אֲבָל הַמִּנְהָגִים שֶׁרָאוּי לִנְהֹג בָּהֶם בַּעַל הַכְּנִיעָה הֵם עֲשָׂרָה. How the submitted should conduct himself
The manners of conduct, which are proper for the submitted person to adopt, are ten.
הָרִאשׁוֹן דַּעַת אֱלֹהִים וּמִדּוֹתָיו הַטּוֹבוֹת וְהַיִּתְרוֹן אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לָאָדָם עַל שְׁאָר בַּעֲלֵי הַחַיִּים כמ״ש (תהלים ח) תַּמְשִׁילֵהוּ בְמַעֲשֵׂי יָדֶיךָ. (1) Knowledge of G-d, and of His good attributes, and the higher qualities He bestowed on man over other living creatures, as written "You give him dominion over the work of Your hands; You have placed everything beneath his feet" (Tehilim 8:7).
כַּאֲשֶׁר יַכִּיר גֹּדֶל עָצְמַת הַבּוֹרֵא וְרוֹמְמוּת גְּבוּרָתוֹ וְחָכְמָתוֹ הָעֶלְיוֹנָה יִכָּנַע לוֹ וְיִשָּׁפֵל לְפָנָיו וְיִלְמַד מִמָּה שֶׁצִּוָּה הֶחָכָם (משלי כה) אַל תִּתְהַדַּר לִפְנֵי מֶלֶךְ כ״ש לִפְנֵי ממ״ה וַאֲדוֹנִי הָאֲדוֹנִים יִתְעַלֶּה מִדְּמוֹת וּמֵהַמָּשָׁל כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמְרָה חַנָּה (שמואל א ב׳:ב׳) אֵין קָדוֹשׁ כַּה׳ כִּי אֵין בִּלְתֶּךָ. When one recognizes the infinite greatness of the Creator and His exalted omnipotence and supreme wisdom, he will submit to Him and become humbled before Him. And he will learn from the verse: "Do not glorify yourself before a king" (Mishlei 25:6) and draw the inference - how much more so before the King of kings, and the Master of masters, who is exalted beyond any likeness or comparison, as Chana said: "There is none as holy as the L-ord, For there is none like You" (Shmuel 2:2).
וְהַשֵּׁנִי לָדַעַת חִיּוּבֵי הַתּוֹרָה וְהַשֵּׂכֶל וְלִקְרֹא בְּסֵפֶר תּוֹרַת הָאֱלֹהִים וְלַעֲמֹד עַל הַחָכְמָה הַמֻּשְׂכֶּלֶת וְהַמְּקֻבֶּלֶת לִלְמֹד מִמֶּנָּה תְּנָאֵי הַכְּנִיעָה וּמְקוֹמוֹת הַנְהָגָתָהּ. (2) He should know the duties ordained by the torah and those which reason teaches us. He should read G-d's torah, and gain understanding in the wisdom derived from reason, the written law, and the oral law (talmud) so as to learn from there the conditions for humility, and the areas where it applies.
וְהַשְּׁלִישִׁי רֹחַב הַלֵּב וְסִבְלוּת מָה שֶׁיִּשְׂנָא מִן הַדְּבָרִים וּמִן הַמַּעֲשִׂים מִן הַבּוֹרֵא ית׳ כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר (תהלים ז) אִם גָּמַלְתִּי שׁוֹלְמִי רָע וְגוֹ׳ וְאָמַר (משלי כד) אַל תֹּאמַר כַּאֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה לִי כֵּן אֶעֱשֶׂה לּוֹ וְאָמְרוּ רז״ל הַנֶּעֱלָבִים וְאֵינָם עוֹלְבִים שׁוֹמְעִים חֶרְפָּתָם וְאֵינָם מְשִׁיבִים עוֹשִׂים מֵאַהֲבָה וּשְׂמֵחִים בַּיִּסּוּרִים עֲלֵיהֶם הַכָּתוּב אוֹמֵר (שופטים ה) וְאֹהֲבָיו כְּצֵאת הַשֶּׁמֶשׁ בִּגְבֻרָתוֹ וְהוּא הַנִּקְרָא אֶצְלָם מַעֲבִיר עַל מִדּוֹתָיו. (3) To cultivate a broad heart (forbearance -TL) and ability to bear patiently words and deeds one hates, [and do so] for the Creator's sake, as written "If I repaid the one who did evil to me, Or have plundered him who without cause was my enemy" (Tehilim 7:5), and "Do not say, 'As he did to me, so will I do to him; I will repay the man according to his deeds'" (Mishlei 24:29), and our sages taught (Gitin 36b): "those who are insulted, but do not retaliate, who hear themselves humiliated and do not respond, serve (G-d) with love and rejoice [even] in suffering, on them the verse (Shoftim 5:31) says: "those that love Him will be like the sun when it goes forth in its might". The sages refer to this as "Ma'avir Al Midosav" (lets offenses pass and is forgiving).
וְהָרְבִיעִי עֲשׂוֹת הַטּוֹב לִבְנֵי אָדָם וְדַבֵּר טוֹב לָהֶם וּלְדוּנָם לִזְכוּת וְשֶׁלֹּא יְסַפֵּר בִּגְנוּתָם וְשֶׁיִּמְחֹל לָהֶם מָה שֶׁיְּדַבְּרוּ בּוֹ וִיסַפְּרוּ בִּגְנוּתוֹ וְאִם אֵינָם רְאוּיִים לְכָךְ כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר (קהלת י׳:כ׳) גַּם בְּמַדָּעֲךָ מֶלֶךְ אַל תְּקַלֵּל וְאָמַר (תהלים נ) פִּיךָ שָׁלַחְתָּ בְרָעָה תֵּשֵׁב בְּאָחִיךָ תְדַבֵּר בְּבֶן אִמְּךָ תִּתֶּן דֹּפִי וּמִמְּחִילַת הַדִּבּוּר הָרַע וְהַגִּנּוּי מָה שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב (במדבר י״ב:א׳) וַתְּדַבֵּר מִרְיָם וְאַהֲרֹן בְּמֹשֶׁה וְאָמַר (שם) וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה עָנָו מְאֹד מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמָּחַל לָהֶם. וּמִזֶּה מָה שֶׁאָמַר הֶחָכָם (קהלת ז׳:כ״א) גַּם לְכָל הַדְּבָרִים אֲשֶׁר יְדַבֵּרוּ אַל תִּתֵּן לִבֶּךָ וְאָמַר (שם) כִּי גַּם פְּעָמִים רַבּוֹת יָדַע לִבֶּךָ וְגוֹ׳. (4) He should do good to others, speak well of them, judge them favorably, not speak of their faults, forgive them when they speak badly of him, even if they do not deserve this, as written "Even in your thoughts, do not curse a king" (Koheles 10:20), and "You let loose your mouth for evil, and you accustomed your tongue to deceit, you slandered your own mother's son"(Tehilim 50:19). Regarding forgiving others who speak ill of him, the verse says: "and Miriam and Aharon spoke of Moshe", and then "the man Moshe was exceedingly humble", i.e. he had forgiven them. Likewise, the wise man said: "Also take no heed on all words that are spoken" (Koheles 7:21), and adds "For your heart knows that many times you too cursed others"(Koheles 7:22).
וְאָמְרוּ חֲכָמֵינוּ זַ״ל: מַעֲשֶׂה בְּרַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר שֶׁיָּרַד לִפְנֵי הַתֵּבָה וְאָמַר עֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבַּע רְנָנוֹת וְלֹא נַעֲנָה. יָרַד ר׳ עֲקִיבָא וְאָמַר אָבִינוּ מַלְכֵּנוּ וְנַעֲנָה. יָצְתָה ב״ק וְאָמְרָה: לֹא שֶׁזֶּה גָּדוֹל מִזֶּה, אֶלָּא שֶׁזֶּה מַעֲבִיר עַל מִדּוֹתָיו וְזֶה אֵינוֹ מַעֲבִיר עַל מִדּוֹתָיו. And our Sages taught (Taanis 25b) that Rebbi Eliezer once (in a time of drought) became Chazan (cantor) and offered 24 supplications for rain and there was no response. Afterwards, Rebbi Akiva became Chazan and said only: "Our Father, our King..." and his prayer was accepted. A heavenly voice proclaimed "not because the latter sage was greater than the former, but only because he was 'Ma'avir Al Midosav' (lets offenses pass and is forgiving) while the former does not behave thus."
וְנֶאֱמַר עַל אֶחָד מִן הַחֲסִידִים שֶׁעָבַר עַל נִבְלַת כֶּלֶב מַסְרַחַת מְאֹד וְאָמְרוּ לוֹ תַּלְמִידָיו כַּמָּה מַסְרַחַת נְבֵלָה זֹאת אָמַר לָהֶם כַּמָּה לְבָנוֹת שִׁנֶּיהָ וְנִתְחָרְטוּ עַל מָה שֶׁסִּפְּרוּ בִּגְנוּתָהּ וְכֵיוָן שֶׁהוּא גְּנַאי לְסַפֵּר בִּגְנוּת כֶּלֶב מֵת כ״ש בְּאָדָם חַי וְכֵיוָן שֶׁהוּא טוֹב לְשַׁבֵּחַ נִבְלַת כֶּלֶב בְּלֹבֶן שִׁנֶּיהָ כ״ש שֶׁהוּא חוֹבָה לְפִי זֶה לְשַׁבֵּחַ אָדָם מַשְׂכִּיל וּמֵבִין וְהָיְתָה כַּוָּנָתוֹ לְהוֹכִיחָם שֶׁלֹּא יְלַמְּדוּ לְשׁוֹנָם לְדַבֵּר רַע וְיָשׁוּב לָהֶם טֶבַע. And it is said of a pious man who passed by an extremely foul smelling carcass of a dog. His disciples said to him: "how foul-smelling is this carcass!". He answered them "how white are its teeth!" And they regretted on having spoken disparagingly about the carcass. If it is improper to speak disparagingly of a dead dog, all the more so for a living human being. And if it is proper to praise the carcass of a dead dog for the whiteness of its teeth, how much more so, according to this, is it a duty to praise a human being endowed with intelligence and understanding. His intent was to rebuke them, to not habituate their tongues to speak badly, as this will enter their nature.
וְכֵן כְּשֶׁיְּלַמְּדוּ לְשׁוֹנָם לְדַבֵּר טוֹב יָשׁוּב לָהֶם טֶבַע קָבוּעַ כמ״ש (תהלים טו) לֹא רָגַל עַל לְשֹׁנוֹ וְאָמַר בְּהֵפֶךְ זֶה (שם נב) הַוּוֹת תַּחְשֹׁב לְשׁוֹנֶךָ וְגוֹ׳ אָהַבְתָּ כָל דִּבְרֵי בָלַע וְאָמַר (שם קכ) מַה יִּתֵּן לְךָ וּמַה יֹּסִיף לָךְ לָשׁוֹן רְמִיָּה. Likewise, when one habituates his tongue to speak good, it will become part of his nature, as written "He who does not habituate/slander with his tongue" (Tehilim 15:3), and it says regarding the opposite of this "Your tongue devises mischief, [as a sharpened razor, working deceit], You love all devouring words" (Tehilim 52:4), and "What does it give to you, what does it increase unto you, O deceitful tongue?" (Tehilim 120:3), and "The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow him up" (Koheles 10:12)
וְהַחֲמִישִׁי הַכְּנִיעָה בְּעִנְיְנֵי עוֹלָמוֹ כֻּלָּם הַנִּרְאֶה מֵהֶם וְהַנִּסְתָּר בְּדִבּוּרוֹ וּבְמַעֲשֵׂהוּ וּבִתְנוּעַת אֵבָרָיו וְנוּחָם וְלֹא יִהְיֶה תּוֹכוֹ בְּכָל זֶה הֶפֶךְ בָּרוֹ וְלֹא מַצְפּוּנוֹ כְּנֶגֶד נִרְאֵהוּ וּתְנוּעוֹתָיו שְׁקוּלוֹת וּנְכוֹנוֹת וְשָׁווֹת וּמִתְדַּמּוֹת הוֹלְכוֹת עַל דֶּרֶךְ הַכְּנִיעָה וְהַשִּׁפְלוּת לֵאלֹהִים יִתְבָּרַךְ וְלִבְנֵי אָדָם כְּפִי הִתְחַלְּקוּת מַעֲלוֹתָם וּכְפִי הַטּוֹב לוֹ מֵהֶם לְתוֹרָתוֹ וּלְעוֹלָמוֹ כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם קיב) טוֹב אִישׁ חוֹנֵן וּמַלְוֶה יְכַלְכֵּל דְּבָרָיו בְּמִשְׁפָּט וְאָמְרוּ רז״ל הֱוֵי שְׁפַל רוּחַ בִּפְנֵי כָל אָדָם וְאָמְרוּ הֱוֵי קַל לְרֹאשׁ וְנוֹחַ לְתִשְׁחֹרֶת. (5) There should be humility in all his worldly matters, whether they are public or private, in speech and in deed, when he is active or resting - that his interior does not contradict his exterior, nor his hidden matters contradict his revealed matters. Rather his behavior should be weighed, proper, harmonious, and consistent - all going in the spirit of submission and humility to G-d and also towards human beings, in accordance with each person's merits (their wisdom and fear (reverence) of G-d - TL) and the good he benefits from them in religious and secular matters, as written "Good is the man who is gracious and lends, who conducts his affairs with discretion" (Tehilim 112:5). And our sages said: "be humble in spirit before all men" (Avos 4:12), and "Be submissive to an elder and courteous to the young." (Avos 3:12).
וְהַשִּׁשִּׁי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה יְקַר רוּחַ וּגְבַהּ נֶפֶשׁ בְּעִנְיְנֵי העוה״ב שֶׁלֹּא יַסְפִּיק לוֹ מֵהֶם מָה שֶׁיִּזְדַּמֵּן וְלֹא יֹאמַר דַּי בְּמָה שֶׁתִּמְצָא יָדוֹ מֵהֶם אֲבָל יִמְעַט בְּעֵינָיו מַעֲשֵׂהוּ וִיכָלְתּוֹ וְהִשְׁתַּדְּלוּתוֹ בְּעִנְיָנָיו וְתִגְבַּהּ נַפְשׁוֹ אֶל מָה שֶׁלְּמַעְלָה מִזֶּה תָּמִיד כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב בִּיהוֹשָׁפָט (ד״ה ב יז) וַיִּגְבַּהּ לִבּוֹ בְּדַרְכֵי ה׳. (6) That one's esteem be high and one's desire great for matters of the next world, that it should not be sufficient for him whatever comes his way, and he should not consider that what he does is enough. Rather, his good deeds, service, and efforts should be little in his eyes. He should always strive to reach a higher level, as the verse says of Yehoshafat "And his heart was lifted up in the ways of the L-ord" (Divrei Hayamim II 17:6), and let one always complain to himself that he is not doing enough of his torah duties to G-d and men. And he should seek help from G-d, and strengthen to add in the service and in good deeds, as written "I pray that my ways be directed to keep Your statutes" (Tehilim 119:5).
וְהַשְּׁבִיעִי שֶׁיִּקְטַן בְּעֵינָיו מַעֲשֵׂהוּ וְיִתְרַעֵם עַל נַפְשׁוֹ עַל קִצּוּרָהּ בְּעִנְיְנֵי תּוֹרָתוֹ לִפְנֵי הָאֱלֹהִים וְלִפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם וִיבַקֵּשׁ מֵאֱלֹהִים עֵזֶר וְאֹמֶץ [לְהוֹסִיף בָּעֲבוֹדָה וּבְמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קיט): אַחֲלַי יִכֹּנוּ דְרָכָי לִשְׁמֹר חֻקֶּיךָ]. וְיַנִּיחַ הַגַּבְהוּת לִכְבוֹד הַבּוֹרֵא וְיַעֲזֹב הַגְּדֻלָּה וְהַיְּקָר בְּעֵת שֶׁהוּא עוֹשֶׂה לֵאלֹהִים יִתְבָּרַךְ בֵּין לְבַדּוֹ בֵּין בְּתוֹךְ מַקְהֵלוֹת בְּנֵי אָדָם כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב עַל אַהֲרֹן עַל גְּדֻלַּת מַעֲלָתוֹ (ויקרא ו) וְהֵרִים אֶת הַדֶּשֶׁן וְגוֹ׳. וְחִיְּבוֹ הַבּוֹרֵא לְהוֹצִיא אֶת הַדֶּשֶׁן בְּכָל יוֹם תָּמִיד לְהִשָּׁפֵל וּלְהָסִיר הַגַּבְהוּת מִלִּבּוֹ וּכְמוֹ זֶה אָמַר בְּדָוִד (שמואל ב ו) וַתֵּרֶא אֶת הַמֶּלֶךְ דָּוִד מְפַזֵּז וּמְכַרְכֵּר לִפְנֵי ה׳ וּשְׁאָר הָעִנְיָן וְאָמַר (תהלים קיט) וַאֲדַבְּרָה בְעֵדֹתֶיךָ נֶגֶד מְלָכִים וְלֹא אֵבוֹשׁ. (7) That his deeds be little in his eyes, and that he should complain to himself over his shortcomings in the fulfillment of his religious duties to G-d and to his fellow men. He should pray to G-d for help and strength. For the sake of G-d, he should put aside all haughtiness, and renounce personal pride and dignity while he is performing any religious service, whether he is alone or among a crowd of people. As the verse said about Aharon, in his exalted status (as head priest), "And he shall lift out the ashes" (Vayikra 6:3). The Creator obligated him to take out the ashes every day in order to lower and remove pride from his heart. And similar to this by king David: "and she saw the king David leaping and dancing before the L-ord; and she despised him in her heart" (Shmuel II 6:16), and the rest of the matter, and also "I will speak of your testimonies before kings, and will not be ashamed" (Tehilim 119:46).
וְהַשְּׁמִינִי שֶׁיַּסְפִּיק לוֹ מִסִּבּוֹת הַמָּזוֹן מָה שֶׁיִּזְדַּמֵּן וּמָה שֶׁיִּמְצָא מֵאֲשֶׁר תִּהְיֶה נַפְשׁוֹ נְמִבְזָה וְנִקְלָה בְּעֵינָיו וּלְחַנֵּךְ אוֹתָהּ לַעֲמֹד מִתַּאֲווֹתֶיהָ הַגּוּפָנִיּוּת וּלְהִפָּנוֹת לִפְרֹעַ חוֹבוֹת הַבּוֹרֵא עַל גֹּדֶל טוֹבוֹתָיו וְרֹב חַסְדּוֹ עָלָיו כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר דָּוִד (שם) דֶּרֶךְ מִצְוֹתֶיךָ אָרוּץ וְגוֹ׳. (8) He should be contented with whatever means of livelihood present themselves, and with whatever he finds, because he regards himself as insignificant and of little worth. He should accustom himself to abstain from gratifying bodily desires in order to be free to pay his duties to G-d for His many favors and great goodness towards him, as David said "I will run the way of your commandments, for You will free my heart" (Tehilim 119:32).
וְהַתְּשִׁיעִי שֶׁיִּנְקֹם מִן הָרְשָׁעִים לִכְבוֹד הַבּוֹרֵא וְאַל תַּשִּׁיאֵהוּ מְחִילָתוֹ לִבְנֵי אָדָם בְּצַד עַצְמוֹ לִמְחֹל בְּדִבְרֵי הָאֱלֹהִים אוֹ לְמִי שֶׁיְּדַבֵּר בִּנְבִיאָיו וַחֲסִידָיו וּסְגֻלָּתוֹ וְאַל יִנְהַג בְּעֹשֶׁק בְּנֵי אָדָם אִישׁ אֶת רֵעֵהוּ כְּמִנְהָגוֹ בִּמְחִילָתוֹ לָהֶם בְּעָשְׁקָם אוֹתוֹ אַךְ יַצִּיל הֶעָשׁוּק וְיַעֲזֹר לְהוֹצִיא מִיַּד הָעוֹשֵׁק כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב (ירמיה כח) דִּינוּ לַבֹּקֶר מִשְׁפָּט וְהַצִּילוּ גָזוּל מִיַּד עוֹשֵׁק וְאָמַר (איוב כט) וָאֲשַׁבְּרָה מְתַלְּעוֹת עַוָּל. (9) To exact vengeance from the wicked for the honor of the Creator. Let one not be enticed on account of his own practice of forgiving others in matters that only affect himself to also forgive them in matters of G-d, or to forgive those who speak against His prophets, or his pious and treasured ones. Likewise, let one not conduct himself in his personal way of forgiving others, when he sees a man oppressing another man. Rather, he should come to the rescue of the oppressed and help to free them from the hands of their oppressors, as written "O house of David, thus said the L-ord; Execute judgment in the morning, and deliver him that is spoiled out of the hand of the oppressor" (Yirmiya 21:12), and "I broke the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth" (Iyov 29:17).
וְיוֹרֶה בְּנֵי אָדָם עֲבוֹדַת הָאֱלֹהִים וְיוֹכִיחֵם וְיַכְלִימֵם וִיצַוֵּם עַל הַטּוֹב וְיַזְהִירֵם מִן הָרַע בְּיָדוֹ וּבִלְשׁוֹנוֹ כְּפִי יְכָלְתּוֹ וִימַהֵר לָקַחַת דִּינֵי הָאֱלֹהִים מִמִּי שֶׁחַיָּב בָּהֶם וְלֹא יִכָּנַע וְלֹא יִשָּׁפֵל בָּזֶה כמ״ש בְּפִינְחָס (תהלים קו) וַיַּעֲמֹד פִּינְחָס וַיְפַלֵּל וַתֵּעָצַר הַמַּגֵּפָה וַתֵּחָשֶׁב לוֹ לִצְדָקָה לְדֹר וָדֹר עַד עוֹלָם. He should teach others the service of G-d, rebuke them and make them feel ashamed. He should exhort them on the good, and warn them on the evil forcefully and by word of mouth to the extent of his ability, and be swift to exact the punishment G-d commanded to administer to one who is guilty. He should not be humble or lowly in this, as written by Pinchas: "Then Pinchas stood up and exacted justice, and the plague was stopped. It was accounted for him as a merit for generation to generation forever" (Tehilim 106:30).
וְהָעֲשִׂירִי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בִּמְעַט דְּבָרִים וְקוֹלוֹ נָמוּךְ וּמְעַט שְׂחוֹק וּמְעַט שְׁבוּעוֹת בַּשֵּׁם עַל הָאֱמֶת וְלֹא יַעֲבִיר עַל לְשׁוֹנוֹ כָּזָב וְלֹא יֵשֵׁב בְּסוֹד מְשַׂחֲקִים וְלֹא יִשְׂמַח בְּמָה שֶׁשְּׂמֵחִים עַמֵּי הָאָרֶץ מִתַּעֲנוּגֵי הָעוֹלָם וְזֶה מִכְּנִיעָה וְשִׁפְלוּת לֹא מִצַּד גְּדֻלָּה וְהִתְנַשֵּׂא כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַנָּבִיא (ירמיהו ט״ו:י״ז) לֹא יָשַׁבְתִּי בְסוֹד מְשַׂחֲקִים וָאֶעְלֹז מִפְּנֵי יָדְךָ בָּדָד יָשַׁבְתִּי כִּי זַעַם מִלֵּאתָנִי: (10) He should speak little and in a low voice. He should laugh little. He should seldom take an oath in the name of G-d even if what he swears is true. No falsehood should come out of his lips. He should not sit in the company of men engaged in laughter and idle talk, nor delight in the worldly things ignorant people delight in. He should act like this out of submission and lowliness of spirit, not out of arrogance and pride as the prophet said "I sat not in the assembly of merrymakers, nor did I rejoice; because of Your hand I sat alone, for You filled me with indignation" (Yirmiya 15:17).