Jacqueline Pressner Gothard
7th of Sivan, 5778
Yocheved bat Rachmiel v’Ita
We gather this morning to mourn, and celebrate, the life of Jacqueline Pressner Gothard, our beloved Jackie.
Yocheved bat Rachmiel v’Ita.
It is, simply put, shocking to be standing up here right now. Certainly because of the sudden nature of Jackie’s death; but even more so because:
Jackie was such a force, an ever-presence, in so many of our lives, that the mind recoils -it does not admit - the idea that she is no longer amongst us. I search the crowd now for her smiling, shining, light-filled countenance to be looking back.
But I don’t see her.
I think, ah, perhaps she’s in the kitchen, preparing food for the event, so many guests, friends, family to take care of.
It is just very difficult to accept that she is gone.
So indeed, we are here to mourn. But of course, we are also here to celebrate. To celebrate a life so well lived, so fully lived. Jackie was one of those incredibly rare individuals who was both larger than life, and yet had individual, meaningful, personal relationships with everyone in this room and many not in this room. Every person here is thinking about their own unique, loving relationship with her, and yet she was somehow even more than all of those relationships combined.
We will strive this morning to do some justice to her life, her qualities, her relationships, and her legacy, yet knowing full well that no amount of speaking, or stories, can ever fully capture her unique, precious, self.
Jackie was born Sept 21, 1936 to Etta and Ralph Pressner. She was the older of two children, the other being her younger sister Frieda, or “Frieda Poo”, her lifelong best friend. The family lived on the corner of Baronne and Foucher St., in the Dryades neighborhood, where they owned and operated a jewish delicatessen. Whether you ever visited the store, or just heard Jackie describe it many times, try now to see it, patronized by the jews and italians who lived in the neighborhood, smell the smells of her childhood - potato salad, chopped liver, cheese blintzes, kosher meat, and of course, the famous pickle barrel, where her friends could always count on enjoying a pickle or two on the house.
Her mother Etta was one of nine kids, and Jackie grew up fully ensconced in the large, loving, boisterous balagan of the: Kansas/Pressner/Lachoff/Regenbogen/Peekoo/Trestman/Smith/Belasco tribe, so many of whom are here today.
She attended Krichenet elementary school, and Fortier High School.
Jackie was an active youth, she played first chair violin in the school orchestra, as well as second chair in the All-State Orchestra (in fact, her childhood violin was restored and is now played by her granddaughter Lindsey).
She was very smart, an honor student. Sister Frieda described young Jackie as generous, kind, and dynamic. Of course all traits we know that Jackie maintained for the rest of her life.
She excelled in various sports including volleyball, softball basketball and swimming.
She was active in her Jewish youth group, BBYO, and was the president of the Cotton States region (her granddaughter Mickey following in her footsteps with her own involvement with BBYO).
Following high school, she attended Newcomb College, graduating second in her class with a degree in Psychology. She was very proud of being a Newcomb alumna her entire life.
Following college, she moved to Cleveland to attend Western Reserve University Graduate School of Social Work. Jackie ultimately graduated from the school, earning a master’s degree in social work. She utilized her MSW when she moved back to New Orleans, working 3 years as a social worker for Child Protective Services of the New Orleans Department of Welfare.
But the major change in her life that would come from her time in grad school came when she met the man who she would ultimately marry, Sol Gothard.
They first met in the school library; Sol recalls that she affected a southern accent and asked if she could wear his jacket. But his interest in her was cemented later on, one afternoon on the basketball court, when she sank a near-halfcourt shot - their joyous fate was sealed, they began dating, he had proposed within the month, and she accepted.
They moved back to New Orleans together and were married in august, 1957, at the Beth Israel synagogue on Carondelet St. by Rabbi Weisfeld. That marriage lasted 60 years, a milestone that we celebrated here in shul just last year.
He was her “Honey”, which is his honorific and name throughout the family. They shared a love of animals, the outdoors, music, Judaism; family, and most fundamentally, as Sol put it, in dedicating their lives to “having a genuine significance to another human being.”
Once married, they moved in together to a small house on St. Anthony Ave. in Gentilly, lived there for three years. Its there their son Yaakov was born. They moved to Metairie in 1960, and over the subsequent 8 years had four more children: Eddie, Andy, Shayna and Sander.
Of all of her many accomplishments, she was never prouder than of her children, her children in law - Blayne, Julie, Eric, and Julie - 11 grandchildren - Aimee, Taylor, Ben, Daniel, Tara, Sidnie, Gabe, Mickey, Maya, Lindsay, and Jeremy - and great grandson August.
Jackie was a devoted and active wife, mother, and grandmother.
She organized all the multifold activities of her children: their private instrument lessons, dance, youth group, plays, band. She took part in carpools. She cooked, and had hot dinner on the table every night. She wasn’t just a mother to her own children, but also to the constant stream of cousins, family, and her children’s friends that would come through the door; she loved and welcomed all the company and guests their house contained. Since her passing, many people have remarked on how Jackie was their own “second mother”.
This continued into the next generation; her grandson Ben describes how Jackie would insist upon Ben bringing his friends over to the pool and the house, and made sure they had tons to eat. And while on the topic of Jackie’s cooking for her grandchildren, I would be remiss in not mentioning the oft-described pancake breakfasts that were a mainstay of a visit to Bubbie’s house.
Jackie was actively supportive in Sol’s career. Notable in this was his campaign for Juvenile Court Judge in 1972. She organized a campaign to canvas the neighborhood for votes, wherein she would take the kids in the car, drop them off at the corner, and watch as they knocked on each door to ask for votes for Sol. All the kids were involved in this, including 3 year old Sander, who would ask for votes between sucks on his pacifier. She’d then pick them up at the end of the block, and move on to the next one.
This was not the only example where Jackie instilled the spirit of volunteerism into her children. Equally memorable was the time she told all the kids that they were going out for snowballs, everyone get in the car. She then proceeded to make an unannounced stop at the blood bank, for all the kids to give blood, before they could get their snowballs as their reward.
But Jackie’s truest teaching about volunteerism and giving of one’s self in service to others came not through forcing her children, but through example. She was a praiseworthy, volunteer and giver of time to a variety of causes and organizations. Her children recalled that she was always going to a meeting: Hadassah, Israel Bonds, Garden Club, Jewish Family Services (where she was active in the teen suicide prevention program), Jewish Federation, Jewish War Veterans, Lakeshore Hebrew Day School, NCJW. Just one fun story from among many is that NCJW, had a program on ch 12., called “Let’s Tell a Story.”, where she and others would read children’s stories on television.”
Now if you listened closely to that list of causes and organizations, you noticed that a central theme among many of them is their Jewish foundation, and this brings us to Jackie’s deep, deep commitment to Jewish life and to Israel.
It started when she was young; BBYO, as I mentioned, and then Camp Blue Star, in North Carolina, where she was on staff and ultimately sent her children. She was active in the chevra kadisha, something she was very proud of. For those of you who don’t know, that is a group of people who attend to the deceased, cleaning and preparing their bodies for burial. When discussing the chevra, she said that what was so special about it for her was the selflessness of it, that those who had passed could not give their thanks or repay the kindness. This speaks to a larger theme and quality of Jackie, her selflessness and service to others.
Shabbat dinners were regular, first in her parents house, and then following Ralph’s death, at Jackie and Sol’s home. Jackie also hosted enormous Passover seders for extended family, alternating with Lee and Jacob Kansas’ home.
She lit shabbat candles friday nights, she said the Shma with her grandchildren before bed. Her love of Judaism was in many ways self-taught and innate. When she lit shabbat candles, or sang along with the prayers in shul, her face would shine ecstatically, revealing a deep-seated spirituality and connectedness. She understood the importance and unique holiness of Holocaust survivors, many of whom she grew up around and who shopped in the deli for kosher food.
She was a passionate supporter and lover of Israel.
She went to Israel dozens of times, most notably leading trips of New Orleans teens to Israel for years in the 1980s. She loved introducing youth to this beloved country, and enjoyed herself while she was at it, rappelling down mountains, climbing Masada, swimming in the dead sea, meeting Israelis and inviting them to visit New Orleans.
But if we are going to list the ways that Jackie lived her Jewishness, we must discuss her beloved Beth Israel.
You must know that In traditional Jewish custom, we do not hold funeral services in the synagogue. We make very rare exceptions for individuals who are pillars of the synagogue. Jackie was not a pillar of the synagogue - she was the whole building.
She served as our first female president. Her term coincided with the 100th Anniversary of the synagogue, and then its destruction in Hurricane Katrina. She was the moving force - the inspiration - for its rebuilding.
She was tirelessly persistent in the slow, step by step, day by day, confronting of issues that would arise, and figuring out how to navigate them. She was instrumental in bringing down the first rabbi following the storm, Rabbi Uri.
Jackie was ultimately honored as a People's Health Champion in 2007, at a New Orleans Saints game, for her work and success in rebuilding Congregation Beth Israel.
And when her term as president was over, and the synagogue community securely re-established - what did Jackie do? She took on leadership of the holy Kitchen Krewe, helping to organize, shop, and cook food for shabbat and holidays. Sol reflected that for him, this encapsulated so much of Jackie’s grandeur, her desire to serve - as president, and then in the kitchen - however she could best help and serve, that’s what she wanted to do.
Shen not serving others, Jackie managed to enjoy life a great deal. She worked for travel agencies for years, which had the benefit of allowing Jackie and Sol to travel widely- National Parks, fishing trips in Alaska, walking the Great Wall of China, and hiking the Blue Ridge Mountains near Asheville and taking in some bluegrass music. Later in life, she travelled often to visit her children and grandchildren, in Atlanta, Dallas and San Diego, trying best as she could to attend sporting events, plays, and most recently an AIPAC event in Dallas. She loved celebrating family simchas - especially getting together with her tight-knit group of girls, the shvesters - Frieda Posnok, Frieda Mae Gottsegen, Janice Nodvin, Lee Kansas.
She enjoyed watching her New Orleans sports teams, wearing their uniforms in hebrew, yelling at the players she didn’t like and cheering those she did.
Jackie was an eternal optimist. The glass was always half full. She never asked for thanks, she was warm, generous, giving, loving. She was always happy to see you. She regularly sent notes and letters to people, I know that many of you received them yourselves. She was joyful and had a zest for life.
Jackie had a habit of holding on to things, which over time meant that there were some piles around the house of things she’d collected. She’d occasionally go through those piles and give or send various newspaper clippings, old notes, letters, pictures, to her family and friends. Or more random items - she once handed Eddie a piece of eraser that had once been lodged in his ear, decades earlier. Andy received in the mail his own cut-off ponytail, which she had been holding on to for ten years. She sent her grandson Jeremy some of his father, Sander’s, childhood memorabilia, a picture, an old t-shirt, a baseball. Jeremy reflected that he treasures those items, and hopes one day to pass them down and show his own children, tell them, these were your grandfathers.
Many of you know that another great love of Jackie’s was gardening. She had a magnificent garden in the yard, and a great knowledge of plants, and how to tend to them. I believe that when she would hold on to these items, and then lovingly distributing them, this too was a form of gardening - she was tending to relationships. She had roots - She was deeply rooted in the past, and She was distributing her fruits and seeds… the fruits of a life, well lived. And seeds for the next generations to carry on and plant in their own way.
Before you go leave today, I encourage you to look out on the patio. In the corner, there, is a bird of paradise plant. The seeds came from a trip Jackie took to Israel, and she smuggled them out in a dirty sock, planting them here in New Orleans. The frost that came last winter - Jackie worried that perhaps it would kill the plant, but lo and behold, it rose up again, much like the synagogue that she planted here, and tended to.
One of the great blessings of her life is that she was active and doing what she loved til the end. The last 24 hours of her life she tended to the garden and pulled up the season’s last celery; she swam in the pool, watched a movie while eating popcorn (her favorite), she went to shul and carried the Torah, she left a note for Sol to make coffee. She was looking forward to visits from her grandchildren in a couple of weeks.
I would like to conclude with sharing some final seeds from Jackie. I gave a class several years ago about ethical wills; leaving words of wisdom to your family and community. Sander found a notebook in one of the many piles Jackie had made, containing her notes from that class, some jotted notes that she would like to share today with all of you.
To Sol, she wrote of what she was most grateful for in your relationship - your love, your admiration, your support, for providing her the freedom to do all that she wants in life.
To her sister Frieda, she wrote how grateful she was that while you spent much of life apart, you managed to still be so close to one another.
To her children, she wrote: be good spouses, be loving parents, uncles and aunts, take good care of one another.
To the rest of us, she wrote: Be good Jews, support Israel, teach your children and the children of the community to love God; stay close and caring of each other.
Nothing and no one can ever replace Jackie. In her memory, and in her honor, we will strive to be better gardeners ourselves - to tend to our own loved ones, to be better more giving people.
Zichrona livracha. Her memory will be a blessing to us all.