that she was the daughter of a beautiful woman who converted after Tamar was born, so halakhically Tamar was not a daughter of David. The Gemara continues to interpret the story of Amnon and Tamar. The verse states: “And Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, son of Shimeah, David’s brother, and Jonadab was a very wise man” (II Samuel 13:3). Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: A wise man for wickedness. The verse recounts Jonadab’s words to Amnon: “And he said to him: Why, son of the king, are you so becoming leaner from day to day…and Jonadab said to him: Lie on your bed and feign illness, and when your father comes to see you, say to him: Let my sister Tamar come, please, and give me bread, and she should dress the food in my sight…And she took the pan and poured them out before him” (II Samuel 13:4–5, 9). Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: This means that Tamar prepared various kinds of fried [tiggun] food for Amnon. At the end of the story, the verse states: “Then Amnon hated her with exceeding, great hatred, for greater was the hatred with which he hated her than the love with which he had loved her” (II Samuel 13:15). The Gemara asks: What is the reason for Amnon’s intense hatred? Rabbi Yitzḥak says: While he raped her, a hair [nima] of hers became tied around his penis and caused him to be one whose penis has been severed. The Gemara asks: But if the hair became tied around his penis, what did she do? Why would Amnon hold this against her? Rather, say that she intentionally tied a hair around his penis during intercourse, and she made him one whose penis has been severed in order to take revenge on him, and for this he hated her.

The Gemara challenges this: Is that so? But didn’t Rava interpret a verse homiletically: What is the meaning of that which is written: “And your renown went forth among the nations about your beauty” (Ezekiel 16:14)? This teaches that Jewish women do not have armpit hair or pubic hair. Therefore, Tamar would have had no hair to injure Amnon in that way. The Gemara responds: Tamar is different, as she was the daughter of a beautiful woman, who was a gentile. The verse relates that after Amnon raped her: “And Tamar put ashes on her head and rent her garment of many colors that was on her” (II Samuel 13:19). The Sages taught in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korḥa: Tamar established a great fence at that time by way of her public outcry, as people said: If such an occurrence could happen to the daughters of kings, all the more so could it happen to the daughters of ordinary people. If such an occurrence could happen to modest women like Tamar, who resisted, all the more so could it happen to licentious women. Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: At that time they decreed

for this matter too, marrying the woman against his will, let them be derived from each other. Rav Ashi replied that the verse says with regard to a seducer: “He shall pay a dowry for her to be a wife to him” (Exodus 22:15); “to him” means in accordance with his will. § The mishna continues: How does the rapist drink from his vessel? The mishna proceeds to explain that he is obligated to marry her despite the physical flaws she might have. However, if the marriage is prohibited, either due to the fact that she committed adultery or due to her flawed lineage, he is not obligated to marry her, and therefore he may not marry her. Rav Kahana said: I stated this halakha before Rav Zevid of Neharde’a, and I asked him: Let the positive mitzva: “And to him she shall be as a wife” (Deuteronomy 22:29), come and override the prohibition of marriage to a woman who is forbidden to him, according to the principle that positive mitzvot override prohibitions. He said to me: Where do we say the principle that a positive mitzva comes and overrides a prohibition? It is in a case where one performs circumcision of a foreskin afflicted with leprosy. Although there is a prohibition against removing leprous skin, the positive mitzva of circumcision overrides that prohibition, as it is not possible to fulfill the positive mitzva without violating the prohibition. However, here, in the case of the rapist, if she says: I do not want him as a husband, is there a positive mitzva at all? Since in that case the mitzva need not be performed, as it is negated when the woman refuses to marry him, it does not override the prohibition. MISHNA: With regard to an orphan who was betrothed and divorced, Rabbi Elazar says: One who rapes her is obligated to pay the fine, as she is a virgin young woman, and one who seduces her is exempt from payment. Because she is an orphan, or because she was betrothed and divorced, she is independent, and by consenting to the seduction she forgoes her right to the fine. GEMARA: Rabba bar bar Ḥana said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Rabbi Elazar stated his opinion in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Akiva, his teacher, as with regard to a young woman who was betrothed and divorced and then raped, Rabbi Akiva said in an earlier mishna: She is entitled to a fine for rape and her fine is paid to her. Rabbi Yosei HaGelili says: She is not entitled to a fine for rape. And from where do we know that Rabbi Elazar’s opinion corresponds to the opinion of his teacher? From the fact that the mishna teaches with regard to an orphan that Rabbi Elazar says: One who rapes her is obligated to pay the fine and one who seduces her is exempt from payment. The Gemara asks: An orphan? That is obvious, as she has no father and is not subject to the authority of anyone else. Clearly the seducer is exempt from payment because she was complicit. Rather, this is what the mishna is teaching us: That the legal status of a young woman who was betrothed and divorced, even if her father is alive, is like that of an orphan: Just as with regard to an orphan, payment of the fine is to her, so too, with regard to a young woman who was betrothed and divorced, payment of the fine is to her. Rabbi Zeira said that Rabba bar Sheila said that Rav Hamnuna the Elder said that Rav Adda bar Ahava said that Rav said: The halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Elazar. Rav would exclaim about Rabbi Elazar: He is the happiest of the Sages, as he held that the halakha was ruled in accordance with his opinion in many instances. MISHNA: What is humiliation? How is the payment for humiliation during rape or seduction assessed? It is all based on the one who humiliated and the one who was humiliated. The price will vary depending on the lineage of the family of the rape victim and the nature of the attacker. How is her degradation assessed? One considers her as though she were a maidservant sold in the marketplace, and assesses how much she was worth beforehand and how much she is currently worth, after the rape or seduction. The sum of the fine is equal for all people, and the principle is: Any payment that has a fixed sum by Torah law is equal for all people, regardless of the lineage and the physical state of the attacker or the victim. GEMARA: The Gemara asks: And say that the Merciful One said that the payment is fifty sela from all these matters, i.e., the fine, degradation, humiliation, and pain. Rabbi Zeira said: That cannot be, as they will say: If one who engaged in forced intercourse with a daughter of kings pays a sum of fifty sela, does one who engaged in forced intercourse with the daughter of commoners [hedyotot] also pay fifty sela? Abaye said to him: This is not a decisive argument, as if so, with regard to a Canaanite slave killed by an ox, the Torah says that the owner of the ox pays the master of the slave thirty sela. There too, they will say: For a slave who pierces precious pearls [margaliyyot], a valuable skill, the fine is thirty sela, and for a slave who performs

MISHNA: One who injures another is liable to pay compensation for that injury due to five types of indemnity: He must pay for damage, for pain, for medical costs, for loss of livelihood, and for humiliation.

How is payment for humiliation assessed? It all depends on the stature of the one who humiliates the other and the one who is humiliated.

§ The mishna continues: The rapist gives payment immediately, and the seducer when he releases her, etc. The Gemara asks: When he releases her? Is she his wife? He did not yet marry her, so how can the mishna use the language of divorce? Abaye said: Say that he gives payment when he opts not to marry her. If he marries her he need not pay. That opinion was also taught in a baraita: Although they said that the seducer gives the fine when he opts not to marry her, the compensation for her humiliation and degradation he gives immediately. The baraita continues: Although both the rapist and the seducer are obligated to marry their victim, both she and her father are able to prevent the marriage.

(28) If a man comes upon a virgin who is not engaged and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are discovered, (29) the man who lay with her shall pay the girl’s father fifty [shekels of] silver, and she shall be his wife. Because he has violated her, he can never have the right to divorce her.

and honor: The bad honor is [practiced by] the one who gets honor from people in order to impose his fear upon them and 'he strikes terror into the land of the living.' And what is his reward? That he will descend into the depths of the pit in Gehinnom, [such] that there is no ascent form his fall for [all] generations. And because of this the prophet Yechezkel compares the fall of the kings of the nations in Gehinnom to the one who 'strikes terror into the land of the living,' to say that they have no ascent, as it is stated (Ezekiel 32:32), "I strike My terror into the land of the living; and lay among the uncircumcised those who were the casualties of the sword." And the second [way] of honor is the one who wants that people should honor him, as he thinks that he is fit for this honor - but he is not. Even if he is a Torah scholar and a master of commandments and his will is that they honor him for this, he is 'sinning with his soul' - unless his intention is for the sake of Heaven, and if it is only for the honor of the Torah that he is [seeking it] and he does not take it for himself and does not enjoy it, but it is only in order to have the Torah honored about (through) this, as we have written. However all other things regarding honor are very bad. And how much did the Torah warn and forbid it to them! As even with a king of Israel about whom it stated (Deuteronomy 17:15), "Surely place a king upon you" - that you should put his fear upon you (Ketuvot 17a) - and [so] he is fit for honor more than all of the creatures under the skies, nonetheless it still warns him that he should not raise his heart over his brothers. All the more so should commoners not desire honor at all.

drive a man from the world: As these three traits are in the category of major sins. Another explanation: "drive a man from the world" - envy, as it is stated (Proverbs 14:30), and rot to the bones is envy"; lust, as it is stated (Proverbs 21:25), "The lust of a lazy man kills him"; and honor, as we have found with Yosef who died twelve years before his brothers, because he comported himself with lordship (Berakhot 55a).

(18) He replied, “We are traveling from Bethlehem in Judah to the other end of the hill country of Ephraim. That is where I live. I made a journey to Bethlehem of Judah, and now I am on my way to the House of the LORD, and nobody has taken me indoors. (19) We have both bruised straw and feed for our donkeys, and bread and wine for me and your handmaid, and for the attendant with your servants. We lack nothing.” (20) “Rest easy,” said the old man. “Let me take care of all your needs. Do not on any account spend the night in the square.” (21) And he took him into his house. He mixed fodder for the donkeys; then they bathed their feet and ate and drank. (22) While they were enjoying themselves, the men of the town, a depraved lot, had gathered about the house and were pounding on the door. They called to the aged owner of the house, “Bring out the man who has come into your house, so that we can be intimate with him.” (23) The owner of the house went out and said to them, “Please, my friends, do not commit such a wrong. Since this man has entered my house, do not perpetrate this outrage. (24) Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. Let me bring them out to you. Have your pleasure of them, do what you like with them; but don’t do that outrageous thing to this man.” (25) But the men would not listen to him, so the man seized his concubine and pushed her out to them. They raped her and abused her all night long until morning; and they let her go when dawn broke. (26) Toward morning the woman came back; and as it was growing light, she collapsed at the entrance of the man’s house where her husband was. (27) When her husband arose in the morning, he opened the doors of the house and went out to continue his journey; and there was the woman, his concubine, lying at the entrance of the house, with her hands on the threshold. (28) “Get up,” he said to her, “let us go.” But there was no reply. So the man placed her on the donkey and set out for home. (29) When he came home, he picked up a knife, and took hold of his concubine and cut her up limb by limb into twelve parts. He sent them throughout the territory of Israel. (30) And everyone who saw it cried out, “Never has such a thing happened or been seen from the day the Israelites came out of the land of Egypt to this day! Put your mind to this; take counsel and decide.”