Parents

Lifecycle

Parents feature in Jewish texts in a variety of contexts. The Torah, for example, tells of the patriarchs and matriarchs in the book of Genesis. Rabbinic sources discuss parental responsibilities and obligations of children to their parents.

Notable Sources

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Reverence for Parents as a Divine Mandate

TANAKH

Revering one's parents is not just a social norm but a divine commandment. Leviticus 19:3 commands reverence for one's parents, emphasizing the mutual bond and responsibilities within the family.

You shall each revere your mother and your father, and keep My sabbaths: I יהוה am your God.

Leviticus 19:3

Hannah's Prayer and Promise

TANAKH

Hannah's intense desire for a child and her willingness to dedicate him to God's service reflect a deep faith and personal sacrifice. The haftarah reading for the first day of Rosh Hashanah recounts Hannah's prayer for a child and the birth of Samuel, paralleling the experiences of other biblical women like Sarah, Rebecca, and Rachel.

There was a man from Ramathaim of the Zuphites, in the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham son of Elihu son of Tohu son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives, one named Hannah and the other Peninnah; Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless. This man used to go up from his town every year to worship and to offer sacrifice to GOD of Hosts at Shiloh.—Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of GOD there. One such day, Elkanah offered a sacrifice…

I Samuel 1:1-2:10

Parental Responsibilities in Jewish Law

TOSEFTA

The Tosefta Kiddushin outlines the specific mitzvot (commandments) related to the responsibilities of parents towards their children and vice versa. This early third-century text details the father's obligations to teach his son Torah, a trade, and to marry him off, as well as the practical care duties children have towards their parents.

Which is a positive time-caused mitzvah [for which women/wives are exempt]? Sukkah, lulav and tefilin. Which is a positive non-time-caused mitzvah? [Returning a] lost object, sending away the mother bird [in order to take the eggs], [setting up] a railing [on your roof] and tzitzit. Rabbi Shimon exempts wives from tzitzit because it is a positive time-caused mitzvah. Which is a mitzvah of the son about [his] father? Feeding, giving drink, clothing, anointing, taking out and bringing in, washing his face, hands and legs…

Tosefta Kiddushin 1:8

Haran's Siding with Abraham

MIDRASH

The death of Haran, Abraham's brother, highlights the tension between parental influence and individual belief. Bereshit Rabbah, an ancient midrash on the book of Genesis, explores the conflict between Haran and his father Terach.

“Haran died in the presence of Teraḥ his father in the land of his birth, in Ur of the Chaldeans” (Genesis 11:28).
“Haran died during the lifetime of Teraḥ his father” – Rabbi Ḥiyya grandson of Rav Ada of Yafo: Teraḥ was an idol worshipper [and a seller of idols]. One time, he went away to some place, and he installed Abraham as salesman in his stead. A person would come seeking to buy. He [Abraham] would say to him: ‘How old are you?’ He would say to him: ‘Fifty or sixty years old.’ He would say to him: ‘Woe to this man who is sixty years old and seeks to prostrate himself before…

Bereshit Rabbah 38:13

A Mother's Love and Dedication

COMMENTARY

Moses's mother saw a special quality in her child and took extraordinary measures to ensure his safety, reflecting deep parental love and dedication. Ramban, a medieval Jewish scholar, offers a commentary on Exodus 2:2 that highlights the extraordinary efforts of Moses's mother to protect him.

AND WHEN SHE SAW HIM THAT HE WAS GOODLY SHE HID HIM. It is a known fact that all mothers love their children, goodly or ungoodly, and all of them would hide them [from harm] with all their might. There is thus no need for Scripture to explain that he was goodly. But the meaning of this goodliness is that she saw in him some unique quality which, in her opinion, foreshadowed that a miracle would happen to him and he would be saved. Therefore she applied herself and thought of ways to save him. When she saw that she could hide him no longer, she thought of saving him by another device…

Ramban on Exodus 2:2:1

A Father's Duty at the Seder

MISHNAH

The father's role in teaching his son about the Exodus during the Passover Seder is crucial according to this text, ensuring that even if the son lacks the intelligence to ask questions, the father guides him through the process. The Passover haggadah emphasizes the Jewish tradition of parental responsibility in teaching Torah and Jewish history, particularly during the seder.

The attendants poured the second cup for the leader of the seder, and here the son asks his father the questions about the differences between Passover night and a regular night. And if the son does not have the intelligence to ask questions on his own, his father teaches him the questions. The mishna lists the questions: Why is this night different from all other nights? As on all other nights we eat leavened bread and matza as preferred; on this night all our bread is matza…

Mishnah Pesachim 10:4

The Triad of Perfect Fear

CHASIDUT

Perfect fear, as Rebbe Nachman of Breslov describes it, is achieved through a triad: fear of Heaven, fear of one's master, and fear of one's parents. The prominent Chasidic master integrates the fear of parents into a broader framework of spiritual and hierarchical reverence.

4. Fear is perfect when it is in the aspect of three lines: fear of Heaven, fear of one’s master, and fear of one’s father and mother. Thus, when the sage of the generation merits worthy students and worthy children, fear is perfect. This is because the fear that the generation’s sage and rabbi has is the aspect of fear of Heaven; the students fear the master, the aspect of fear of one’s master; and the children have fear of their father and mother. By virtue of these three fears, fear is made perfect.

Likutei Moharan 60:4:1

Favoritism and Family Conflict

COMMENTARY

Jacob's favoritism towards Joseph led to deep-seated jealousy and animosity among his brothers, which had profound consequences for the family. The Tze'enah Ure'enah, a Yiddish commentary on the Torah, delves into the complex dynamics of Jacob's family and the resulting conflict.

“His brothers saw that their father loved him” [37:4]. Joseph’s brothers hated him because Jacob loved him. Toldot Yizhak asks a question. Is it just that they should hate him because Jacob loved him? Why is Joseph guilty that he was loved? The explanation is that the brothers said: if our father would not believe the evil things that Joseph says about us, then it would not bother us. One could consider him a fool. However, our father still loves Joseph, even after his evil talk. He must hate us because of the evil talk…

Tze'enah Ure'enah, Vayeshev 11

The Ultimate Test of Faith

SECOND TEMPLE

Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac has been interpreted as a demonstration of unwavering faith and obedience to God. Philo of Alexandria, a first-century Jewish philosopher, offers such an interpretation of the Binding of Isaac, emphasizing Abraham's readiness to follow God's command until an angel intervenes.

[195] For when he was at the beginning we are told “God did prove Abraham, and said unto him, ‘Abraham, Abraham’; and he said ‘Here am I.’ And He said, ‘Take thy beloved son, whom thou lovedst, even Isaac, and offer him up.’ ” And when he had now brought the victim to the altar, then “an angel of the Lord called to him out of heaven, saying ‘Abraham, Abraham.’ And he said, ‘Here am I.’ And he said, ‘Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou anything unto him’ ” (Gen. 22:1, 2, 9–12).

On Dreams, Book I 34:4

Miriam's Bold Confrontation

COMMENTARY

In the midrashic tradition, Miriam's courage and wisdom in confronting her father, Amram, led to the birth of Moses — a pivotal moment in Jewish history. Dr. Avivah Gottliebb Zornberg's 21st-century portrait of Moses's inner world recounts this narrative, highlighting the resilience and faith of the Israelites during times of oppression.

In this crisis, the Israelites face down their own terror and continue to bear children. The individual narrative of Moses’ birth serves partially as a metaphor for the Israelite opening to life in a time of genocide. Here again, his story is both singular and representative. In midrashic diffractions of the episode, Moses’ father at first separates from his wife in the terror of the times. His daughter Miriam compels him to see that he is in effect submitting to Pharaoh’s decree. (“Your decree is worse than Pharaoh’s,” she says…

Moses; A Human Life, 1 Identities 79

Choosing Torah Over Family

REFERENCE

One rabbinic sage's decision to leave his father's house for Torah study highlights the tension between familial obligations and personal spiritual pursuits. Gershom Bader's biographical account of Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus, a prominent figure of the mishnaic period, illustrates this significant act of devotion to Jewish learning.

Of the manner in which Rabbi Eliezer turned to learning it is told that his father was a wealthy man who owned many fields. The father together with the sons devoted themselves to the cultivation of the land and all of them were rude people, “Ame Arotzim,” who could not even recite the “Shema.” When he was over twenty years old, Rabbi Eliezer suddenly decided to leave the fields and to turn to study. He told his plan to his father and old Hyrcanus laughed at him and said: “Now you wish to study? Now it is time for you to take a wife and to beget children…

The Jewish Spiritual Heroes, Volume I; The Creators of the Mishna, Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus 9

The Courage of Moses's Mother

JEWISH THOUGHT

Moses's mother, Yokheved, displayed remarkable bravery and resourcefulness in saving her son from Pharaoh's decree. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, in his Passover haggadah, highlights Yokheved's anonymity and courage, emphasizing her pivotal role in Jewish history.

What do we know about her? Surprisingly little. Her first appearance in the text is conspicuously anonymous: “A man from the house of Levi went and married a daughter of Levi” (Ex. 2:1). At this stage neither of Moses’ parents, Amram and Yokheved, is named. We soon see Yokheved’s resourcefulness. For three months she hides the child. When she can do so no longer, she makes a rush basket and sets him afloat on the Nile, hoping he will be noticed and saved. Like many biblical women, she is a person of action, determination, and courage. What else do we know about her?

The Jonathan Sacks Haggadah; Essays, Women and the Exodus 5

Foundations of Our Forefathers

MUSAR

The biblical patriarchs and matriarchs are seen as foundational figures whose actions set precedents for future generations. Rabbi Isaiah HaLevi Horowitz’s 17th-century work Shenei Luchot HaBerit explores how these figures rehabilitated the damage caused by Adam's sin.

We have explained the function of the patriarchs and matriarchs in rehabilitating the damage caused to this world by Adam; we have stated that Abraham represented the אדם הגדול, and that Sarah assumed the role of אם כל חי, that Isaac and Rebeccah continued the work begun by Abraham and Sarah and that to indicate this their features resembled the features of Abraham and Sarah. In addition the "beauty" of Jacob is described by our sages as of the kind possessed by Adam before his sin.

Shenei Luchot HaBerit, Torah Shebikhtav, Chayei Sara, Torah Ohr 63

Who Redeems the Firstborn?

GUIDES

The mitzvah of Pidyon HaBen (redemption of the firstborn) raises the fundamental question of who is obligated in the redemption — the father or the firstborn son himself. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz explores the scenario where the son must redeem himself if the father did not fulfill this obligation, highlighting the importance of this practice in Jewish law.

Although the mitzva of redemption is in practice an obligation on the father, everyone agrees that if the father did not redeem his son, the son is required to redeem himself. In this regard, one must establish what the halakha is in a case of one who does not know if his father redeemed him. This discussion leads to a fundamental question: Who, in essence, is obligated in the mitzva of redemption, the father or the firstborn himself?

Introductions to the Babylonian Talmud, Bekhorot, Introduction to Perek VIII 10

The Roots of Parental Favoritism

KABBALAH

Isaac's love for his son Esau can be explored through the lens of natural human tendencies and parental favoritism. The Zohar, a central text in Jewish mysticism, delves into the psychological and emotional dimensions of biblical narratives.

The youthful son of R. Judah here asked his father: ‘If that is so, why did not Isaac love Jacob as much as Esau, knowing as he did that the former would rear twelve tribes?’ ‘That is a good question,’ said his father, ‘and the answer is as follows. All creatures of the same kind love one another and are drawn to one another.

Zohar, Toldot 3:23

Birth Record 1919, made by Mordecai Reicher in honor of the births of his grandsons. Purchase: Phil and Norma Fine Foundation Fund, The Jewish Museum, New York.

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