Save "Values & Virtues #3: Justice & Honor"
Values & Virtues #3: Justice & Honor

(יז) רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲזַרְיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין תּוֹרָה, אֵין דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ. אִם אֵין דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ, אֵין תּוֹרָה. אִם אֵין חָכְמָה, אֵין יִרְאָה. אִם אֵין יִרְאָה, אֵין חָכְמָה. אִם אֵין בִּינָה, אֵין דַּעַת. אִם אֵין דַּעַת, אֵין בִּינָה. אִם אֵין קֶמַח, אֵין תּוֹרָה. אִם אֵין תּוֹרָה, אֵין קֶמַח.

(17) Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah says: If there is no Torah, there is no derech eretz; if there is derech eretz, there is no Torah. If there is no wisdom, there is no fear; if there is no fear, there is no wisdom. If there is no understanding, there is no knowledge; if there is no knowledge, there is no understanding. If there is no flour, there is no Torah; if there is no Torah, there is no flour.

We have found righteous and upstanding individuals who will readily sacrifice themselves for the slightest detail and nuance of mitzvot bein adam le-Makom, but when it comes to interpersonal relationships they are extremely lenient, for not everyone is capable of foregoing [what they feel is] their full share. (Chatam Sofer, Derashot, p. 245)
ואמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא מאי דכתיב (דברים יג, ה) אחרי ה' אלהיכם תלכו וכי אפשר לו לאדם להלך אחר שכינה והלא כבר נאמר (דברים ד, כד) כי ה' אלהיך אש אוכלה הוא אלא להלך אחר מדותיו של הקב"ה מה הוא מלביש ערומים דכתיב (בראשית ג, כא) ויעש ה' אלהים לאדם ולאשתו כתנות עור וילבישם אף אתה הלבש ערומים הקב"ה ביקר חולים דכתיב (בראשית יח, א) וירא אליו ה' באלוני ממרא אף אתה בקר חולים הקב"ה ניחם אבלים דכתיב (בראשית כה, יא) ויהי אחרי מות אברהם ויברך אלהים את יצחק בנו אף אתה נחם אבלים הקב"ה קבר מתים דכתיב (דברים לד, ו) ויקבר אותו בגיא אף אתה קבור מתים

And Rabbi Chama the son of Rabbi Chanina said, "What is the meaning of the verse, 'After Hashem, your G-d, shall you walk (Deuteronomy 13:5)'? Is it possible for a man to walk after the divine presence? And isn't it already stated, 'For Hashem your G-d is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24)'? Rather, To follow the character traits of G-d. "Just as he clothes the naked, as it is written, 'And the Lord G-d made for Adam and his wife cloaks of leather, and he clothed them (Genesis 3:21);' so too you shall clothe the naked. The Holy One, Blessed be He, visited the sick, as it is written, 'And he appeared in Ailonei Mamrei [while Abraam was in pain] (Genesis 18:1);' so too you shall visit the sick. The Holy One, Blessed be He, comforted mourners, as it is written, 'And it was, after the death of Abraham, and G-d blessed his son Isaac (Genesis 25:11);' so too you shall comfort mourners. The Holy One, Blessed be He, buried the dead, as it is written, 'And he buried him in the valley (Deuteronomy 34:6);' so too, you shall bury the dead."

R' Samson Raphael Hirsch on Shmot 18:20
"Dereck"["way"] is always the way to a goal. The endeavor to accomplish a purpose in the sphere of one's life's work indicates, as a rule, one's activities in earning and making profit, on the honesty and purity of which the purity of one's morality depends. Here, the teaching on this point is taken to be: "[And you] shall show them," that this activity for our own livelihood and well-being, which is usually so concentrated on ourselves, must not only include benevolent care for the well-being of our fellow-men, but that this benevolent care is quite specially the real purpose of our working for ourselves; yea, they are to be so overflowing with this brotherly love that they perform acts of love even at the risk of their own existence, and at the expense of their own prestige.

ת"ר בשלשה דברים גדולה גמילות חסדים יותר מן הצדקה צדקה בממונו גמילות חסדים בין בגופו בין בממונו צדקה לעניים גמילות חסדים בין לעניים בין לעשירים צדקה לחיים גמילות חסדים בין לחיים בין למתים

Our rabbis taught: In three respects gemilut hasadim is superior to charity: charity can be done only with one’s money, but gemilut hasadim can be done with one’s person and one’s money. Charity can be given only to the poor, but gemilut hasadim both to the rich and the poor. Charity can be given to the living only, gemilut hasadim can be done both to the living and to the dead.
רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל בְּנוֹ שֶׁל רַבִּי יְהוּדָה הַנָּשִׂיא אוֹמֵר, יָפֶה תַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה עִם דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ, שֶׁיְּגִיעַת שְׁנֵיהֶם מְשַׁכַּחַת עָוֹן. וְכָל תּוֹרָה שֶׁאֵין עִמָּהּ מְלָאכָה, סוֹפָהּ בְּטֵלָה וְגוֹרֶרֶת עָוֹן. וְכָל הָעֲמֵלִים עִם הַצִּבּוּר, יִהְיוּ עֲמֵלִים עִמָּהֶם לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, שֶׁזְּכוּת אֲבוֹתָם מְסַיַּעְתָּן וְצִדְקָתָם עוֹמֶדֶת לָעַד. וְאַתֶּם, מַעֲלֶה אֲנִי עֲלֵיכֶם שָׂכָר הַרְבֵּה כְּאִלּוּ עֲשִׂיתֶם:
Rabban Gamaliel the son of Rabbi Judah Hanasi said: excellent is the study of the Torah when combined with a worldly occupation, for toil in them both keeps sin out of one’s mind; But [study of the] Torah which is not combined with a worldly occupation, in the end comes to be neglected and becomes the cause of sin. And all who labor with the community, should labor with them for the sake Heaven, for the merit of their forefathers sustains them (the community), and their (the forefather’s) righteousness endures for ever; And as for you, [God in such case says] I credit you with a rich reward, as if you [yourselves] had [actually] accomplished [it all].
שימתין קושרין את הלחי לא שיעלה אלא שלא יוסיף וכן קורה שנשברה סומכין אותה בספסל או בארוכות המטה לא שתעלה אלא שלא תוסיף: גמ׳ והאמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל מעשה בתלמידו של רבי מאיר שנכנס אחריו לבית המרחץ ביקש להדיח קרקע אמר לו אין מדיחין לסוך קרקע אמר לו אין סכין קרקע בקרקע מחלפא מת בקרקע לא מיחלף כל לאתויי מאי לאתויי הא דתנו רבנן מביאין כלי מיקר וכלי מתכות ומניחין על כריסו כדי שלא תפוח ופוקקין את נקביו כדי שלא תיכנס בהן הרוח ואף שלמה אמר בחכמתו עד שלא ירתק חבל הכסף זה חוט השדרה ותרוץ גולת הזהב זה אמה ותשבר כד על המבוע זה הכרס ונרוץ הגלגל אל הבור זה פרש וכן הוא אומר וזריתי פרש על פניכם פרש חגיכם אמר רב הונא ואמרי לה אמר רב חגא אלו בני אדם שמניחין דברי תורה ועושין כל ימיהם כחגים אמר רבי לוי אמר רב פפי אמר רבי יהושע לאחר שלשה ימים כריסו נבקעת ונופלת לו על פניו ואומרת לו טול מה שנתת בי: מתני׳ אין מעצמין את המת בשבת ולא בחול עם יציאת נפש והמעצים עם יציאת הנפש הרי זה שופך דמים: גמ׳ תנו רבנן המעצמו עם יציאת הנפש הרי זה שופך דמים משל לנר שכבה והולכת אדם מניח אצבעו עליה מיד כבתה תניא רבן שמעון בן גמליאל אומר הרוצה שיתעצמו עיניו של מת נופח לו יין בחוטמו ונותן שמן בין ריסי עיניו ואוחז בשני גודלי רגליו והן מתעצמין מאליהן תניא רבן שמעון בן גמליאל אומר תינוק בן יומו חי מחללין עליו את השבת דוד מלך ישראל מת אין מחללין עליו את השבת תינוק בן יומו חי מחללין עליו את השבת אמרה תורה חלל עליו שבת אחד כדי שישמור שבתות הרבה דוד מלך ישראל מת אין מחללין עליו כיון שמת אדם בטל מן המצות והיינו דאמר רבי יוחנן במתים חפשי כיון שמת אדם נעשה חפשי מן המצות ותניא רבי שמעון בן אלעזר אומר תינוק בן יומו חי אין צריך לשומרו מן החולדה ומן העכברים אבל עוג מלך הבשן מת צריך לשומרו מן החולדה ומן העכברים שנאמר ומוראכם וחתכם יהיה כל זמן שאדם חי אימתו מוטלת על הבריות כיון שמת בטלה אימתו אמר רב פפא נקיטינן אריה אבי תרי לא נפיל הא קא חזינן דנפיל ההוא כדרמי בר אבא דאמר רמי בר אבא אין חיה שולטת באדם עד שנדמה לו כבהמה שנאמר אדם ביקר בל ילין נמשל כבהמות נדמו אמר רבי חנינא אסור לישן בבית יחידי וכל הישן בבית יחידי אחזתו לילית ותניא רבי שמעון בן אלעזר אומר עשה עד שאתה מוצא ומצוי לך ועודך בידך ואף שלמה אמר בחכמתו וזכור את בוראיך בימי בחורותיך עד [אשר] (ש) לא יבאו ימי הרעה אלו ימי הזקנה והגיעו שנים אשר תאמר אין לי בהם חפץ אלו ימי המשיח שאין בהם לא זכות ולא חובה ופליגא דשמואל דאמר שמואל אין בין העולם הזה לימות המשיח אלא שיעבוד מלכיות בלבד שנאמר כי לא יחדל אביון מקרב הארץ תניא רבי אלעזר הקפר אומר לעולם יבקש אדם רחמים על מדה זו שאם הוא לא בא בא בנו ואם בנו לא בא בן בנו בא שנאמר כי בגלל הדבר הזה תנא דבי רבי ישמעאל גלגל הוא שחוזר בעולם אמר רב יוסף נקיטינן האי צורבא מרבנן לא מיעני והא קא חזינן דמיעני אם איתא דמיעני אהדורי אפתחא לא מיהדר אמר לה רבי חייא לדביתהו כי אתי עניא אקדימי ליה ריפתא כי היכי דלקדמו לבניך אמרה ליה מילט קא לייטת להו אמר לה קרא קא כתיב כי בגלל הדבר הזה ותנא דבי רבי ישמעאל גלגל הוא שחוזר בעולם תניא רבי גמליאל ברבי אומר ונתן לך רחמים ורחמך והרבך כל המרחם על הבריות מרחמין עליו מן השמים וכל שאינו מרחם על הבריות אין מרחמין עליו מן השמים עד אשר לא תחשך השמש והאור זו פדחת והחוטם והירח זו נשמה והכוכבים אלו הלסתות ושבו העבים אחר הגשם זו מאור עיניו של אדם שהולך אחר הבכי אמר שמואל האי דמעתא עד ארבעין שנין הדרא מכאן ואילך לא הדרא ואמר רב נחמן האי כוחלא עד ארבעין שנין מרווח מכאן ואילך אפילו מליא כאביסנא דגירדאי אוקומי מוקים ארווחי לא מרווח מאי קא משמע לן דכמה דאלים מכוחלא טפי מעלי רבי חנינא שכיבא ליה ברתיה לא הוה קא בכי עלה אמרה ליה דביתהו תרנגולתא אפיקת מביתך אמר לה תרתי תכלא ועיורא סבר לה כי הא דאמר רבי יוחנן משום רבי יוסי בן קצרתה שש דמעות הן שלש יפות ושלש רעות של עשן ושל בכי
to delay its decomposition. Similarly, one may tie the jaw of a corpse that is in the process of opening. One may not move it directly so that it will rise back to its original position, but so that it will not continue to open. And similarly, if one has a roof beam that has broken on Shabbat, one may support it with a bench or with long poles from a bed. One may not move it so that the beam will rise back to its original place, but so that it will not continue to fall. GEMARA: The Gemara questions the mishna’s lenient ruling with regard to smearing oil on a corpse: But didn’t Rav Yehuda say that Shmuel said: There was an incident with a student of Rabbi Meir who followed him into the bathhouse on Shabbat. The student wanted to rinse the ground. Rabbi Meir said to him: One may not rinse on Shabbat. The student wanted to smear the ground with oil. Rabbi Meir said to him: One may not smear on Shabbat. This indicates that it is prohibited to rinse or smear anything that may not be moved on Shabbat. The Gemara responds: The ground in one place can be confused with the ground in another place, and the Sages therefore prohibited these activities even on a tiled floor, such as that of a bathhouse, due to a concern that one may come to do so on a dirt floor and smooth it out. However, a corpse cannot be confused with the ground, and it is therefore permitted to rinse a corpse and smear it with oil. We learned in the mishna that one may attend to all the needs of the dead on Shabbat. The Gemara asks: What does the word all include in the mishna’s ruling that one may have thought is not included? The Gemara answers: It is meant to include that which the Sages taught: One may bring cold vessels and metal vessels and place them on the corpse’s stomach so that it does not swell. And one may seal up its orifices so that air will not enter them and cause swelling. And King Solomon also said in his wisdom with regard to old age and death: “Before the silver cord is snapped asunder, and the golden bowl is shattered, and the pitcher is broken at the fountain, and the wheel falls, shattered, into the pit” (Ecclesiastes 12:6), which the Gemara explains as follows: “Before the silver cord is snapped asunder”; this is a reference to the spinal cord. “And the golden bowl [gullat] is shattered”; this is a reference to the member, which is like a spring of water [gulla]. “And the pitcher is broken at the fountain”; this is a reference to the stomach, which looks like a pitcher that swells and ruptures. “And the wheel [galgal] falls, shattered, into the pit”; this is a reference to excrement [gelalim]. And similarly, it says in the verse: “And I will spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your Festival offerings” (Malachi 2:3). Rav Huna said, and some say that it was Rav Ḥagga who said: This verse is referring to those people who neglect the words of the Torah and turn all of their days into Festivals. Rabbi Levi said that Rav Pappi said that Rabbi Yehoshua said: Three days after death, the stomach of the dead bursts and falls onto his face and says to him: Take what you have put inside me. MISHNA: One may not shut the eyes of the dead on Shabbat because the body is set-aside. And one may not shut the eyes even on a weekday while the soul departs. One must wait until the person has died. And one who shuts the eyes while the soul departs is a murderer because he has hastened the person’s death. GEMARA: The Sages taught: One who shuts a person’s eyes while the soul departs is a murderer. This is analogous to a lamp that is gradually becoming extinguished but could continue to burn a little longer. If a person places his finger on it, it is immediately extinguished. It was taught in a baraita that Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: One who wants the eyes of a corpse to close should blow wine up its nose, and place oil between its eyelids, and grab hold of its two big toes, and its eyes will shut by themselves. Incidental to the Gemara’s discussion of corpses, it cites that which was taught in a baraita: Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: For a living day-old baby, one desecrates Shabbat to save his life. Yet for the deceased David, king of Israel, one does not desecrate Shabbat. For a day-old baby we desecrate Shabbat because the Torah says: Desecrate one Shabbat for him so that he can observe many Shabbatot. But for the deceased David, king of Israel, one does not desecrate Shabbat, as once a person dies he is idle from mitzvot. And this is what Rabbi Yoḥanan said with regard to the verse: “Set apart among the dead [bametim ḥofshi], like the slain that lie in the grave, whom You remember no more” (Psalms 88:6). Once a person dies, he becomes free [ḥofshi] from the mitzvot. And it was also taught in a baraita that Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar said: It is not necessary to protect a live day-old baby from a weasel or from mice, for they run away from the baby. But if Og, the king of Bashan, is dead, it is necessary to protect even him from a weasel or from mice, as it is stated: “And the fear of you and the dread of you [ḥittekhem] shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every bird of the heavens” (Genesis 9:2). The Gemara explains: As long as a person is alive [ḥai], he is feared by the animals. Once he dies, he is no longer feared. Rav Pappa said: We hold that a lion does not pounce upon two people. The Gemara challenges this: But how can that be? We see that it does pounce upon two people. The Gemara answers: That statement of Rav Pappa must be in accordance with that which Rami bar Abba said: An animal does not overpower a person until he appears to it as an animal, as it is stated: “But man does not abide in honor, he is like the beasts that perish” (Psalms 49:13). However, animals do not attack people who are human in their spiritual character. In a similar vein, Rabbi Ḥanina said: It is prohibited to sleep alone in a house, and anyone who sleeps alone in a house will be seized by the evil spirit Lilith. It was also taught in a baraita with regard to the appreciation of life: Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says: Perform mitzvot while you still find opportunities, and you have the financial means, and you are still under your own control. And King Solomon also said, in his wisdom: “And remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years arrive when you will say: I have no desire for them” (Ecclesiastes 12:1). Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar explains: “The evil days”; these are the days of old age. “And the years arrive when you will say: I have no desire for them”; these are the days of Messiah, in which there is neither merit nor liability. The Gemara comments that this explanation disagrees with the view of Shmuel, for Shmuel said: There is no difference between this world and the days of Messiah except for subjugation to foreign kingdoms alone, from which we will be released in the Messianic era, as it is stated: “For the poor will never cease from the land, therefore I command you, saying: You shall surely open your hand to your brother, to your poor and your needy in your land.” (Deuteronomy 15:11). This indicates that the ways of the world, including the existence of wealthy and poor socioeconomic strata, will continue forever. It was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Elazar HaKappar says: A person should always request divine mercy with regard to this condition of poverty, for if he does not come to a state of poverty, his son will, and if his son does not come to such a state his grandson will, as it is stated: “You shall surely give him and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, for due to this thing [biglal hadavar hazeh] the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you put your hand toward” (Deuteronomy 15:10). With regard to this verse, the tanna from the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: Due to [biglal] this thing means that it is a wheel [galgal] that turns in the world, upon which people continuously rise and fall. Rav Yosef said: We hold that a Torah scholar will not become poor. The Gemara challenges this statement: But we see that they do become poor. The Gemara answers: Even so, if there is a Torah scholar who becomes poor, he will still never have to go around asking for charity at people’s doors. In a similar vein, the Gemara relates that Rabbi Ḥiyya said to his wife: When a poor person comes to the house, be quick to give him bread so that they will be quick to give bread to your children. She said to him: Are you cursing them, your children? He said to her: It is a verse that is written, as it says: “Due to this thing,” and the Sages expounded that it is a wheel that continuously turns in the world. Similarly, it was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Gamliel, son of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, says: The verse that states: “And He will show you mercy and have compassion on you and multiply you” (Deuteronomy 13:18) teaches us that anyone who has compassion for God’s creatures will receive compassion from Heaven, and anyone who does not have compassion for God’s creatures will not receive compassion from Heaven. The Gemara returns to verses from Ecclesiastes that relate to death and old age. It is written: “Before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars are darkened, and the clouds return after the rain” (Ecclesiastes 12:2). The Sages taught: “The sun and the light”; this is referring to the forehead and the nose which stick out from a person’s face. “And the moon”; this is referring to the soul, which shines within a person. “And the stars”; these are the cheeks. “And the clouds return after the rain”; this is the light of a person’s eyes, which goes and dwindles after one cries as if it were covered by clouds. Shmuel said: With regard to the tear that a person cries, until one reaches the age of forty years, one’s vision returns and is not harmed. From here on, once a person reaches the age of forty, it does not return, and every time a person cries his vision is weakened. And similarly, Rav Naḥman said: With regard to medicinal eye shadow, until one reaches the age of forty years, it enhances his eyesight. From here and on, even if one fills it as thick as a weaver’s pin [avisana degirda’ei], it will maintain his eyesight but it will not enhance it. The Gemara asks about this: What is he teaching us with the example of a weaver’s pin? The Gemara answers: Generally speaking, the more eye shadow one applies, the more beneficial it is. The Gemara relates a story: When Rabbi Ḥanina’s daughter died, he did not cry over her. His wife said to him: Have you merely let a chicken out of your house, that you do not show any signs of sorrow? He said to her: If I cry, I will suffer twice, from bereavement and from blindness. The Gemara explains: He held in accordance with the statement that Rabbi Yoḥanan said in the name of Rabbi Yosei ben Ketzarta: There are six types of tears, three of which are good for the eyes and three of which are bad. Tears that come from smoke, and from crying out of sorrow,
Rav Soloveitchik, Kol Dodi Dofek
Job! You gave much charity. You did not hesitate to offer assistance ‎and support to others, and you stood by them in their hour of distress.
However, as a man blessed with a ‎good heart, you may have momentarily pitied the orphan. You had vast amounts of money and ‎you wanted for nothing, hence you gave a respectable amount of tzedakah [charity].
However, loving-kindness demands more than a momentary tear and a cold coin. Loving-kindness means ‎empathizing with one’s fellow man, identifying with his hurt and feeling responsibility for his fate.
Rabbi Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz. “Who will be our rabbis?” Times of Israel 27 December 2013.
What, then, is a true Jewish leader? The Torah (Numbers 1:15) calls the leaders “the heads of the thousands of Israel.” This defines their essence. The Torah is thus telling us that a true leader is like a head. The head is the part of the body that knows what is happening in all of the other organs, and feels the pain of each and every one of them. Similarly, the leader is supposed to sense the problems and feel the pains of everyone.

: כשהיה משה רבינו עליו השלום רועה צאנו של יתרו במדבר, ברח ממנו גדי ורץ אחריו, עד שהגיע לחסית, כיון שהגיע לחסית, נזדמנה לו בריכה של מים ועמד הגדי לשתות, כיון שהגיע משה אצלו, אמר: אני לא הייתי יודע שרץ היית מפני צמא, עיף אתה, הרכיבו על כתיפו והיה מהלך. אמר הקדוש ברוך הוא: יש לך רחמים לנהוג צאנו של בשר ודם, כך, חייך! אתה תרעה צאני ישראל. הוי, ומשה היה רועה:

(2) ... Our teachers have said: Once, while Moses our Teacher was tending [his father-in-law] Yitro’s sheep, one of the sheep ran away. Moses ran after it until it reached a small, shaded place. There, the lamb came across a pool and began to drink. As Moses approached the lamb, he said, “I did not know you ran away because you were thirsty. You are so exhausted!” He then put the lamb on his shoulders and carried him back. The Holy One said, “Since you tend the sheep of human beings with such overwhelming love - by your life, I swear you shall be the shepherd of My sheep, Israel.”

Rabbi Lord Jonathan SacksAt the end of his life, Moses recognized one great failure of his leadership. He had taken the Israelites out of Egypt, but he hadn’t taken Egypt out of the Israelites. He had changed his people’s fate, but he hadn’t changed their character. He now realized that for this to happen there would have to be a different kind of leadership, one that handed back responsibility to the people as a whole, and to the elders in particular. So long as there is a Moses performing miracles, the people do not have to accept responsibility for themselves. In order for them to grow, Joshua would have to engage in participative leadership, encouraging diverse views and listening to them, even if that meant going more slowly.

לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃

You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart. Reprove your kinsman but incur no guilt because of him.

ר' יהודה ליב, המוכיח מפולנאה

המוכיח צריך קודם כל לבדוק את עצמו
אם אין לו טינא שבלב, רוגז, או הקפדה
כלפי האיש שהוא עומד להוכיחו. רק
אם ברי לך שאינך שונא את אחיך
בלבבך, רשאי אתה להוכיחו.

Rabbi Yehudah Lieb, the “Rebuker of Polonia,” Hasidic commentary on Leviticus 19:17

One who wishes to rebuke must first of all check whether s/he has some hidden complaint, anger or compulsion regarding the one whom s/he is about to rebuke. Only after it is clear to you that you do not hate your brother in your heart are you permitted to rebuke.

(יד) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתַי:

(14) He [Rabbi Hillel] used to say: If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?